Lord, guide me with my words and actions to be a reflection of You. You're all I need.
My heart needs to live for You, never for anything else of this world.
Guide us, Your people to have a heart burning continuously for You and all that You are, especially for what You've done for us. Thank you, Father for all the blessings and hardships we endure because we do indeed grow stronger and wiser from everything whether it be good or bad. Through all the good and bad we grow closer to You, that I am forever thankful for. I learn more about You and Your ways each day of my life...that I remain thankful for.
Lord, thank You for loving us for who we all are by our hearts, rather than what we have done. You know us better than anyone else in this world. Thank you for the redemption we have in our lives, the relationships that build us, and for all that You guide us with of Your love and wisdom. You're amazing.
Father, I realize that I am not perfect, nor is anyone else. I pray for all of us to lean on You for every guidance, piece of comfort and wisdom, and all the more love for when we need it in the storms of life.
I pray this because we suffer from the darkness of this world, but Lord, You are the lamp to our feet! You shine a light on us that we are forevermore thankful for because You love us! :D
I thank You for all the blessings that are Jesus, relationships, both the good and hardships of life, challenges we face and overcome, and the give and take away gesture that You do in a part of our lives each and everyday. Thank you, it's out of love and care for us that You've shown. You've shown nothing, but love for us, Your creation.
I can't thank You enough for what You do in my life, alone...but for everything You've done in all of these 18 years...thank You, my Father. I remain apart of You, today.
Praying for all of my friends, family, and brothers and sisters in Christ. May the Lord strengthen you, bring you all peace at heart/mind, teaching you all discernment, wisdom, and the faith that shall remain in your hearts. May His light shine upon you all in the time of both the good and bad, and may He guide your pathways, giving you all patience and perseverance. I am thankful for all of you that are apart of my life, Lord has surely blessed not only me, but all of you.
<3 Mak
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
At times...
At times, I think a lot more than what is said. I tend to overreact. I tend to over look a lot of things in life that are more beautiful than what I truly realize.
I have realized that for myself to grow in wisdom, I need to overlook what is not as important compared to what is important..in knowledge of what is actually important.
How will I accomplish this? I am not exactly sure, but what I do is I can look towards the light that gives me guidance in the cloudy atmosphere that I face in life.
I can pray. I can continue to read God's word and see how He speaks out to me and others.
I am not exactly frustrated, but more curious as to why certain things happen...I know God has a reason for everything, that is no mistake there. I have faith that no matter what happens, He will be there to pick up the crippled man, lead the blind home, and shine His light on all of His people and creation. I have faith in knowing God is a God who is Armor to protect us. He has healing hands. He is the ultimate comforter. He loves.
I have faith in what God says and promises. I just sometimes wish that others would accept God.
I am really...wondering how I will spend my days with God...compared to how others who don't even know Him. Where do the people who aren't given the chance to even be exposed to God, get to know Him for all what He has done for me and my sisters/brothers in Christ, and all the rest of His people? How will the receive their salvation? Where do these souls go? Is God as merciful to them as He is to me for them not knowing of all of Him?
Given, it says in scriptures that the Law is written on our hearts....He has known all of us before we were in our mother's womb.
If we have the chance to act on our faith, spread knowledge of Him, more of the love He has shown for us...and we share that in some sort of way to the people in countries that can't receive such exposure...would they then be saved?
How often is it that we have missionaries actually go to many countries that won't even let them dare enter, nor preach the Good News of Jesus...How do we save them?!
I often wonder how these souls....will receive their salvation if we as followers of Christ can not reach out to them in time. Where will they end up?
Simply, I do lament over this. I lament knowing there are people who can't have the exposure to knowing God or isn't allowed to have anything to do with Jesus at all...will be...'lost.'
I want to know, what can I do as a Christian to help save these souls? I want to save God's creation. I know I am no person with special powers...that can save in just a zap of time...but...what can I do?
What can WE do? I want to save these people. I want to find a way to reach out to the world who doesn't know of God and His wonderful love!
Although, am I of the age of 18...well almost 19, but merely a young adult...I do want to make a difference in a life that may never get the chance of knowing God. I want to make a difference as to where I am a fisherman of men.
Life is precious...to have salvation...is precious. May God bless those in missionary work, church work, or any other form of serving God...may He bless you all so that your lives are influential to make a difference...to be a fisherman of men...I pray He grants you the strength to keep going, so that your fire for God never burns out. May God be with you wherever He leads you in the pathways of life, protecting, and guiding you.
Prayers are granted for you and all of His people.
<3 Mak
I have realized that for myself to grow in wisdom, I need to overlook what is not as important compared to what is important..in knowledge of what is actually important.
How will I accomplish this? I am not exactly sure, but what I do is I can look towards the light that gives me guidance in the cloudy atmosphere that I face in life.
I can pray. I can continue to read God's word and see how He speaks out to me and others.
I am not exactly frustrated, but more curious as to why certain things happen...I know God has a reason for everything, that is no mistake there. I have faith that no matter what happens, He will be there to pick up the crippled man, lead the blind home, and shine His light on all of His people and creation. I have faith in knowing God is a God who is Armor to protect us. He has healing hands. He is the ultimate comforter. He loves.
I have faith in what God says and promises. I just sometimes wish that others would accept God.
I am really...wondering how I will spend my days with God...compared to how others who don't even know Him. Where do the people who aren't given the chance to even be exposed to God, get to know Him for all what He has done for me and my sisters/brothers in Christ, and all the rest of His people? How will the receive their salvation? Where do these souls go? Is God as merciful to them as He is to me for them not knowing of all of Him?
Given, it says in scriptures that the Law is written on our hearts....He has known all of us before we were in our mother's womb.
If we have the chance to act on our faith, spread knowledge of Him, more of the love He has shown for us...and we share that in some sort of way to the people in countries that can't receive such exposure...would they then be saved?
How often is it that we have missionaries actually go to many countries that won't even let them dare enter, nor preach the Good News of Jesus...How do we save them?!
I often wonder how these souls....will receive their salvation if we as followers of Christ can not reach out to them in time. Where will they end up?
Simply, I do lament over this. I lament knowing there are people who can't have the exposure to knowing God or isn't allowed to have anything to do with Jesus at all...will be...'lost.'
I want to know, what can I do as a Christian to help save these souls? I want to save God's creation. I know I am no person with special powers...that can save in just a zap of time...but...what can I do?
What can WE do? I want to save these people. I want to find a way to reach out to the world who doesn't know of God and His wonderful love!
Although, am I of the age of 18...well almost 19, but merely a young adult...I do want to make a difference in a life that may never get the chance of knowing God. I want to make a difference as to where I am a fisherman of men.
Life is precious...to have salvation...is precious. May God bless those in missionary work, church work, or any other form of serving God...may He bless you all so that your lives are influential to make a difference...to be a fisherman of men...I pray He grants you the strength to keep going, so that your fire for God never burns out. May God be with you wherever He leads you in the pathways of life, protecting, and guiding you.
Prayers are granted for you and all of His people.
<3 Mak
Dear God part 2
Dear God,
I know it is right to praise You, but what shall I do when I find myself caught up in certain things of this world of darkness to me...that's like a mere praise to a God that doesn't exist. Not saying You don't exist, but I'm saying...God's...such as for money, work, internet...all kind of 'Gods' that could destroy my faith in You. These distractions...they distract me from all I can be for You...
Protect me, Father. I fear I'll wither away from the vine of life. I fear so much that I'll never be strong enough for another person in my life. I have fears....that...I never really took up with You, but Lord, I am thankful to know You have known them before I even had to say. You know me better than anyone else.
Lord, You know that in my heart I do mean good intentions for everyone on this Earth. You know I only want the best for others in my life and would never want anything lower than the best. The best...could only be You. Lord, I love how You are always here for me and Your people, this is a reason why You're the best.
Thank You for being here for us, Your creation, all of us. It is lovely. You're such a comfort because You never let go even as I write this...I'm sobbing....Lord, I am sobbing at the fact that I am happy, frustrated, and thankful knowing You are here. I have had my share of pains and fears, but Lord...I want to lift them up to You. This is my faith for You....let me share this faith of never letting go of knowing what is right and real...You. Lord...give me strength to write everything I'm about to write to You in a very honest way and heart felt sense. It's all I could do.
Lord, I fear of not being a good enough companion. I try so hard to live my life as a good person for You and for the one I should be with in life. I am dedicated to that person. I would never do anything to hurt them, nor their heart. I would only want to love them unconditionally as You have loved us. I would live my life caring for my companion, family, and You. I pray that this fear of me not being anything good enough would cease. I know that Satan likes to torment me in knowing that just because we are to face hardships..we should be unhappy, this is not true. We can make through all the hardships with a heart of strength, faith, and wisdom all for You, with You by our side, anything is possible. You make everything possible according to Your will and pathways for us. Thank You. Praises be to You, Lord.
I fear...I'll never be a good enough friend to a friend I have in my life. I have done wrong, and not treated every friend the same at some point or another..I feel. It is hard to live with the fact, I could do anything and everything for a friend..and fear it's never good enough. What if this is just me being a pushover and thinking...that if I do much more for them in either respectful ways, nice gestures, showing kindness, anything fruit of the spirit, anything to make someone happy...maybe that friendship would get better...
No. It won't. I could do anything and everything for a person and not receive anything back. Am I okay with that?
Yes. I am perfectly fine knowing I do a lot for a friend and never receive anything in return because I love to see a friend happy. I'm happy if a person is happy. I am sad when they're sad. My heart feels what they feel, because I am all about people.
I love people, I do. I have hard times expressing that as it is with people I have fairly close relationships with. I don't always know how to express myself and how I feel, but the way I can I express such love and affection for anyone in my life is by praying for them. Prayer is the only answer to show I care...even when I'm just frustrated with myself in not knowing how to express such emotions. I am afraid that I'll come across a way that people will take wrong.
Lord, you know I care a lot about the people I know. You know that I love them with my entire heart and I'd do anything for them, anything in the world. To see these people in joy and happiness, brings such joy to my heart...that I would smile all the time..but then smiling would just hurt after awhile...but I wouldn't care...because that's showing how I feel!
Lord, deliver me to be able to express such emotions with these people in my life and ALL of Your people/creation. To express an unconditional love and everything You have ever felt for us. I want to be able to do that, but of course, only according to Your will and ways, never my own...
I fear...I'll never be strong enough for a friend, family member, or companion in the time they need me. Lord, You have used me in so many ways unimaginable. Why use me? They're plenty of others as well. I've seen things happen...miracles...experienced miracles...witnessed to change of hearts, faith growing...just..so much love for You..and You have chosen me to witness this all?! I fear I could not be strong enough as a disciple for You, yet...I am a disciple of Your's now. Why did you choose me? I often wonder such a question, but I know I shouldn't question certain aspects. I can't help, but wonder...why choose me, when there are others who could have been chosen?
What if I feel I'm not strong enough to carry out Your will? What if I feel I am sometimes not good enough for such a task? What if I feel I am not good enough to fight the good fight, and finish before Your eyes?
