I have returned back to college. Yes, and is going great! God is evidently working in my life and others. To just stand back and see how He is working in my life and others, is...just really having me in a whole new perspective of my faith.
This is just making me all the more yearning to be stronger in my faith with Jesus. I feel very deep with Him.
Though, I have not attended Offerings, nor Compline in the evenings because of either just hanging out or I had work/homework. I have at the least attended Chapel once this week. That's an accomplishment, right? I guess. I mean, I would like to attend more, but I am thinking that I'll attend on the days where I don't have as many classes because usually on MWF I am starving by my 3rd class and am given a half an hour to eat at the least. On Tue-Thur I have the least classes, therefore, that'll work better out for attending Chapel.
Evenings, it really depends because of work. I usually work in the evenings. If I work, I can't help it as much as I enjoy worshiping in Offerings and Compline.
You remember how I had mentioned I was going to return back to Concordia with a better attitude, being friendly with EVERYONE (esp my roommate), and amend issues I may have had, etc??
My friends, I have accomplished the beginning of this process. I have conquered my fear of what I may face...only through the guidance of prayer and Jesus. Through Him, anything is...possible and one is really given the confidence and courage to stand tall. I believe that is just amazing of what Jesus is doing for me in my life and how I am yearning to accomplish this goal. He is surely working in my life! :D
Examples: One of the first days I have returned back to Concordia, I spoke with my roommate. I apologized for how I acted. I confronted of what I seen in her blog, expressed my feelings, but didn't condemn her of wrongs exactly because I expressed how I've done the same thing she has done. I told her we both have done wrong to one another, and I wanted to fix it all. I wanted to start a new relationship with her, a brand new friendship. I wanted to treat her like the sister in Christ she was to me. I told her how I really never hated her, I was frustrated with her and how our communication wasn't really there. I didn't know what to do. I mentioned how I felt that in my heart I should be fixing my wrongs and making them right for God, and she should, too. We should work together for God, not just ourselves and the salvation God gives us.
(Given at this time, I was confident in knowing that God was by my side for when I expressed my feelings and concerns. God helps me in the times of need and the very same of all of His people!)
I mentioned to her that our suite mate Taylor and I had talked about this. Taylor really wants to have a friendship, too. I told her that some of our ideas were suitemate nights for watching movies, shows we all liked, and the like. She agreed to it. :D I was...very happy to hear this!!!
(God is awesome....)
What have I learned...
1. The WHOLE TIME of last semester, I was living in the fear of my roommate, and amending that relationship with her. I was self concious of what she thought...I was afraid to even approach her. I thought rude things of her. It was bad.
2. Sin creates fear. I sinned...that created the fear I was living in, even for her.
3. With patience, prayer, reflection, reading the Bible, and listening to God...anything through Him possible, even when facing a roommate and a conflict that is really more simple than thought to be! God...is a comforter, a confidence...
4. God is the very guidance I needed...and I noticed it over break more than anything...and listened closely to His word and voice. All praises go to Him.
I've also learned that if you really just stick close to God, listening to Him, rather than man, when it comes to conflict..as in when it comes to needing advice or wisdom...God really is the best to attend to. I say this because we often run to a friend, bf/gf, pastor, prof, whoever, who may be an ideal person to ask for advice or words of wisdom who are knowledgeable with the Biblical standards or God's word. YET...there is a difference of being intelligent and wise of the Scriptures, I feel..which is why we should just really go to the Bible ourselves...when we can just learn it all for ourselves!!! It's not often a person will open the Bible to articulate what is there in God's word that can easily relate to any real life situation, emotion, or whatever it may be...because they're too afraid of God's grace and forgiveness. Why be so afraid when it's easily given, especially when He loves you and wants you to KNOW Him?! I can't fathom over that. I understand sin and temptation interrupt our relationships with God, but we have the free will...If only people realized...how much...they're able to be loved and live in freedom..(real) freedom.
Anyways, I guess that went off topic.
I would like to say I have also been just passing the simple "hello" and smiling, upbeat attitude around as much as possible while still working hard. I've been pretty open to doing as such. I'm not opposed to being quiet either. I have my moments where I'm pretty focused and quiet, too. I'm still the person who usually would rather be approached first, but I'm getting better about approaching others first and such. I'm working on it.
