Dear God,
I know it is right to praise You, but what shall I do when I find myself caught up in certain things of this world of darkness to me...that's like a mere praise to a God that doesn't exist. Not saying You don't exist, but I'm saying...God's...such as for money, work, internet...all kind of 'Gods' that could destroy my faith in You. These distractions...they distract me from all I can be for You...
Protect me, Father. I fear I'll wither away from the vine of life. I fear so much that I'll never be strong enough for another person in my life. I have fears....that...I never really took up with You, but Lord, I am thankful to know You have known them before I even had to say. You know me better than anyone else.
Lord, You know that in my heart I do mean good intentions for everyone on this Earth. You know I only want the best for others in my life and would never want anything lower than the best. The best...could only be You. Lord, I love how You are always here for me and Your people, this is a reason why You're the best.
Thank You for being here for us, Your creation, all of us. It is lovely. You're such a comfort because You never let go even as I write this...I'm sobbing....Lord, I am sobbing at the fact that I am happy, frustrated, and thankful knowing You are here. I have had my share of pains and fears, but Lord...I want to lift them up to You. This is my faith for You....let me share this faith of never letting go of knowing what is right and real...You. Lord...give me strength to write everything I'm about to write to You in a very honest way and heart felt sense. It's all I could do.
Lord, I fear of not being a good enough companion. I try so hard to live my life as a good person for You and for the one I should be with in life. I am dedicated to that person. I would never do anything to hurt them, nor their heart. I would only want to love them unconditionally as You have loved us. I would live my life caring for my companion, family, and You. I pray that this fear of me not being anything good enough would cease. I know that Satan likes to torment me in knowing that just because we are to face hardships..we should be unhappy, this is not true. We can make through all the hardships with a heart of strength, faith, and wisdom all for You, with You by our side, anything is possible. You make everything possible according to Your will and pathways for us. Thank You. Praises be to You, Lord.
I fear...I'll never be a good enough friend to a friend I have in my life. I have done wrong, and not treated every friend the same at some point or another..I feel. It is hard to live with the fact, I could do anything and everything for a friend..and fear it's never good enough. What if this is just me being a pushover and thinking...that if I do much more for them in either respectful ways, nice gestures, showing kindness, anything fruit of the spirit, anything to make someone happy...maybe that friendship would get better...
No. It won't. I could do anything and everything for a person and not receive anything back. Am I okay with that?
Yes. I am perfectly fine knowing I do a lot for a friend and never receive anything in return because I love to see a friend happy. I'm happy if a person is happy. I am sad when they're sad. My heart feels what they feel, because I am all about people.
I love people, I do. I have hard times expressing that as it is with people I have fairly close relationships with. I don't always know how to express myself and how I feel, but the way I can I express such love and affection for anyone in my life is by praying for them. Prayer is the only answer to show I care...even when I'm just frustrated with myself in not knowing how to express such emotions. I am afraid that I'll come across a way that people will take wrong.
Lord, you know I care a lot about the people I know. You know that I love them with my entire heart and I'd do anything for them, anything in the world. To see these people in joy and happiness, brings such joy to my heart...that I would smile all the time..but then smiling would just hurt after awhile...but I wouldn't care...because that's showing how I feel!
Lord, deliver me to be able to express such emotions with these people in my life and ALL of Your people/creation. To express an unconditional love and everything You have ever felt for us. I want to be able to do that, but of course, only according to Your will and ways, never my own...
I fear...I'll never be strong enough for a friend, family member, or companion in the time they need me. Lord, You have used me in so many ways unimaginable. Why use me? They're plenty of others as well. I've seen things happen...miracles...experienced miracles...witnessed to change of hearts, faith growing...just..so much love for You..and You have chosen me to witness this all?! I fear I could not be strong enough as a disciple for You, yet...I am a disciple of Your's now. Why did you choose me? I often wonder such a question, but I know I shouldn't question certain aspects. I can't help, but wonder...why choose me, when there are others who could have been chosen?
What if I feel I'm not strong enough to carry out Your will? What if I feel I am sometimes not good enough for such a task? What if I feel I am not good enough to fight the good fight, and finish before Your eyes?