Lord....forgive me for ever thinking such thoughts. I am chosen for a reason. I may never know all the reasons as to why you have chosen me...but...I am thankful, though, I do not show it enough.
We ought to be thankful for the fact we have been chosen as Your disciples to lead the lost out of darkness in to the light! To be able have strength and faith, the love for His people and creation, spreading all of that and His word!! Lord...for You to have chosen me...I fear I'll never be the strong disciple You wish for me to be...but yet...You have others think different. People see a heart that loves You and I want people to continue to see that...I'm afraid of withering away from what they see...
I don't want them to see anything less than You in me. Grant us, Your people to have the mere reflection of You in ourselves so that we can be the beacons of light that You have chosen us to be in this world. Thank you for choosing me, and the rest of Your people, this I feel is a true blessing. You are awesome.
I guess my overall fear is..I could not love as You have loved..especially when I yearn to love as You do. How is it that I am afraid? Love drives out fear, this I know.
Sometimes it takes the courageous to love and show wisdom. You have seen a courageous heart in me that was willing the day of my birth, the lifetime I grew up in, the night of my baptism, the day of my confirmation in a church, the days and nights I've lived for the past 18 years. All that you've seen is courage to do so much more, to live for something more than what was around me.
Sometimes, I forget about all the times I have shown courage and the willing heart for You...this heart..has not ceased from that, but has only increased in such areas. This is You...working on me. This is You holding onto my heart...again, You never let go.
I'll learn to love as You do in time, be patient with me because I am fragile at times..
I am thankful to know I am not alone in my struggles nor questions. It's only because of You that we can live in peace.
I am afraid that I won't display such peace at heart when it is there...what if I'm too quiet? What if I'm too reserved on such notes? What if I feel I have to be in such a way because I fear what others think...when I know that I shouldn't..through You this soul is guided with words and actions of Your ways. Therefore, what is to fear?
I am one life...that is just so willing. I can't say that enough. I am afraid that if I don't say a lot of what I want to express in person, people won't see what is there of this heart...and they would be in constant of prying it out of me or...reading it here.
I want to be able to say everything I wish to say without fear.
I fear that I won't sound intellectual.
I fear I'll make a fool out of myself.
I fear that no one will understand me. I hate not being understood...because I feel if I can't get a person to understand me..and what I want to express/say...I fail at so much.
What people may not notice about me...I get so nervous....when I'm around people. Inside, I am kind of freaking out...but I never show that on the outside. I never show that because I don't want them worrying about me.
Lord, I feel it is more of my duty to care for others....opposed to people worrying about me, or anything.
I try so hard to be selfless...and I sometimes wonder if I am even doing a good job at it. You know whether I am or not...I just pray that we as your people can be strong when it comes to being selfless, you didn't want us to selfish.
I fear I am annoyance...but then it gets me thinking..if I am friends with the people I am with...they may not find me annoying..but they see something in my heart that we share in common, or of the interests/likes/dislikes..etc..more so, God.
I sometimes fear I am a bore. I have been told I was boring, but this is probably because I have issues making decisions when I am with people or someone because...I am thinking, "What do they want to do? What do they like to do?? Let's do what they want.." BECAUSE...I feel this another act of being selfless...and I mean, I share the same interests as anyone on many things...I often wonder what the other person is thinking in their mind..therefore, I study gestures, mannerisms, and movements, observing what they like...and certain things in their dorms...or what they wear...etc...so I know what they like or dislike without having to really ask..because by that a person can tell so much about a person.
The reason I can't make a decision when with people or another person...is because...I want them to be happy and pleased. I want them to be entertained. I want them to enjoy whatever entertainment it may be, food/beverages, and the area we may be in...I want that person or the people to be in complete comfort opposed to myself. Most of the time I'm completely content because I am easy going and I'm open to a lot of different options or going anywhere, doing anything...because I love versatility. That's just me being open to whatever the door may open up of.
I know people sometimes get frustrated with me not being able to make a decision, but they need to know why I am like that.
Maybe I should become more decisive when I'm with people?
A lot of people just don't always understand me, but..hey, a lot of the time I don't understand me either...
God...You understand me more than anyone else because You know this heart more than anyone else ever could.
God...I am willing. I am willing to let You use me to show others who I can really be through You with all the strength I could ever give up for the glory of You.
I fear...losing people I love in my life. Whether it be from lost of contact, death, or just...over some sort of sin that causes 2 people to not have contact, left hurt, and wondering, "why?"...
I hate losing any kind of relationship.
I feel that any relationship I have ever built, or had was for a significant reason for You, Lord. You give and take away, despite how much it may hurt me..I pray I still praise You. I pray that all of us who experience this fear...are at peace and given the strength to know You are God, the God who gives and takes away all for the glory of Your will...and out of love.
I sometimes forget that You give and take away out of love. You have given me people in my life, that I count as blessings to me...from college. How wonderful are You for granting me such relationships with these people! You are truly amazing for this...and these people are truly a great people of God! I sometimes can not fathom over...how I've come this way...but it's all because of You.
Lord, You made this possible. Forgive me for forgetting the fact You give and take away out of love. You do everything for a reason out of love for Your people...to know You love that unconditionally...teach us....Lord. Teach us to love and share that. We fall easily...but through You there is redemption! O praise Him!
Lord, You have granted me relationships to touch people's lives in significant ways to bring glory to You...I pray that You continue to use me..and to lose this fear of losing a relationship..so that I may keep knowledgeable of all that this is all out of love from You. Thank you for loving us and giving us the relationships we have in our lives, they're a true blessing. Help us to stay strong in our relationships that You have granted to us..and to extend love to one another for Christ and in a Christ like way.
Lord...I pray that You grant me strength in everything I do for You and that I may not live in fear of praising You, extending the love You have for Your people to others who may not know of that love. Grant us, Your people to live our lives in a mere reflection of You, never fearing what You have set out for us..never fearing what You may give and take. Never fearing to be all we can be in a relationship, even if we fall, let us know we do not need to fear, because there is redemption in Your son, Jesus. For this, I am thankful. I am thankful knowing I should never have to live in fear all because of You and the love You have for me and others. You bring great comfort.
I may not always realize this comfort and I may have moments I question You, but You forgive and grant me anew soul....the old is gone, the new is here. I realize that this comfort and love You have for me is so infinite...I never want to lose touch of it, nor would I want anyone else to lose touch of You and the comfort, peace, and love You have for them, me, and all the rest of Your people. Everything you give is given so unconditionally...how amazing You are. Thank you, just...thank You...so much.
I pray that we as a people of Yours, can be united to say and praise You forever. I pray that You are glorified through our actions of fruit of the spirit. I pray that all that I do is continuously for You and in a way that You would want me to live.. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thank you...for choosing me and the people I have come to meet who are for You and all the rest I have not yet met or will never know. Thank you for creation. Thank you for comfort, peace, love, wisdom, and faith. Thank you for Your son, Jesus. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for taking my fears and turning them into strengths. You turn my fears into strengths so that I may live all the more for You and reach out to Your people. Thank you for granting me the willingness to do this all and courage to be so much more than what I am now...
Thank you for granting such strength and willingness to all of Your people! How awesome are You, God! :D
I am always in the ups and downs, but through You I am granted perserverance and strength, a strong faith and love that will never cease...I am continually growing in You..and seeing You more and more clear every time of the day. Thank you for clearing up the fog, so I am no longer lingering in the fog, blind. You have given me insight! You have granted me sight to see where I have gone wrong so that I may redeem and come back to You! Thank you! Thank you so much! You have reached for me and my heart before I would get too deep in the fog and grow blind, so I may get it right. Lord, if it is in Your will, I pray that You would continue to do so..and do this very same thing for all of Your people. I am thankful for the moments You bring me to my knees...humbled...sharing my fears, hurts, wrongs, confessions...and for the comfort You bring me in these moments. The moments I share with You are truly a blessing that is amazing...I can never get enough of You...
Your grace is sufficient in my time of weakness. I do not want to keep falling weak, I wish to stay strong..
Lord, I am lifting this all up to You...You're the best friend everyone needs. Help me to be that very best friend in all of the relationships I have in my life, only if that is in Your will.
Thank you.
<3 Mak
I know it is right to praise You, but what shall I do when I find myself caught up in certain things of this world of darkness to me...that's like a mere praise to a God that doesn't exist. Not saying You don't exist, but I'm saying...God's...such as for money, work, internet...all kind of 'Gods' that could destroy my faith in You. These distractions...they distract me from all I can be for You...
Protect me, Father. I fear I'll wither away from the vine of life. I fear so much that I'll never be strong enough for another person in my life. I have fears....that...I never really took up with You, but Lord, I am thankful to know You have known them before I even had to say. You know me better than anyone else.
Lord, You know that in my heart I do mean good intentions for everyone on this Earth. You know I only want the best for others in my life and would never want anything lower than the best. The best...could only be You. Lord, I love how You are always here for me and Your people, this is a reason why You're the best.
Thank You for being here for us, Your creation, all of us. It is lovely. You're such a comfort because You never let go even as I write this...I'm sobbing....Lord, I am sobbing at the fact that I am happy, frustrated, and thankful knowing You are here. I have had my share of pains and fears, but Lord...I want to lift them up to You. This is my faith for You....let me share this faith of never letting go of knowing what is right and real...You. Lord...give me strength to write everything I'm about to write to You in a very honest way and heart felt sense. It's all I could do.
Lord, I fear of not being a good enough companion. I try so hard to live my life as a good person for You and for the one I should be with in life. I am dedicated to that person. I would never do anything to hurt them, nor their heart. I would only want to love them unconditionally as You have loved us. I would live my life caring for my companion, family, and You. I pray that this fear of me not being anything good enough would cease. I know that Satan likes to torment me in knowing that just because we are to face hardships..we should be unhappy, this is not true. We can make through all the hardships with a heart of strength, faith, and wisdom all for You, with You by our side, anything is possible. You make everything possible according to Your will and pathways for us. Thank You. Praises be to You, Lord.
I fear...I'll never be a good enough friend to a friend I have in my life. I have done wrong, and not treated every friend the same at some point or another..I feel. It is hard to live with the fact, I could do anything and everything for a friend..and fear it's never good enough. What if this is just me being a pushover and thinking...that if I do much more for them in either respectful ways, nice gestures, showing kindness, anything fruit of the spirit, anything to make someone happy...maybe that friendship would get better...
No. It won't. I could do anything and everything for a person and not receive anything back. Am I okay with that?
Yes. I am perfectly fine knowing I do a lot for a friend and never receive anything in return because I love to see a friend happy. I'm happy if a person is happy. I am sad when they're sad. My heart feels what they feel, because I am all about people.
I love people, I do. I have hard times expressing that as it is with people I have fairly close relationships with. I don't always know how to express myself and how I feel, but the way I can I express such love and affection for anyone in my life is by praying for them. Prayer is the only answer to show I care...even when I'm just frustrated with myself in not knowing how to express such emotions. I am afraid that I'll come across a way that people will take wrong.
Lord, you know I care a lot about the people I know. You know that I love them with my entire heart and I'd do anything for them, anything in the world. To see these people in joy and happiness, brings such joy to my heart...that I would smile all the time..but then smiling would just hurt after awhile...but I wouldn't care...because that's showing how I feel!