What is kind of nice is...some people and professors that have known me for a whole semester or so, have made comments such as, "Hey, Mak, you're looking better. You seem healthier." "Mak, you seem....there's something new about you that is standing out. I can't quite touch it, but it is definitely standing out. It's positive. Keep it up." "Makaya, you're just glowing. I am glad to see you're happy. What's your secret, I want to know..." "You're so go happy. It's good to see you smiling, Mak. I take it you're feeling and doing better?"
Not only professors, but even friends have noticed I seem a bit healthier, and happier.
I am happier, healthier...maybe..it's up and down..but as for stress reasons, YES. I am BETTER.
I must thank God for this because it was only by Him that I have become healed from just the stress of life and realize He is the one who could really help me.
Therefore, in my discovery of this, further, I am making sure that I am active of blogging for the continuing of ministry, keeping my relationship with God active and in the walk of faith, especially my actions! I want to pass along such faith and love for Jesus with my fellow people here at Concordia in such a way that...it'll be an influence for...the positives of Life.
I am happier because...seriously if you just change your attitude and actions around for the better of others, for you, and God, and just...all those relationships, it comes out to be great!! It really changes you and the perspective you have on people and the world around you. I feel....it can just give you a chance to see how God sees..which is what everyone really needs to do.
Experience God's eyes for a moment...feel the compassion and love He has felt...and feel that for atleast a moment...and try to hold onto it..because I've felt it...and I never want to let it go.
Therefore, these moments I've experienced...my hope is to never lose them...my hope is to..keep experiencing them all, to LIVE them out, to SPREAD the moments of God's glory...
so that...we can all just have a taste of Jesus...again and again....wouldn't that be amazing???
If we could just all do that?! Firmly, it would be amazing.
My hope is for all of Concordia...to have experience the eyes, love, and compassion of Jesus as others and myself have done so that we can share the fact, it's okay to experience this, it's okay to know God, to know that sense of love, and sense of compassion, seeing people in a different perspective...and knowing Jesus in such a way.
To grow in a way of a path towards Jesus, and their relationship...it would be spreadable for the glory of God.
My hope is that.
I also hope...I stay strong, too. That'll be a challenge..but it's one I'm willing to take.
Good luck to everyone at another semester at Concordia! Praying for you!! :D
And others not..in school. xD
<3 Mak
Friday, January 14, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
A random thought.
Would it be weird if we have ever prayed for Satan, like for God to help him with his own struggles?
I know that's REALLY weird..but it's just a random thought that came across my mind last night as I laid down to go to sleep.
Being that God is an Almighty God and has the ability to do all things great...
would He ever be willing to heal Satan?
Yet that would very well contradict the fact of why we had temptation and sin being that Satan and his demons are the ones that do such an act upon us humans.
It just made me think..that's all. Not that I ever would...because I am a follower of Christ and will forever praise God...
I just sometimes pull curious george's...that's all.
Weird huh?
<3 Mak
I know that's REALLY weird..but it's just a random thought that came across my mind last night as I laid down to go to sleep.
Being that God is an Almighty God and has the ability to do all things great...
would He ever be willing to heal Satan?
Yet that would very well contradict the fact of why we had temptation and sin being that Satan and his demons are the ones that do such an act upon us humans.
It just made me think..that's all. Not that I ever would...because I am a follower of Christ and will forever praise God...
I just sometimes pull curious george's...that's all.
Weird huh?
<3 Mak
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Attitude, it's time to start anew. :)
This past break has really had me catch up with God and my relationship with Him, which is great.
I needed it.
I really hope that a lot of the other students or students just from any where that are followers of Christ were able to do the same.
Anyways, looking back once again on my semester on how I may have acted around people that I had befriended, became in a relationship with, or professors, anyone in general, I've realized I don't necessarily like my attitude.
It's really...'bleh.'
I say this because there would be moments where I would not even think before I re-act, speak, or anything. It's really disappointing on my side because I am 18 and I need to be mature, an adult. It's time to start acting more like an adult. I know that I have not always been mature, and maturity definitely does not come with age.