Lord....forgive me for ever thinking such thoughts. I am chosen for a reason. I may never know all the reasons as to why you have chosen me...but...I am thankful, though, I do not show it enough.
We ought to be thankful for the fact we have been chosen as Your disciples to lead the lost out of darkness in to the light! To be able have strength and faith, the love for His people and creation, spreading all of that and His word!! Lord...for You to have chosen me...I fear I'll never be the strong disciple You wish for me to be...but yet...You have others think different. People see a heart that loves You and I want people to continue to see that...I'm afraid of withering away from what they see...
I don't want them to see anything less than You in me. Grant us, Your people to have the mere reflection of You in ourselves so that we can be the beacons of light that You have chosen us to be in this world. Thank you for choosing me, and the rest of Your people, this I feel is a true blessing. You are awesome.
I guess my overall fear is..I could not love as You have loved..especially when I yearn to love as You do. How is it that I am afraid? Love drives out fear, this I know.
Sometimes it takes the courageous to love and show wisdom. You have seen a courageous heart in me that was willing the day of my birth, the lifetime I grew up in, the night of my baptism, the day of my confirmation in a church, the days and nights I've lived for the past 18 years. All that you've seen is courage to do so much more, to live for something more than what was around me.
Sometimes, I forget about all the times I have shown courage and the willing heart for You...this heart..has not ceased from that, but has only increased in such areas. This is You...working on me. This is You holding onto my heart...again, You never let go.
I'll learn to love as You do in time, be patient with me because I am fragile at times..
I am thankful to know I am not alone in my struggles nor questions. It's only because of You that we can live in peace.
I am afraid that I won't display such peace at heart when it is there...what if I'm too quiet? What if I'm too reserved on such notes? What if I feel I have to be in such a way because I fear what others think...when I know that I shouldn't..through You this soul is guided with words and actions of Your ways. Therefore, what is to fear?
I am one life...that is just so willing. I can't say that enough. I am afraid that if I don't say a lot of what I want to express in person, people won't see what is there of this heart...and they would be in constant of prying it out of me or...reading it here.
I want to be able to say everything I wish to say without fear.
I fear that I won't sound intellectual.
I fear I'll make a fool out of myself.
I fear that no one will understand me. I hate not being understood...because I feel if I can't get a person to understand me..and what I want to express/say...I fail at so much.
What people may not notice about me...I get so nervous....when I'm around people. Inside, I am kind of freaking out...but I never show that on the outside. I never show that because I don't want them worrying about me.
Lord, I feel it is more of my duty to care for others....opposed to people worrying about me, or anything.
I try so hard to be selfless...and I sometimes wonder if I am even doing a good job at it. You know whether I am or not...I just pray that we as your people can be strong when it comes to being selfless, you didn't want us to selfish.
I fear I am annoyance...but then it gets me thinking..if I am friends with the people I am with...they may not find me annoying..but they see something in my heart that we share in common, or of the interests/likes/dislikes..etc..more so, God.
I sometimes fear I am a bore. I have been told I was boring, but this is probably because I have issues making decisions when I am with people or someone because...I am thinking, "What do they want to do? What do they like to do?? Let's do what they want.." BECAUSE...I feel this another act of being selfless...and I mean, I share the same interests as anyone on many things...I often wonder what the other person is thinking in their mind..therefore, I study gestures, mannerisms, and movements, observing what they like...and certain things in their dorms...or what they wear...etc...so I know what they like or dislike without having to really ask..because by that a person can tell so much about a person.
The reason I can't make a decision when with people or another person...is because...I want them to be happy and pleased. I want them to be entertained. I want them to enjoy whatever entertainment it may be, food/beverages, and the area we may be in...I want that person or the people to be in complete comfort opposed to myself. Most of the time I'm completely content because I am easy going and I'm open to a lot of different options or going anywhere, doing anything...because I love versatility. That's just me being open to whatever the door may open up of.
I know people sometimes get frustrated with me not being able to make a decision, but they need to know why I am like that.
Maybe I should become more decisive when I'm with people?
A lot of people just don't always understand me, but..hey, a lot of the time I don't understand me either...
God...You understand me more than anyone else because You know this heart more than anyone else ever could.