Lord, deliver me to be able to express such emotions with these people in my life and ALL of Your people/creation. To express an unconditional love and everything You have ever felt for us. I want to be able to do that, but of course, only according to Your will and ways, never my own...
I fear...I'll never be strong enough for a friend, family member, or companion in the time they need me. Lord, You have used me in so many ways unimaginable. Why use me? They're plenty of others as well. I've seen things happen...miracles...experienced miracles...witnessed to change of hearts, faith growing...just..so much love for You..and You have chosen me to witness this all?! I fear I could not be strong enough as a disciple for You, yet...I am a disciple of Your's now. Why did you choose me? I often wonder such a question, but I know I shouldn't question certain aspects. I can't help, but wonder...why choose me, when there are others who could have been chosen?
What if I feel I'm not strong enough to carry out Your will? What if I feel I am sometimes not good enough for such a task? What if I feel I am not good enough to fight the good fight, and finish before Your eyes?
Lord....forgive me for ever thinking such thoughts. I am chosen for a reason. I may never know all the reasons as to why you have chosen me...but...I am thankful, though, I do not show it enough.
We ought to be thankful for the fact we have been chosen as Your disciples to lead the lost out of darkness in to the light! To be able have strength and faith, the love for His people and creation, spreading all of that and His word!! Lord...for You to have chosen me...I fear I'll never be the strong disciple You wish for me to be...but yet...You have others think different. People see a heart that loves You and I want people to continue to see that...I'm afraid of withering away from what they see...
I don't want them to see anything less than You in me. Grant us, Your people to have the mere reflection of You in ourselves so that we can be the beacons of light that You have chosen us to be in this world. Thank you for choosing me, and the rest of Your people, this I feel is a true blessing. You are awesome.
I guess my overall fear is..I could not love as You have loved..especially when I yearn to love as You do. How is it that I am afraid? Love drives out fear, this I know.
Sometimes it takes the courageous to love and show wisdom. You have seen a courageous heart in me that was willing the day of my birth, the lifetime I grew up in, the night of my baptism, the day of my confirmation in a church, the days and nights I've lived for the past 18 years. All that you've seen is courage to do so much more, to live for something more than what was around me.
Sometimes, I forget about all the times I have shown courage and the willing heart for You...this heart..has not ceased from that, but has only increased in such areas. This is You...working on me. This is You holding onto my heart...again, You never let go.
I'll learn to love as You do in time, be patient with me because I am fragile at times..
I am thankful to know I am not alone in my struggles nor questions. It's only because of You that we can live in peace.
I am afraid that I won't display such peace at heart when it is there...what if I'm too quiet? What if I'm too reserved on such notes? What if I feel I have to be in such a way because I fear what others think...when I know that I shouldn't..through You this soul is guided with words and actions of Your ways. Therefore, what is to fear?
I am one life...that is just so willing. I can't say that enough. I am afraid that if I don't say a lot of what I want to express in person, people won't see what is there of this heart...and they would be in constant of prying it out of me or...reading it here.
I want to be able to say everything I wish to say without fear.
I fear that I won't sound intellectual.
I fear I'll make a fool out of myself.
I fear that no one will understand me. I hate not being understood...because I feel if I can't get a person to understand me..and what I want to express/say...I fail at so much.
What people may not notice about me...I get so nervous....when I'm around people. Inside, I am kind of freaking out...but I never show that on the outside. I never show that because I don't want them worrying about me.
Lord, I feel it is more of my duty to care for others....opposed to people worrying about me, or anything.
I try so hard to be selfless...and I sometimes wonder if I am even doing a good job at it. You know whether I am or not...I just pray that we as your people can be strong when it comes to being selfless, you didn't want us to selfish.
I fear I am annoyance...but then it gets me thinking..if I am friends with the people I am with...they may not find me annoying..but they see something in my heart that we share in common, or of the interests/likes/dislikes..etc..more so, God.
I sometimes fear I am a bore. I have been told I was boring, but this is probably because I have issues making decisions when I am with people or someone because...I am thinking, "What do they want to do? What do they like to do?? Let's do what they want.." BECAUSE...I feel this another act of being selfless...and I mean, I share the same interests as anyone on many things...I often wonder what the other person is thinking in their mind..therefore, I study gestures, mannerisms, and movements, observing what they like...and certain things in their dorms...or what they wear...etc...so I know what they like or dislike without having to really ask..because by that a person can tell so much about a person.
The reason I can't make a decision when with people or another person...is because...I want them to be happy and pleased. I want them to be entertained. I want them to enjoy whatever entertainment it may be, food/beverages, and the area we may be in...I want that person or the people to be in complete comfort opposed to myself. Most of the time I'm completely content because I am easy going and I'm open to a lot of different options or going anywhere, doing anything...because I love versatility. That's just me being open to whatever the door may open up of.
I know people sometimes get frustrated with me not being able to make a decision, but they need to know why I am like that.
Maybe I should become more decisive when I'm with people?
A lot of people just don't always understand me, but..hey, a lot of the time I don't understand me either...
God...You understand me more than anyone else because You know this heart more than anyone else ever could.
God...I am willing. I am willing to let You use me to show others who I can really be through You with all the strength I could ever give up for the glory of You.
I fear...losing people I love in my life. Whether it be from lost of contact, death, or just...over some sort of sin that causes 2 people to not have contact, left hurt, and wondering, "why?"...
I hate losing any kind of relationship.
I feel that any relationship I have ever built, or had was for a significant reason for You, Lord. You give and take away, despite how much it may hurt me..I pray I still praise You. I pray that all of us who experience this fear...are at peace and given the strength to know You are God, the God who gives and takes away all for the glory of Your will...and out of love.
I sometimes forget that You give and take away out of love. You have given me people in my life, that I count as blessings to me...from college. How wonderful are You for granting me such relationships with these people! You are truly amazing for this...and these people are truly a great people of God! I sometimes can not fathom over...how I've come this way...but it's all because of You.
Lord, You made this possible. Forgive me for forgetting the fact You give and take away out of love. You do everything for a reason out of love for Your people...to know You love that unconditionally...teach us....Lord. Teach us to love and share that. We fall easily...but through You there is redemption! O praise Him!
Lord, You have granted me relationships to touch people's lives in significant ways to bring glory to You...I pray that You continue to use me..and to lose this fear of losing a relationship..so that I may keep knowledgeable of all that this is all out of love from You. Thank you for loving us and giving us the relationships we have in our lives, they're a true blessing. Help us to stay strong in our relationships that You have granted to us..and to extend love to one another for Christ and in a Christ like way.
Lord...I pray that You grant me strength in everything I do for You and that I may not live in fear of praising You, extending the love You have for Your people to others who may not know of that love. Grant us, Your people to live our lives in a mere reflection of You, never fearing what You have set out for us..never fearing what You may give and take. Never fearing to be all we can be in a relationship, even if we fall, let us know we do not need to fear, because there is redemption in Your son, Jesus. For this, I am thankful. I am thankful knowing I should never have to live in fear all because of You and the love You have for me and others. You bring great comfort.
I may not always realize this comfort and I may have moments I question You, but You forgive and grant me anew soul....the old is gone, the new is here. I realize that this comfort and love You have for me is so infinite...I never want to lose touch of it, nor would I want anyone else to lose touch of You and the comfort, peace, and love You have for them, me, and all the rest of Your people. Everything you give is given so unconditionally...how amazing You are. Thank you, just...thank You...so much.
I pray that we as a people of Yours, can be united to say and praise You forever. I pray that You are glorified through our actions of fruit of the spirit. I pray that all that I do is continuously for You and in a way that You would want me to live.. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thank you...for choosing me and the people I have come to meet who are for You and all the rest I have not yet met or will never know. Thank you for creation. Thank you for comfort, peace, love, wisdom, and faith. Thank you for Your son, Jesus. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for taking my fears and turning them into strengths. You turn my fears into strengths so that I may live all the more for You and reach out to Your people. Thank you for granting me the willingness to do this all and courage to be so much more than what I am now...
Thank you for granting such strength and willingness to all of Your people! How awesome are You, God! :D
I am always in the ups and downs, but through You I am granted perserverance and strength, a strong faith and love that will never cease...I am continually growing in You..and seeing You more and more clear every time of the day. Thank you for clearing up the fog, so I am no longer lingering in the fog, blind. You have given me insight! You have granted me sight to see where I have gone wrong so that I may redeem and come back to You! Thank you! Thank you so much! You have reached for me and my heart before I would get too deep in the fog and grow blind, so I may get it right. Lord, if it is in Your will, I pray that You would continue to do so..and do this very same thing for all of Your people. I am thankful for the moments You bring me to my knees...humbled...sharing my fears, hurts, wrongs, confessions...and for the comfort You bring me in these moments. The moments I share with You are truly a blessing that is amazing...I can never get enough of You...
Your grace is sufficient in my time of weakness. I do not want to keep falling weak, I wish to stay strong..
Lord, I am lifting this all up to You...You're the best friend everyone needs. Help me to be that very best friend in all of the relationships I have in my life, only if that is in Your will.
Thank you.
<3 Mak
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Dear God
Dear God,
Thank you for the watercolors that are desaturated in the sky, indicating your art work of the weather to be quite the cold one. I am still thankful despite it is indeed cold.
Despite this cold, You have brought warmth into my life.
Thank you for the warmth You bring into not only my life, but others surrounding all of Your beautiful creation.
I have come to find that more and more everyday I live for You, it does become more of the challenge. The challenge that I was so determined to take on. Now, that I am back at Concordia surrounded by a campus that is completely wonderful, filled with amazing people...I am afraid that I'll fall short of accomplishing what I should for You.
Lord, I am afraid, I will not fulfill my life for You and bring glory to Your name. I say this simply to You because I have fallen into temptation to feel haste once again in my heart that is a heart that should be all about love, compassion, wisdom, faith, and strength for the One who has given me life to live...which is You.
My Father, please do not let myself, nor anyone else feel this way of Your people. We are Your people who need the strength to find and understand what love is. Love is about showing compassion, having understanding with wisdom, having patience to understand faith and to accept something so much more than what is unseen, strength is not about physical, but emotional strength. Strength to love unconditionally with the faith of knowing God will provide that wisdom and faith of sharing love that is His and about Him, with one another, to not fear love. Love should not be feared, nor should wisdom of acceptance nor giving. It's a cycle, a cycle to trust. God is the trust we hunger for, but are afraid of because the love is unconditional...are we humans the same way with our relationships with one another no matter the type of relationship?
Father, I pray that you grant us strength to stay strong in You. Temptation to fall...is evident. Protect us from the darkness of this world in all situations...even when hardships in the storm while we ride the ship in the oceans arising, help us to bring glory to You, Father. Let us do all that we do in the glorification of You and the love You have for us. Grant us peace knowing it is alright to share wisdom in faith, wisdom of an unconditional love, and the Bright Morningstar who brought light to all the darkness of this world. Praises be to You.
Praise Him for all that He has done and continues to do for you. Don't linger away from what is truly a blessing in your life, it is not only God that is a true blessing in your life...but the blessings to love, wisdom, faith, and strength are also blessings that are from Heaven above. May God continue to bless your lives.
God...
Grant us the peace in knowing we do not have to live in fear of anyone nor anything. For You are with us in our pathways. Grant us straight pathways that lead us to the life that is with You.
Thank you for the gift of life. It is truly precious. I can not express how much I love the gift of life..and how much I would love to share it with everyone I know and meet.
Life isn't just living in a human body, life...is about being full of faith, wisdom, compassion, patience, love, and the willingness to show the fruit of the spirit...life in Christ...life is about having life in Christ. That's what life truly is...until then...no one knows what life is about. I hope to continue my search for Life and live Life all for You, Lord.
Father, I pray that people learn to live their lives for the life of You. Life is only granted by You and for You. Forgive us for not living lives that are all about You and the glorification of You and Your Son. I pray that us as a people will find Life in a fruit of the spirit kind of way, and Your spirit will grant us wisdom and guidance in finding the true meaning of life and living the lives You want us to live.
O' Praise Him!
I love You, Lord...Thank You...I don't thank You enough.
(To be continued) May our God be with you in our journeys together through the faith of both light and dark. You're not alone. Jesus Loves You and I am learning to love you the very same as He does...I pray we share the love Jesus has for us through Him and one another. Take care my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I bid you well.
<3 Mak
Thank you for the watercolors that are desaturated in the sky, indicating your art work of the weather to be quite the cold one. I am still thankful despite it is indeed cold.
Despite this cold, You have brought warmth into my life.
Thank you for the warmth You bring into not only my life, but others surrounding all of Your beautiful creation.
I have come to find that more and more everyday I live for You, it does become more of the challenge. The challenge that I was so determined to take on. Now, that I am back at Concordia surrounded by a campus that is completely wonderful, filled with amazing people...I am afraid that I'll fall short of accomplishing what I should for You.
Lord, I am afraid, I will not fulfill my life for You and bring glory to Your name. I say this simply to You because I have fallen into temptation to feel haste once again in my heart that is a heart that should be all about love, compassion, wisdom, faith, and strength for the One who has given me life to live...which is You.
My Father, please do not let myself, nor anyone else feel this way of Your people. We are Your people who need the strength to find and understand what love is. Love is about showing compassion, having understanding with wisdom, having patience to understand faith and to accept something so much more than what is unseen, strength is not about physical, but emotional strength. Strength to love unconditionally with the faith of knowing God will provide that wisdom and faith of sharing love that is His and about Him, with one another, to not fear love. Love should not be feared, nor should wisdom of acceptance nor giving. It's a cycle, a cycle to trust. God is the trust we hunger for, but are afraid of because the love is unconditional...are we humans the same way with our relationships with one another no matter the type of relationship?
Father, I pray that you grant us strength to stay strong in You. Temptation to fall...is evident. Protect us from the darkness of this world in all situations...even when hardships in the storm while we ride the ship in the oceans arising, help us to bring glory to You, Father. Let us do all that we do in the glorification of You and the love You have for us. Grant us peace knowing it is alright to share wisdom in faith, wisdom of an unconditional love, and the Bright Morningstar who brought light to all the darkness of this world. Praises be to You.
Praise Him for all that He has done and continues to do for you. Don't linger away from what is truly a blessing in your life, it is not only God that is a true blessing in your life...but the blessings to love, wisdom, faith, and strength are also blessings that are from Heaven above. May God continue to bless your lives.
God...
Grant us the peace in knowing we do not have to live in fear of anyone nor anything. For You are with us in our pathways. Grant us straight pathways that lead us to the life that is with You.
Thank you for the gift of life. It is truly precious. I can not express how much I love the gift of life..and how much I would love to share it with everyone I know and meet.
Life isn't just living in a human body, life...is about being full of faith, wisdom, compassion, patience, love, and the willingness to show the fruit of the spirit...life in Christ...life is about having life in Christ. That's what life truly is...until then...no one knows what life is about. I hope to continue my search for Life and live Life all for You, Lord.
Father, I pray that people learn to live their lives for the life of You. Life is only granted by You and for You. Forgive us for not living lives that are all about You and the glorification of You and Your Son. I pray that us as a people will find Life in a fruit of the spirit kind of way, and Your spirit will grant us wisdom and guidance in finding the true meaning of life and living the lives You want us to live.
O' Praise Him!
I love You, Lord...Thank You...I don't thank You enough.
(To be continued) May our God be with you in our journeys together through the faith of both light and dark. You're not alone. Jesus Loves You and I am learning to love you the very same as He does...I pray we share the love Jesus has for us through Him and one another. Take care my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I bid you well.
<3 Mak
Friday, January 14, 2011
The Hope....
I have returned back to college. Yes, and is going great! God is evidently working in my life and others. To just stand back and see how He is working in my life and others, is...just really having me in a whole new perspective of my faith.
This is just making me all the more yearning to be stronger in my faith with Jesus. I feel very deep with Him.
Though, I have not attended Offerings, nor Compline in the evenings because of either just hanging out or I had work/homework. I have at the least attended Chapel once this week. That's an accomplishment, right? I guess. I mean, I would like to attend more, but I am thinking that I'll attend on the days where I don't have as many classes because usually on MWF I am starving by my 3rd class and am given a half an hour to eat at the least. On Tue-Thur I have the least classes, therefore, that'll work better out for attending Chapel.
Evenings, it really depends because of work. I usually work in the evenings. If I work, I can't help it as much as I enjoy worshiping in Offerings and Compline.
You remember how I had mentioned I was going to return back to Concordia with a better attitude, being friendly with EVERYONE (esp my roommate), and amend issues I may have had, etc??
My friends, I have accomplished the beginning of this process. I have conquered my fear of what I may face...only through the guidance of prayer and Jesus. Through Him, anything is...possible and one is really given the confidence and courage to stand tall. I believe that is just amazing of what Jesus is doing for me in my life and how I am yearning to accomplish this goal. He is surely working in my life! :D
Examples: One of the first days I have returned back to Concordia, I spoke with my roommate. I apologized for how I acted. I confronted of what I seen in her blog, expressed my feelings, but didn't condemn her of wrongs exactly because I expressed how I've done the same thing she has done. I told her we both have done wrong to one another, and I wanted to fix it all. I wanted to start a new relationship with her, a brand new friendship. I wanted to treat her like the sister in Christ she was to me. I told her how I really never hated her, I was frustrated with her and how our communication wasn't really there. I didn't know what to do. I mentioned how I felt that in my heart I should be fixing my wrongs and making them right for God, and she should, too. We should work together for God, not just ourselves and the salvation God gives us.
(Given at this time, I was confident in knowing that God was by my side for when I expressed my feelings and concerns. God helps me in the times of need and the very same of all of His people!)
I mentioned to her that our suite mate Taylor and I had talked about this. Taylor really wants to have a friendship, too. I told her that some of our ideas were suitemate nights for watching movies, shows we all liked, and the like. She agreed to it. :D I was...very happy to hear this!!!
(God is awesome....)
What have I learned...
1. The WHOLE TIME of last semester, I was living in the fear of my roommate, and amending that relationship with her. I was self concious of what she thought...I was afraid to even approach her. I thought rude things of her. It was bad.
2. Sin creates fear. I sinned...that created the fear I was living in, even for her.
3. With patience, prayer, reflection, reading the Bible, and listening to God...anything through Him possible, even when facing a roommate and a conflict that is really more simple than thought to be! God...is a comforter, a confidence...
4. God is the very guidance I needed...and I noticed it over break more than anything...and listened closely to His word and voice. All praises go to Him.
I've also learned that if you really just stick close to God, listening to Him, rather than man, when it comes to conflict..as in when it comes to needing advice or wisdom...God really is the best to attend to. I say this because we often run to a friend, bf/gf, pastor, prof, whoever, who may be an ideal person to ask for advice or words of wisdom who are knowledgeable with the Biblical standards or God's word. YET...there is a difference of being intelligent and wise of the Scriptures, I feel..which is why we should just really go to the Bible ourselves...when we can just learn it all for ourselves!!! It's not often a person will open the Bible to articulate what is there in God's word that can easily relate to any real life situation, emotion, or whatever it may be...because they're too afraid of God's grace and forgiveness. Why be so afraid when it's easily given, especially when He loves you and wants you to KNOW Him?! I can't fathom over that. I understand sin and temptation interrupt our relationships with God, but we have the free will...If only people realized...how much...they're able to be loved and live in freedom..(real) freedom.
Anyways, I guess that went off topic.
I would like to say I have also been just passing the simple "hello" and smiling, upbeat attitude around as much as possible while still working hard. I've been pretty open to doing as such. I'm not opposed to being quiet either. I have my moments where I'm pretty focused and quiet, too. I'm still the person who usually would rather be approached first, but I'm getting better about approaching others first and such. I'm working on it.
What is kind of nice is...some people and professors that have known me for a whole semester or so, have made comments such as, "Hey, Mak, you're looking better. You seem healthier." "Mak, you seem....there's something new about you that is standing out. I can't quite touch it, but it is definitely standing out. It's positive. Keep it up." "Makaya, you're just glowing. I am glad to see you're happy. What's your secret, I want to know..." "You're so go happy. It's good to see you smiling, Mak. I take it you're feeling and doing better?"
Not only professors, but even friends have noticed I seem a bit healthier, and happier.
I am happier, healthier...maybe..it's up and down..but as for stress reasons, YES. I am BETTER.
I must thank God for this because it was only by Him that I have become healed from just the stress of life and realize He is the one who could really help me.
Therefore, in my discovery of this, further, I am making sure that I am active of blogging for the continuing of ministry, keeping my relationship with God active and in the walk of faith, especially my actions! I want to pass along such faith and love for Jesus with my fellow people here at Concordia in such a way that...it'll be an influence for...the positives of Life.
I am happier because...seriously if you just change your attitude and actions around for the better of others, for you, and God, and just...all those relationships, it comes out to be great!! It really changes you and the perspective you have on people and the world around you. I feel....it can just give you a chance to see how God sees..which is what everyone really needs to do.
Experience God's eyes for a moment...feel the compassion and love He has felt...and feel that for atleast a moment...and try to hold onto it..because I've felt it...and I never want to let it go.
Therefore, these moments I've experienced...my hope is to never lose them...my hope is to..keep experiencing them all, to LIVE them out, to SPREAD the moments of God's glory...
so that...we can all just have a taste of Jesus...again and again....wouldn't that be amazing???
If we could just all do that?! Firmly, it would be amazing.
My hope is for all of Concordia...to have experience the eyes, love, and compassion of Jesus as others and myself have done so that we can share the fact, it's okay to experience this, it's okay to know God, to know that sense of love, and sense of compassion, seeing people in a different perspective...and knowing Jesus in such a way.
To grow in a way of a path towards Jesus, and their relationship...it would be spreadable for the glory of God.
My hope is that.
I also hope...I stay strong, too. That'll be a challenge..but it's one I'm willing to take.