God...I am willing. I am willing to let You use me to show others who I can really be through You with all the strength I could ever give up for the glory of You.
I fear...losing people I love in my life. Whether it be from lost of contact, death, or just...over some sort of sin that causes 2 people to not have contact, left hurt, and wondering, "why?"...
I hate losing any kind of relationship.
I feel that any relationship I have ever built, or had was for a significant reason for You, Lord. You give and take away, despite how much it may hurt me..I pray I still praise You. I pray that all of us who experience this fear...are at peace and given the strength to know You are God, the God who gives and takes away all for the glory of Your will...and out of love.
I sometimes forget that You give and take away out of love. You have given me people in my life, that I count as blessings to me...from college. How wonderful are You for granting me such relationships with these people! You are truly amazing for this...and these people are truly a great people of God! I sometimes can not fathom over...how I've come this way...but it's all because of You.
Lord, You made this possible. Forgive me for forgetting the fact You give and take away out of love. You do everything for a reason out of love for Your people...to know You love that unconditionally...teach us....Lord. Teach us to love and share that. We fall easily...but through You there is redemption! O praise Him!
Lord, You have granted me relationships to touch people's lives in significant ways to bring glory to You...I pray that You continue to use me..and to lose this fear of losing a relationship..so that I may keep knowledgeable of all that this is all out of love from You. Thank you for loving us and giving us the relationships we have in our lives, they're a true blessing. Help us to stay strong in our relationships that You have granted to us..and to extend love to one another for Christ and in a Christ like way.
Lord...I pray that You grant me strength in everything I do for You and that I may not live in fear of praising You, extending the love You have for Your people to others who may not know of that love. Grant us, Your people to live our lives in a mere reflection of You, never fearing what You have set out for us..never fearing what You may give and take. Never fearing to be all we can be in a relationship, even if we fall, let us know we do not need to fear, because there is redemption in Your son, Jesus. For this, I am thankful. I am thankful knowing I should never have to live in fear all because of You and the love You have for me and others. You bring great comfort.
I may not always realize this comfort and I may have moments I question You, but You forgive and grant me anew soul....the old is gone, the new is here. I realize that this comfort and love You have for me is so infinite...I never want to lose touch of it, nor would I want anyone else to lose touch of You and the comfort, peace, and love You have for them, me, and all the rest of Your people. Everything you give is given so unconditionally...how amazing You are. Thank you, just...thank You...so much.
I pray that we as a people of Yours, can be united to say and praise You forever. I pray that You are glorified through our actions of fruit of the spirit. I pray that all that I do is continuously for You and in a way that You would want me to live.. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thank you...for choosing me and the people I have come to meet who are for You and all the rest I have not yet met or will never know. Thank you for creation. Thank you for comfort, peace, love, wisdom, and faith. Thank you for Your son, Jesus. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for taking my fears and turning them into strengths. You turn my fears into strengths so that I may live all the more for You and reach out to Your people. Thank you for granting me the willingness to do this all and courage to be so much more than what I am now...
Thank you for granting such strength and willingness to all of Your people! How awesome are You, God! :D
I am always in the ups and downs, but through You I am granted perserverance and strength, a strong faith and love that will never cease...I am continually growing in You..and seeing You more and more clear every time of the day. Thank you for clearing up the fog, so I am no longer lingering in the fog, blind. You have given me insight! You have granted me sight to see where I have gone wrong so that I may redeem and come back to You! Thank you! Thank you so much! You have reached for me and my heart before I would get too deep in the fog and grow blind, so I may get it right. Lord, if it is in Your will, I pray that You would continue to do so..and do this very same thing for all of Your people. I am thankful for the moments You bring me to my knees...humbled...sharing my fears, hurts, wrongs, confessions...and for the comfort You bring me in these moments. The moments I share with You are truly a blessing that is amazing...I can never get enough of You...
Your grace is sufficient in my time of weakness. I do not want to keep falling weak, I wish to stay strong..
Lord, I am lifting this all up to You...You're the best friend everyone needs. Help me to be that very best friend in all of the relationships I have in my life, only if that is in Your will.
Thank you.
<3 Mak
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