Good luck to everyone at another semester at Concordia! Praying for you!! :D
And others not..in school. xD
<3 Mak
This is just making me all the more yearning to be stronger in my faith with Jesus. I feel very deep with Him.
Though, I have not attended Offerings, nor Compline in the evenings because of either just hanging out or I had work/homework. I have at the least attended Chapel once this week. That's an accomplishment, right? I guess. I mean, I would like to attend more, but I am thinking that I'll attend on the days where I don't have as many classes because usually on MWF I am starving by my 3rd class and am given a half an hour to eat at the least. On Tue-Thur I have the least classes, therefore, that'll work better out for attending Chapel.
Evenings, it really depends because of work. I usually work in the evenings. If I work, I can't help it as much as I enjoy worshiping in Offerings and Compline.
You remember how I had mentioned I was going to return back to Concordia with a better attitude, being friendly with EVERYONE (esp my roommate), and amend issues I may have had, etc??
My friends, I have accomplished the beginning of this process. I have conquered my fear of what I may face...only through the guidance of prayer and Jesus. Through Him, anything is...possible and one is really given the confidence and courage to stand tall. I believe that is just amazing of what Jesus is doing for me in my life and how I am yearning to accomplish this goal. He is surely working in my life! :D
Examples: One of the first days I have returned back to Concordia, I spoke with my roommate. I apologized for how I acted. I confronted of what I seen in her blog, expressed my feelings, but didn't condemn her of wrongs exactly because I expressed how I've done the same thing she has done. I told her we both have done wrong to one another, and I wanted to fix it all. I wanted to start a new relationship with her, a brand new friendship. I wanted to treat her like the sister in Christ she was to me. I told her how I really never hated her, I was frustrated with her and how our communication wasn't really there. I didn't know what to do. I mentioned how I felt that in my heart I should be fixing my wrongs and making them right for God, and she should, too. We should work together for God, not just ourselves and the salvation God gives us.
(Given at this time, I was confident in knowing that God was by my side for when I expressed my feelings and concerns. God helps me in the times of need and the very same of all of His people!)
I mentioned to her that our suite mate Taylor and I had talked about this. Taylor really wants to have a friendship, too. I told her that some of our ideas were suitemate nights for watching movies, shows we all liked, and the like. She agreed to it. :D I was...very happy to hear this!!!
(God is awesome....)
What have I learned...
1. The WHOLE TIME of last semester, I was living in the fear of my roommate, and amending that relationship with her. I was self concious of what she thought...I was afraid to even approach her. I thought rude things of her. It was bad.
2. Sin creates fear. I sinned...that created the fear I was living in, even for her.
3. With patience, prayer, reflection, reading the Bible, and listening to God...anything through Him possible, even when facing a roommate and a conflict that is really more simple than thought to be! God...is a comforter, a confidence...
4. God is the very guidance I needed...and I noticed it over break more than anything...and listened closely to His word and voice. All praises go to Him.
I've also learned that if you really just stick close to God, listening to Him, rather than man, when it comes to conflict..as in when it comes to needing advice or wisdom...God really is the best to attend to. I say this because we often run to a friend, bf/gf, pastor, prof, whoever, who may be an ideal person to ask for advice or words of wisdom who are knowledgeable with the Biblical standards or God's word. YET...there is a difference of being intelligent and wise of the Scriptures, I feel..which is why we should just really go to the Bible ourselves...when we can just learn it all for ourselves!!! It's not often a person will open the Bible to articulate what is there in God's word that can easily relate to any real life situation, emotion, or whatever it may be...because they're too afraid of God's grace and forgiveness. Why be so afraid when it's easily given, especially when He loves you and wants you to KNOW Him?! I can't fathom over that. I understand sin and temptation interrupt our relationships with God, but we have the free will...If only people realized...how much...they're able to be loved and live in freedom..(real) freedom.
Anyways, I guess that went off topic.
I would like to say I have also been just passing the simple "hello" and smiling, upbeat attitude around as much as possible while still working hard. I've been pretty open to doing as such. I'm not opposed to being quiet either. I have my moments where I'm pretty focused and quiet, too. I'm still the person who usually would rather be approached first, but I'm getting better about approaching others first and such. I'm working on it.
What is kind of nice is...some people and professors that have known me for a whole semester or so, have made comments such as, "Hey, Mak, you're looking better. You seem healthier." "Mak, you seem....there's something new about you that is standing out. I can't quite touch it, but it is definitely standing out. It's positive. Keep it up." "Makaya, you're just glowing. I am glad to see you're happy. What's your secret, I want to know..." "You're so go happy. It's good to see you smiling, Mak. I take it you're feeling and doing better?"
Not only professors, but even friends have noticed I seem a bit healthier, and happier.
I am happier, healthier...maybe..it's up and down..but as for stress reasons, YES. I am BETTER.
I must thank God for this because it was only by Him that I have become healed from just the stress of life and realize He is the one who could really help me.
Therefore, in my discovery of this, further, I am making sure that I am active of blogging for the continuing of ministry, keeping my relationship with God active and in the walk of faith, especially my actions! I want to pass along such faith and love for Jesus with my fellow people here at Concordia in such a way that...it'll be an influence for...the positives of Life.
I am happier because...seriously if you just change your attitude and actions around for the better of others, for you, and God, and just...all those relationships, it comes out to be great!! It really changes you and the perspective you have on people and the world around you. I feel....it can just give you a chance to see how God sees..which is what everyone really needs to do.
Experience God's eyes for a moment...feel the compassion and love He has felt...and feel that for atleast a moment...and try to hold onto it..because I've felt it...and I never want to let it go.
Therefore, these moments I've experienced...my hope is to never lose them...my hope is to..keep experiencing them all, to LIVE them out, to SPREAD the moments of God's glory...
so that...we can all just have a taste of Jesus...again and again....wouldn't that be amazing???
If we could just all do that?! Firmly, it would be amazing.
My hope is for all of Concordia...to have experience the eyes, love, and compassion of Jesus as others and myself have done so that we can share the fact, it's okay to experience this, it's okay to know God, to know that sense of love, and sense of compassion, seeing people in a different perspective...and knowing Jesus in such a way.
To grow in a way of a path towards Jesus, and their relationship...it would be spreadable for the glory of God.
My hope is that.
I also hope...I stay strong, too. That'll be a challenge..but it's one I'm willing to take.
Good luck to everyone at another semester at Concordia! Praying for you!! :D
And others not..in school. xD
<3 Mak
Saturday, January 8, 2011
A random thought.
Would it be weird if we have ever prayed for Satan, like for God to help him with his own struggles?
I know that's REALLY weird..but it's just a random thought that came across my mind last night as I laid down to go to sleep.
Being that God is an Almighty God and has the ability to do all things great...
would He ever be willing to heal Satan?
Yet that would very well contradict the fact of why we had temptation and sin being that Satan and his demons are the ones that do such an act upon us humans.
It just made me think..that's all. Not that I ever would...because I am a follower of Christ and will forever praise God...
I just sometimes pull curious george's...that's all.
Weird huh?
<3 Mak
I know that's REALLY weird..but it's just a random thought that came across my mind last night as I laid down to go to sleep.
Being that God is an Almighty God and has the ability to do all things great...
would He ever be willing to heal Satan?
Yet that would very well contradict the fact of why we had temptation and sin being that Satan and his demons are the ones that do such an act upon us humans.
It just made me think..that's all. Not that I ever would...because I am a follower of Christ and will forever praise God...
I just sometimes pull curious george's...that's all.
Weird huh?
<3 Mak
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Attitude, it's time to start anew. :)
This past break has really had me catch up with God and my relationship with Him, which is great.
I needed it.
I really hope that a lot of the other students or students just from any where that are followers of Christ were able to do the same.
Anyways, looking back once again on my semester on how I may have acted around people that I had befriended, became in a relationship with, or professors, anyone in general, I've realized I don't necessarily like my attitude.
It's really...'bleh.'
I say this because there would be moments where I would not even think before I re-act, speak, or anything. It's really disappointing on my side because I am 18 and I need to be mature, an adult. It's time to start acting more like an adult. I know that I have not always been mature, and maturity definitely does not come with age.
Many times people would say, "Yeah, Mak, you're really mature for your age." For my age, but am I mature? I don't think I'm ALL THAT mature, but, yes, I do indeed have certain mature qualities.
I would like to display not a teenage reaction on certain situations. I would not to 'spaz' if I get upset about a certain situation or rant on about how something may have made me angry.
If I want to take care of such a fashion, I need to act mature and talk about it either calmly and rationally WITHOUT trash talking, swearing, or wanting to be all, "grr I hate this, I hate that...*insert swear here*"
I am willing and attempting to change my maturity level and attitude for the better of not only for the glory of God, nor myself, but for others! I am doing this mainly for the benefit for God and people so that they may see this display of Christ and hopefully take initiative to acting similar in their own sense for the glory of God.
I know it is not biblical to 'go over the top'. I have gone over the top about things. I have that tendency, but I have controlled myself, too. I want God to take control and calm me.
I want God to guide my heart to be peaceful, and not angry, nor filled with haste. I want God to help me guide others to even follow the example of Christ who was able to be at peace and at anytime He had felt troubled, He would pray. I want to be able to pray just as Jesus did..along with even Daniel, and other prophets, or followers.
I want others to be able to follow such an example.
I have displayed a character that is pretty outgoing on campus, but am I displaying an example of Christ? That's what I want to know...
I want to be able to have the same attitude Christ had, sharing love and happiness with everyone. Sharing wisdom, guidance, God's word, and the joy of the Spirit that lives not only in me, but surely many of His people on campus, and abroad! :D
I realize that this is a challenge, but this is a challenge that I am willing to take for God and others. I am willing to do this. I want to change for the better. Not only do I feel I need this personally, but others need this so that we may not have issues, or anything, whatever it may be.
Satan is going to try to tear me down, he will do anything and everything possible, but with God, my God is higher, my God is stronger...with God..I have strength. I take refuge in Him.
In the times of hardship in my journey, God will always be my strong tower, and fortress. I will praise and thank Him for the sacrifice of His son Jesus, everything that He gives and takes from me, hardships, people that are in my life, wisdom, intelligence, everything, and anything...that are apart of my life and that I've endured are the true blessings that I will be thankful for from Him.
Thankful, I am for the fact that God is working through me and is wanting to use me in such a way.
The joy I feel is hard to express, but all I can definitely say that I know is it is definitely God. God is so good.
God, you never cease to amaze me.
You're so awesome. I know I don't say it often, but really, You are. :)
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Lord, thank you for helping all of us, Your people, watching over us, guiding us and our hearts towards You. Help us to keep our attitudes and hearts set on the heart that You have so that our attitudes and hearts are a complete display of Your son, Jesus Christ.
Amend our lives according to Your will, never ours. Help us to keep Your decrees and follow them, holding them close and dear to our hearts.
I thank You for all that You do for us, during both the day and night. Guide us to be thankful for such a blessing, it is completely truthful.
Thank you, Lord.
Let our lives be lived all out for the glory of You, according to Your will, full of thanks and praise.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
I hope that this post shares not only my struggles, but touches your hearts in way that you will exam yours, too.
Blessings on your journey in the faith through light and dark.
<3 Mak
I needed it.
I really hope that a lot of the other students or students just from any where that are followers of Christ were able to do the same.
Anyways, looking back once again on my semester on how I may have acted around people that I had befriended, became in a relationship with, or professors, anyone in general, I've realized I don't necessarily like my attitude.
It's really...'bleh.'
I say this because there would be moments where I would not even think before I re-act, speak, or anything. It's really disappointing on my side because I am 18 and I need to be mature, an adult. It's time to start acting more like an adult. I know that I have not always been mature, and maturity definitely does not come with age.
Many times people would say, "Yeah, Mak, you're really mature for your age." For my age, but am I mature? I don't think I'm ALL THAT mature, but, yes, I do indeed have certain mature qualities.
I would like to display not a teenage reaction on certain situations. I would not to 'spaz' if I get upset about a certain situation or rant on about how something may have made me angry.
If I want to take care of such a fashion, I need to act mature and talk about it either calmly and rationally WITHOUT trash talking, swearing, or wanting to be all, "grr I hate this, I hate that...*insert swear here*"
I am willing and attempting to change my maturity level and attitude for the better of not only for the glory of God, nor myself, but for others! I am doing this mainly for the benefit for God and people so that they may see this display of Christ and hopefully take initiative to acting similar in their own sense for the glory of God.
I know it is not biblical to 'go over the top'. I have gone over the top about things. I have that tendency, but I have controlled myself, too. I want God to take control and calm me.
I want God to guide my heart to be peaceful, and not angry, nor filled with haste. I want God to help me guide others to even follow the example of Christ who was able to be at peace and at anytime He had felt troubled, He would pray. I want to be able to pray just as Jesus did..along with even Daniel, and other prophets, or followers.
I want others to be able to follow such an example.
I have displayed a character that is pretty outgoing on campus, but am I displaying an example of Christ? That's what I want to know...
I want to be able to have the same attitude Christ had, sharing love and happiness with everyone. Sharing wisdom, guidance, God's word, and the joy of the Spirit that lives not only in me, but surely many of His people on campus, and abroad! :D
I realize that this is a challenge, but this is a challenge that I am willing to take for God and others. I am willing to do this. I want to change for the better. Not only do I feel I need this personally, but others need this so that we may not have issues, or anything, whatever it may be.
Satan is going to try to tear me down, he will do anything and everything possible, but with God, my God is higher, my God is stronger...with God..I have strength. I take refuge in Him.
In the times of hardship in my journey, God will always be my strong tower, and fortress. I will praise and thank Him for the sacrifice of His son Jesus, everything that He gives and takes from me, hardships, people that are in my life, wisdom, intelligence, everything, and anything...that are apart of my life and that I've endured are the true blessings that I will be thankful for from Him.
Thankful, I am for the fact that God is working through me and is wanting to use me in such a way.
The joy I feel is hard to express, but all I can definitely say that I know is it is definitely God. God is so good.
God, you never cease to amaze me.
You're so awesome. I know I don't say it often, but really, You are. :)
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Lord, thank you for helping all of us, Your people, watching over us, guiding us and our hearts towards You. Help us to keep our attitudes and hearts set on the heart that You have so that our attitudes and hearts are a complete display of Your son, Jesus Christ.
Amend our lives according to Your will, never ours. Help us to keep Your decrees and follow them, holding them close and dear to our hearts.
I thank You for all that You do for us, during both the day and night. Guide us to be thankful for such a blessing, it is completely truthful.
Thank you, Lord.
Let our lives be lived all out for the glory of You, according to Your will, full of thanks and praise.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
I hope that this post shares not only my struggles, but touches your hearts in way that you will exam yours, too.
Blessings on your journey in the faith through light and dark.
<3 Mak
Sometimes
Sometimes I do become frustrated.
Sometimes..I am angry.
Sometimes..I act out like a child.
Sometimes...I sit here and think, "you don't understand."
Sometimes, I have been disrespectful to you.
Sometimes, I haven't shown love like I should have.
Sometimes, I have treated you differently.
Sometimes, I sit there and am frustrated with myself.
Sometimes, I really hate myself.
Sometimes, I hate you.
Sometimes, I want to just...really raise my voice.
Sometimes, I don't understand anything at all.
Sometimes, I'm confused and figure, it doesn't matter anyways.
Sometimes...I wonder...why do I even bother?
Really...this is why I bother...
Sometimes, I Love.
Sometimes, I care.
Sometimes, I respect.
Sometimes, I treat you right.
Sometimes...I show love to everything and everyone.
Sometimes, I love myself.
Sometimes, I like and love you.
Sometimes, I know.
Sometimes, I am understanding.
Sometimes....everything matters.
Sometimes...I wonder why it is..
Sometimes...I wonder why I battle.
The battle is that sometimes..a battle is always going to be between you and who you are wishing to be and all that you are now.
Sometimes, it's about change.
Sometimes, it's not.
Sometimes, I wonder...what is it that is changing me now?
Sometimes, I would like to sit here and say, "It's me."
God...it's You, not sometimes, but all the time.
I battle and battle, the fight is a fight, through You of this fight of both different types of "Sometimes" a fight is won. Help me to love, ease to anger, ease to frustration, show fruit of the Spirit, grow in wisdom, realize and be thankful for all the blessings that are true blessings in life, especially Your son, Jesus, and to grow in You..not sometimes, but all the time. Help not only me, but all of Your people, and the lost or non believers out there in this world. We all need you, not just sometimes, but all of the time.
I pray this to You, Lord.
-Mak
Sometimes..I am angry.
Sometimes..I act out like a child.
Sometimes...I sit here and think, "you don't understand."
Sometimes, I have been disrespectful to you.
Sometimes, I haven't shown love like I should have.
Sometimes, I have treated you differently.
Sometimes, I sit there and am frustrated with myself.
Sometimes, I really hate myself.
Sometimes, I hate you.
Sometimes, I want to just...really raise my voice.
Sometimes, I don't understand anything at all.
Sometimes, I'm confused and figure, it doesn't matter anyways.
Sometimes...I wonder...why do I even bother?
Really...this is why I bother...
Sometimes, I Love.
Sometimes, I care.
Sometimes, I respect.
Sometimes, I treat you right.
Sometimes...I show love to everything and everyone.
Sometimes, I love myself.
Sometimes, I like and love you.
Sometimes, I know.
Sometimes, I am understanding.
Sometimes....everything matters.
Sometimes...I wonder why it is..
Sometimes...I wonder why I battle.
The battle is that sometimes..a battle is always going to be between you and who you are wishing to be and all that you are now.
Sometimes, it's about change.
Sometimes, it's not.
Sometimes, I wonder...what is it that is changing me now?
Sometimes, I would like to sit here and say, "It's me."
God...it's You, not sometimes, but all the time.
I battle and battle, the fight is a fight, through You of this fight of both different types of "Sometimes" a fight is won. Help me to love, ease to anger, ease to frustration, show fruit of the Spirit, grow in wisdom, realize and be thankful for all the blessings that are true blessings in life, especially Your son, Jesus, and to grow in You..not sometimes, but all the time. Help not only me, but all of Your people, and the lost or non believers out there in this world. We all need you, not just sometimes, but all of the time.
I pray this to You, Lord.
-Mak
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Frustrations, I'm lifting them up to God.
As a lot of you may have been reading through my blogs, following me, etc. I have expressed a great deal of positivity or at least some sort of continuous joy in the Lord, for this attitude, it wasn't always like that in previous times before I had come home from college. I had my share of all sorts of emotion.
Frankly, in this past break God has shown me many sides of my personality that I did not know about before and I'm VERY thankful for that because it brings clarity to how I may communicate with others, have a view on life, perspective on certain issues, or how my way of thinking is processing.
It is a true blessing.
I won't lie, over this break, I have had my share of unfortunate events of finding out certain things that will worry and frustrate me, but all I can do is lift it up to God and keep positive about it in knowing He will take care of it all.
I have also had arguments with my older brother and mother. I love them both dearly, don't get me wrong on that, but to me, I do indeed become very frustrated with them. At times...I wonder what it is that causes this all to blow up into pieces that are scattered over time and never fixed. There are many things between my brother and I that are there, never fixed. I regret that. I do.
I feel a lot of the time when I try, he doesn't give me the chance. What am I to do? I pray and pray...
Just as the same goes for my mother. I pray and pray...
I am always getting told to just pray and keep strong...that's all I know to do really...
God...has worked on my family over this break.
How so?
In the argument:
1. Jason expressed he was frustrated on how apparently on how I have conversations with him. He says I make him sound downsized or that I show expression in opinion a lot.
-Majority of the time, it's not even opinion, I am just sharing a thought that is knowledge of the subject on hand. He takes most things as "opinions".
-This leads me to get frustrated with him on conversations, because he misunderstands what I am talking about...leaving me to explain things in a different sense (which doesn't bother me usually), but if I have someone yelling at me or acting like I don't know what I'm talking about...then yes...that will frustrate me.
-Mom
she cried at the fact Jason and I can't get along.
Trust me, it kills me, too. To hear that my brother even hated me..really...broke my heart. I love my brother with all my heart. I would never want anything to hurt him. I only want the best for him. Yes, I may have said things about my brother in the past that downed his character to others, but that doesn't change what I want to do now. I want to change everything that I've been attempting to change for the longest while.
It is a struggle just for me as much as it is for Jason.
Deep down, I am broken hearted at the fact Jason and I have the hardest time communicating.
We are completely opposite, but we are blood. This does not mean we can't or shouldn't be able to communicate or get a long.
I remember growing up...Jason and I used to ride bikes, go karts, dirt bikes, skateboards, and snowboards together. We used to shoot guns together. Play in the cornfields, woods, mud, everything together. We were always close. In school, he was always there for me most of the time when it came to people messing with me..(well he's still here for me now. He offers to kick anyone's ass for me. xDD) My point, I miss...the days where we could bond. I miss all those days. They have simply disappeared into nothing more than just mere memories that I can just hold onto dearly.
I want to fix my attitude towards not only my brother, but towards people in general.
Usually everyone who has come to know me usually has nothing bad to say about me. Knowing me, I could say bad things about myself because I'm not happy with how I've treated some people or handled situations..etc.
I'm very disappointed in my acts.
Whatever happened to being disciplined in keeping mature in thoughts, way of speaking towards one another, and even in certain situations?
Temptation and sin has gotten the best of me.
I really would like to make a change for the better in cases of my family situation, certain people that I have a rough time with back at college (aka my roommate), and possibly any other people I may have hurt or something. I'm not sure of who I may have hurt, but I know if anyone it would definitely be the fact I have a hard time getting a long with my roommate.
I've expressed before how I was really wanting to amend things for the better with her, again, I stand by that. I am dedicated to working on that. I know I have issues with connecting with people at times, but seriously....I want to give it my all. If she doesn't show any effort, what more can I do? All I can do is remain loving and kind, without being a complete pushover, and pray for her.
I just want to set things..right for all the people who I've messed it up with...and even work on all the relationships I have with everyone in my life to make it better. To show that I am willing to be all I can be for them as a friend, girlfriend, relative, daughter, sister...whatever title it maybe. I want to be all I can be for them in the most positive way as possible...I HOPE to really do this and keep it up.
Anywho...
I will be praying about this and guidance from God I am surely going to be needing. I am hoping that God will continue to keep my focus for the better. This I am thankful for. :)
I pray for all of you, too.
<3 Mak
-
Frankly, in this past break God has shown me many sides of my personality that I did not know about before and I'm VERY thankful for that because it brings clarity to how I may communicate with others, have a view on life, perspective on certain issues, or how my way of thinking is processing.
It is a true blessing.
I won't lie, over this break, I have had my share of unfortunate events of finding out certain things that will worry and frustrate me, but all I can do is lift it up to God and keep positive about it in knowing He will take care of it all.
I have also had arguments with my older brother and mother. I love them both dearly, don't get me wrong on that, but to me, I do indeed become very frustrated with them. At times...I wonder what it is that causes this all to blow up into pieces that are scattered over time and never fixed. There are many things between my brother and I that are there, never fixed. I regret that. I do.
I feel a lot of the time when I try, he doesn't give me the chance. What am I to do? I pray and pray...
Just as the same goes for my mother. I pray and pray...
I am always getting told to just pray and keep strong...that's all I know to do really...
God...has worked on my family over this break.
How so?
In the argument:
1. Jason expressed he was frustrated on how apparently on how I have conversations with him. He says I make him sound downsized or that I show expression in opinion a lot.
-Majority of the time, it's not even opinion, I am just sharing a thought that is knowledge of the subject on hand. He takes most things as "opinions".
-This leads me to get frustrated with him on conversations, because he misunderstands what I am talking about...leaving me to explain things in a different sense (which doesn't bother me usually), but if I have someone yelling at me or acting like I don't know what I'm talking about...then yes...that will frustrate me.
-Mom
she cried at the fact Jason and I can't get along.
Trust me, it kills me, too. To hear that my brother even hated me..really...broke my heart. I love my brother with all my heart. I would never want anything to hurt him. I only want the best for him. Yes, I may have said things about my brother in the past that downed his character to others, but that doesn't change what I want to do now. I want to change everything that I've been attempting to change for the longest while.
It is a struggle just for me as much as it is for Jason.
Deep down, I am broken hearted at the fact Jason and I have the hardest time communicating.
We are completely opposite, but we are blood. This does not mean we can't or shouldn't be able to communicate or get a long.
I remember growing up...Jason and I used to ride bikes, go karts, dirt bikes, skateboards, and snowboards together. We used to shoot guns together. Play in the cornfields, woods, mud, everything together. We were always close. In school, he was always there for me most of the time when it came to people messing with me..(well he's still here for me now. He offers to kick anyone's ass for me. xDD) My point, I miss...the days where we could bond. I miss all those days. They have simply disappeared into nothing more than just mere memories that I can just hold onto dearly.
I want to fix my attitude towards not only my brother, but towards people in general.
Usually everyone who has come to know me usually has nothing bad to say about me. Knowing me, I could say bad things about myself because I'm not happy with how I've treated some people or handled situations..etc.
I'm very disappointed in my acts.
Whatever happened to being disciplined in keeping mature in thoughts, way of speaking towards one another, and even in certain situations?
Temptation and sin has gotten the best of me.
I really would like to make a change for the better in cases of my family situation, certain people that I have a rough time with back at college (aka my roommate), and possibly any other people I may have hurt or something. I'm not sure of who I may have hurt, but I know if anyone it would definitely be the fact I have a hard time getting a long with my roommate.
I've expressed before how I was really wanting to amend things for the better with her, again, I stand by that. I am dedicated to working on that. I know I have issues with connecting with people at times, but seriously....I want to give it my all. If she doesn't show any effort, what more can I do? All I can do is remain loving and kind, without being a complete pushover, and pray for her.
I just want to set things..right for all the people who I've messed it up with...and even work on all the relationships I have with everyone in my life to make it better. To show that I am willing to be all I can be for them as a friend, girlfriend, relative, daughter, sister...whatever title it maybe. I want to be all I can be for them in the most positive way as possible...I HOPE to really do this and keep it up.
Anywho...
I will be praying about this and guidance from God I am surely going to be needing. I am hoping that God will continue to keep my focus for the better. This I am thankful for. :)
I pray for all of you, too.
<3 Mak
-
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A New Project
'Allo everyone. ^^ I hope that all of you are doing quite well and had a splendid day.
I will beginning on a new project that really started off as just me writing a fantasy novel, but then I had started to imagine all this imagery in my mind that I really wanted to get down on paper more so.
Therefore, I'm thinking of illustrating a comic or possibly a graphic novel.
This project isn't titled anything at all. It's VERY rough.
Basically, what originated the idea of this was my experiences in my fall semester of college and I had faced some of my own struggles of trust, battles in the 2 worlds of sin and truth. I really wanted to create my college life into a story that would help me to just express myself in a creative healthy way, but a way that maybe people would see it in a different perspective that wouldn't be so forward that's just saying, "oh, mak's life on paper...read it..okay..."
I want a reader to feed off of what I am evoking to them throughout my writing, whether it be a lesson that I learned that I think is important for them to learn as well, or just emotions that I felt..that I want them to feel, too....anything at all, I want the reader to feel like they are there.
That is my initial goal.
Okay here are my ideas.
My ideas are 6 humans get sucked into a realm that has 2 different worlds of its own
they have quests to go on in order to get back to their own world
they'll be your normal fantasy creatures such as warriors, warlocks, werewolves, goblins, elves...etc.
the problem is about this is...the humans can't tell which creature from each world inside of the realm is good or bad. It's all about that very human having to find trust, risking their hearts to be hurt...it takes courage to find trust..and i want to show that.
I'm thinking that inside of the realm, there is a series of tests in everything a human will encounter, and that will give them wisdom and strength if they are successful.
The humans will endure hardship of finding themselves, trust in not only their own hearts, but each other, and who they come to meet within the storyline.
There will be battle scenes, betrayal, and moments of both sadness and happiness.
I really want this story to evoke both the struggle both how sin and truth can play a big role in anyone's lives...and how we can work to live with it.
That's really my goal.
I am hoping that the story will evoke the reader to feel every single sense of emotion presented and provoke thoughts of wanting to make a difference for the good of not only their hearts, but for everyone else's.
I have much work to do on this project..like said it is very rough, but I am looking forward to it. :)
One day, I do hope to share it.
Don't be afraid to let your creativity flow any way possible. It may either be drawing, writing, or in a digital fashion..but I firmly believe we were all created to have some sense of creativity...use that talent that God gave you. He wants us to use the talents we were gifted with. :D
Blessings to all of you.
-Mak
I will beginning on a new project that really started off as just me writing a fantasy novel, but then I had started to imagine all this imagery in my mind that I really wanted to get down on paper more so.
Therefore, I'm thinking of illustrating a comic or possibly a graphic novel.
This project isn't titled anything at all. It's VERY rough.
Basically, what originated the idea of this was my experiences in my fall semester of college and I had faced some of my own struggles of trust, battles in the 2 worlds of sin and truth. I really wanted to create my college life into a story that would help me to just express myself in a creative healthy way, but a way that maybe people would see it in a different perspective that wouldn't be so forward that's just saying, "oh, mak's life on paper...read it..okay..."
I want a reader to feed off of what I am evoking to them throughout my writing, whether it be a lesson that I learned that I think is important for them to learn as well, or just emotions that I felt..that I want them to feel, too....anything at all, I want the reader to feel like they are there.
That is my initial goal.
Okay here are my ideas.
My ideas are 6 humans get sucked into a realm that has 2 different worlds of its own
they have quests to go on in order to get back to their own world
they'll be your normal fantasy creatures such as warriors, warlocks, werewolves, goblins, elves...etc.
the problem is about this is...the humans can't tell which creature from each world inside of the realm is good or bad. It's all about that very human having to find trust, risking their hearts to be hurt...it takes courage to find trust..and i want to show that.
I'm thinking that inside of the realm, there is a series of tests in everything a human will encounter, and that will give them wisdom and strength if they are successful.
The humans will endure hardship of finding themselves, trust in not only their own hearts, but each other, and who they come to meet within the storyline.
There will be battle scenes, betrayal, and moments of both sadness and happiness.
I really want this story to evoke both the struggle both how sin and truth can play a big role in anyone's lives...and how we can work to live with it.
That's really my goal.
I am hoping that the story will evoke the reader to feel every single sense of emotion presented and provoke thoughts of wanting to make a difference for the good of not only their hearts, but for everyone else's.
I have much work to do on this project..like said it is very rough, but I am looking forward to it. :)
One day, I do hope to share it.
Don't be afraid to let your creativity flow any way possible. It may either be drawing, writing, or in a digital fashion..but I firmly believe we were all created to have some sense of creativity...use that talent that God gave you. He wants us to use the talents we were gifted with. :D
Blessings to all of you.
-Mak
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Career thoughts
Well I have had some thoughts run through my mind over this break and I've come to realize somethings about what I've encountered about myself from the past and present.
I'll start from the beginning. During my senior year I had applied to 10 schools or possibly more than that, I can't really remember, but I just know that I was very paranoid about getting accepted into college. College was a vital aspect in my life because I would be the first to attend college in my family. My initial thought was, "I have to get into college. I don't care where out of these few, I just want in." After awhile during my senior year I began to really pray hard about it because I was not hearing back from any of these schools. I had taken my SATs a few times and I do suffer from test anxiety, it stops me from succeeding on tests immensely, it's quite a shame. Outside of the tests I know all the information pretty well, but on the tests, I have no clue...
anyways...back to my point...
I wasn't really paying attention to the fact I was pursuing wishful thinking. After awhile I prayed that God would lead me towards a pathway of His will, not my own, and He would guide me to see what He wants for me in my career, and where I would stand in His will, nothing of my own.
Well, despite what I wanted...I did cry each time I had gotten denied from a college. One after one, they came. I felt very discouraged. I thought, "this is it, I won't get in anywhere just because of a stupid test score..that's all they rely on." Then one day, I had gotten a call after school from Andrew my admissions counselor at Concordia Ann Arbor and he told me I was accepted, congratulating me on my acceptance. Overjoyed, I asked, "Are you serious?!"
I seriously could not believe I was accepted, finally. Given, Concordia was in my top 3 choices. I was very pleased.
This...had shown me..everywhere I applied, God denied, and opened this door because He WANTED me to Major in Family Life-Church Work-Youth Ministry and study Art as well, at Concordia University Ann Arbor, a LCMS affiliated university. If God wanted me to go anywhere else, or study anything else, He definitely would open that door.
Being that He didn't, after all my trust and prayer going to God...for all of that winter of 09-10, Spring of 2010, early summer of 2010, He reassured me of His will..and continues to do so!
I now am a student at Concordia University Ann Arbor, and to be honest, I have experienced my moments where I was all, "eh, do I really want to be here? am I only here because it is the only place I was accepted?"
I then contemplated that the only reason why these thoughts would ever occur is Satan. Satan is trying so very hard for me to become discouraged from going out and performing works for the God that loves me!
God chose Concordia for me, and I feel very called to do youth ministry.
Given, I've prayed about youth ministry since I was 16, therefore, if I were to give it up now, I would be an idiot...because all it is, is Satan trying to get into my thoughts and in the way of my relationship of God, the people who are at CUAA to help me succeed to perform ministry and preach the Gospel, and advance in my college career, destroy my relationships with everyone I've met and grown close with, everything.
I am choosing to talk about this because...I've fallen into temptation and wishful thinking once again so easily. I will not regret this because I've learned from it, simply, and I've learned how to stand firm against for next time around...continuously, that is, too.
Back in December of 2010, earlier in that month, I had applied to transfer to SCAD for the Spring of 2012 quarter. I was just..in a state of feeling really upset about classes and I just felt that Photography was really something I wanted to pursue.
What I have learned is...I would be running away from EVERYTHING that God has set up for me at Concordia. No lie. IT WAS WISHFUL THINKING.
I kept looking for excuses to leave Concordia. I have no excuses to leave Concordia at all. The only thing I could say about it, is...not much to do on weekends, but that's okay, I don't mind walking around, getting outside..I could do that more! :D I could share those moments with Sam and friends. :)
SCAD was...my first choice. Once I had heard that Smithy was attending there..she kept saying how she wanted me to transfer, and was all, "You could be my roomie!" I was thinking of how awesome that would be because we had talked about it long before I knew I was going to attend to CUAA. Smithy is one of my great friends, I would love to be there for her, but...
I'd rather be here. God sent me here, not SCAD. I thank God for what He has done for me.
It may have taken me this long to realize that God has given me so much more than what He could have given me at SCAD, but..no matter, I wish Smithy the best at SCAD because that's His will for her. She has great things going for her now..She's talented in illustration and sequential art. I wish her nothing but the best. :)
My point is..if I would have gone to SCAD as a transfer..I think that I would have been sinning greatly because I would have been chasing after wishful dreams that were nothing but selfish acts against God. The dream of SCAD would have been nothing, but wishful thinking of my own. I don't want that. I don't need that in my life.
All I need is God to guide me in my pathways and to grant my friends, boyfriend, family, church, and His people, guidance, love, and eyes that are His.
There is so much more when it comes to God, and life in Him. At Concordia there is sense of community I believe I would have gotten nowhere else, but at Concordia. I love Concordia, it is wonderful. I have wonderful friends, professors, classmates, campus, and a sense of knowing I will be safe. At Concordia, I love how I can attend chapel everyday, offerings, compline, and then there is church on Sunday's right up the road at St. Paul's that is close enough for us students to attend to. It's nice. There are devos, as well. It does have it's own sense of comfort when it comes to spirituality, it just takes one to get involved in it.
I like how I know a lot of people..and it is small. I enjoy a familiar face. Everyone is friendly. :) It's very lovely.
Now that I think of it...I don't think I'd rather be anywhere else, but Concordia studying what I am studying because...it's glorifying God, exactly what I want it to do.
If it weren't for God..I wouldn't of met all of my friends and boyfriend that are spectacular people...my professors that help me beyond belief..they're great. They're all such a blessing.
God has really blessed me with Concordia University Ann Arbor and everything it has to offer there, and the people on the campus. I am thankful for the people I've met. They're awesome.
I hope God blesses them all throughout this new year and guides their pathways just as He has been for me.
As I've said, I don't regret the fact of what I did about SCAD, but for one thing is for sure I am NOT transferring to SCAD. I'm staying at CUAA.
I do plan on attempting to graduate in 3 years from the Family Life/Art programs.
What I feel God also maybe leading me towards is...to do more study on psychology, ministry, and art. The thoughts of becoming an art therapist as a form of ministry as crossed my mind, while still studying youth ministry and art at CUAA. I am not sure exactly if I would do this...but it's something that has crossed my mind over this break. I will not pursue anything until plenty of prayer has passed and I probably have accomplished this Spring semester.
I just thank God..for letting me learn this lesson and having me realize..where I went wrong and seeing what I need to do to get back on track with Him. It's easy to fall from Him and see temptation from the past come back to haunt you and say, "ooohh this looks attractive" because SCAD is very...attractive in my mind as a college..but it isn't for me. Concordia is for me.
Therefore, thanks and praises be to God for helping guide me, setting my eyes straight back on to Him and His will, rather than my own! I needed it! :D
I pray that all of you keep your eyes on His will, rather than your own and that He guides you all according to His awesome and wonderful will. I pray that He also blesses you this new year. :)
-Sincerely,
Mak
I'll start from the beginning. During my senior year I had applied to 10 schools or possibly more than that, I can't really remember, but I just know that I was very paranoid about getting accepted into college. College was a vital aspect in my life because I would be the first to attend college in my family. My initial thought was, "I have to get into college. I don't care where out of these few, I just want in." After awhile during my senior year I began to really pray hard about it because I was not hearing back from any of these schools. I had taken my SATs a few times and I do suffer from test anxiety, it stops me from succeeding on tests immensely, it's quite a shame. Outside of the tests I know all the information pretty well, but on the tests, I have no clue...
anyways...back to my point...
I wasn't really paying attention to the fact I was pursuing wishful thinking. After awhile I prayed that God would lead me towards a pathway of His will, not my own, and He would guide me to see what He wants for me in my career, and where I would stand in His will, nothing of my own.
Well, despite what I wanted...I did cry each time I had gotten denied from a college. One after one, they came. I felt very discouraged. I thought, "this is it, I won't get in anywhere just because of a stupid test score..that's all they rely on." Then one day, I had gotten a call after school from Andrew my admissions counselor at Concordia Ann Arbor and he told me I was accepted, congratulating me on my acceptance. Overjoyed, I asked, "Are you serious?!"
I seriously could not believe I was accepted, finally. Given, Concordia was in my top 3 choices. I was very pleased.
This...had shown me..everywhere I applied, God denied, and opened this door because He WANTED me to Major in Family Life-Church Work-Youth Ministry and study Art as well, at Concordia University Ann Arbor, a LCMS affiliated university. If God wanted me to go anywhere else, or study anything else, He definitely would open that door.
Being that He didn't, after all my trust and prayer going to God...for all of that winter of 09-10, Spring of 2010, early summer of 2010, He reassured me of His will..and continues to do so!
I now am a student at Concordia University Ann Arbor, and to be honest, I have experienced my moments where I was all, "eh, do I really want to be here? am I only here because it is the only place I was accepted?"
I then contemplated that the only reason why these thoughts would ever occur is Satan. Satan is trying so very hard for me to become discouraged from going out and performing works for the God that loves me!
God chose Concordia for me, and I feel very called to do youth ministry.
Given, I've prayed about youth ministry since I was 16, therefore, if I were to give it up now, I would be an idiot...because all it is, is Satan trying to get into my thoughts and in the way of my relationship of God, the people who are at CUAA to help me succeed to perform ministry and preach the Gospel, and advance in my college career, destroy my relationships with everyone I've met and grown close with, everything.
I am choosing to talk about this because...I've fallen into temptation and wishful thinking once again so easily. I will not regret this because I've learned from it, simply, and I've learned how to stand firm against for next time around...continuously, that is, too.
Back in December of 2010, earlier in that month, I had applied to transfer to SCAD for the Spring of 2012 quarter. I was just..in a state of feeling really upset about classes and I just felt that Photography was really something I wanted to pursue.
What I have learned is...I would be running away from EVERYTHING that God has set up for me at Concordia. No lie. IT WAS WISHFUL THINKING.
I kept looking for excuses to leave Concordia. I have no excuses to leave Concordia at all. The only thing I could say about it, is...not much to do on weekends, but that's okay, I don't mind walking around, getting outside..I could do that more! :D I could share those moments with Sam and friends. :)
SCAD was...my first choice. Once I had heard that Smithy was attending there..she kept saying how she wanted me to transfer, and was all, "You could be my roomie!" I was thinking of how awesome that would be because we had talked about it long before I knew I was going to attend to CUAA. Smithy is one of my great friends, I would love to be there for her, but...
I'd rather be here. God sent me here, not SCAD. I thank God for what He has done for me.
It may have taken me this long to realize that God has given me so much more than what He could have given me at SCAD, but..no matter, I wish Smithy the best at SCAD because that's His will for her. She has great things going for her now..She's talented in illustration and sequential art. I wish her nothing but the best. :)
My point is..if I would have gone to SCAD as a transfer..I think that I would have been sinning greatly because I would have been chasing after wishful dreams that were nothing but selfish acts against God. The dream of SCAD would have been nothing, but wishful thinking of my own. I don't want that. I don't need that in my life.
All I need is God to guide me in my pathways and to grant my friends, boyfriend, family, church, and His people, guidance, love, and eyes that are His.
There is so much more when it comes to God, and life in Him. At Concordia there is sense of community I believe I would have gotten nowhere else, but at Concordia. I love Concordia, it is wonderful. I have wonderful friends, professors, classmates, campus, and a sense of knowing I will be safe. At Concordia, I love how I can attend chapel everyday, offerings, compline, and then there is church on Sunday's right up the road at St. Paul's that is close enough for us students to attend to. It's nice. There are devos, as well. It does have it's own sense of comfort when it comes to spirituality, it just takes one to get involved in it.
I like how I know a lot of people..and it is small. I enjoy a familiar face. Everyone is friendly. :) It's very lovely.
Now that I think of it...I don't think I'd rather be anywhere else, but Concordia studying what I am studying because...it's glorifying God, exactly what I want it to do.
If it weren't for God..I wouldn't of met all of my friends and boyfriend that are spectacular people...my professors that help me beyond belief..they're great. They're all such a blessing.
God has really blessed me with Concordia University Ann Arbor and everything it has to offer there, and the people on the campus. I am thankful for the people I've met. They're awesome.
I hope God blesses them all throughout this new year and guides their pathways just as He has been for me.
As I've said, I don't regret the fact of what I did about SCAD, but for one thing is for sure I am NOT transferring to SCAD. I'm staying at CUAA.
I do plan on attempting to graduate in 3 years from the Family Life/Art programs.
What I feel God also maybe leading me towards is...to do more study on psychology, ministry, and art. The thoughts of becoming an art therapist as a form of ministry as crossed my mind, while still studying youth ministry and art at CUAA. I am not sure exactly if I would do this...but it's something that has crossed my mind over this break. I will not pursue anything until plenty of prayer has passed and I probably have accomplished this Spring semester.
I just thank God..for letting me learn this lesson and having me realize..where I went wrong and seeing what I need to do to get back on track with Him. It's easy to fall from Him and see temptation from the past come back to haunt you and say, "ooohh this looks attractive" because SCAD is very...attractive in my mind as a college..but it isn't for me. Concordia is for me.
Therefore, thanks and praises be to God for helping guide me, setting my eyes straight back on to Him and His will, rather than my own! I needed it! :D
I pray that all of you keep your eyes on His will, rather than your own and that He guides you all according to His awesome and wonderful will. I pray that He also blesses you this new year. :)
-Sincerely,
Mak
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