Many times people would say, "Yeah, Mak, you're really mature for your age." For my age, but am I mature? I don't think I'm ALL THAT mature, but, yes, I do indeed have certain mature qualities.
I would like to display not a teenage reaction on certain situations. I would not to 'spaz' if I get upset about a certain situation or rant on about how something may have made me angry.
If I want to take care of such a fashion, I need to act mature and talk about it either calmly and rationally WITHOUT trash talking, swearing, or wanting to be all, "grr I hate this, I hate that...*insert swear here*"
I am willing and attempting to change my maturity level and attitude for the better of not only for the glory of God, nor myself, but for others! I am doing this mainly for the benefit for God and people so that they may see this display of Christ and hopefully take initiative to acting similar in their own sense for the glory of God.
I know it is not biblical to 'go over the top'. I have gone over the top about things. I have that tendency, but I have controlled myself, too. I want God to take control and calm me.
I want God to guide my heart to be peaceful, and not angry, nor filled with haste. I want God to help me guide others to even follow the example of Christ who was able to be at peace and at anytime He had felt troubled, He would pray. I want to be able to pray just as Jesus did..along with even Daniel, and other prophets, or followers.
I want others to be able to follow such an example.
I have displayed a character that is pretty outgoing on campus, but am I displaying an example of Christ? That's what I want to know...
I want to be able to have the same attitude Christ had, sharing love and happiness with everyone. Sharing wisdom, guidance, God's word, and the joy of the Spirit that lives not only in me, but surely many of His people on campus, and abroad! :D
I realize that this is a challenge, but this is a challenge that I am willing to take for God and others. I am willing to do this. I want to change for the better. Not only do I feel I need this personally, but others need this so that we may not have issues, or anything, whatever it may be.
Satan is going to try to tear me down, he will do anything and everything possible, but with God, my God is higher, my God is stronger...with God..I have strength. I take refuge in Him.
In the times of hardship in my journey, God will always be my strong tower, and fortress. I will praise and thank Him for the sacrifice of His son Jesus, everything that He gives and takes from me, hardships, people that are in my life, wisdom, intelligence, everything, and anything...that are apart of my life and that I've endured are the true blessings that I will be thankful for from Him.
Thankful, I am for the fact that God is working through me and is wanting to use me in such a way.
The joy I feel is hard to express, but all I can definitely say that I know is it is definitely God. God is so good.
God, you never cease to amaze me.
You're so awesome. I know I don't say it often, but really, You are. :)
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Lord, thank you for helping all of us, Your people, watching over us, guiding us and our hearts towards You. Help us to keep our attitudes and hearts set on the heart that You have so that our attitudes and hearts are a complete display of Your son, Jesus Christ.
Amend our lives according to Your will, never ours. Help us to keep Your decrees and follow them, holding them close and dear to our hearts.
I thank You for all that You do for us, during both the day and night. Guide us to be thankful for such a blessing, it is completely truthful.
Thank you, Lord.
Let our lives be lived all out for the glory of You, according to Your will, full of thanks and praise.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
I hope that this post shares not only my struggles, but touches your hearts in way that you will exam yours, too.
Blessings on your journey in the faith through light and dark.
<3 Mak
I needed it.
I really hope that a lot of the other students or students just from any where that are followers of Christ were able to do the same.
Anyways, looking back once again on my semester on how I may have acted around people that I had befriended, became in a relationship with, or professors, anyone in general, I've realized I don't necessarily like my attitude.
It's really...'bleh.'
I say this because there would be moments where I would not even think before I re-act, speak, or anything. It's really disappointing on my side because I am 18 and I need to be mature, an adult. It's time to start acting more like an adult. I know that I have not always been mature, and maturity definitely does not come with age.
Many times people would say, "Yeah, Mak, you're really mature for your age." For my age, but am I mature? I don't think I'm ALL THAT mature, but, yes, I do indeed have certain mature qualities.
I would like to display not a teenage reaction on certain situations. I would not to 'spaz' if I get upset about a certain situation or rant on about how something may have made me angry.
If I want to take care of such a fashion, I need to act mature and talk about it either calmly and rationally WITHOUT trash talking, swearing, or wanting to be all, "grr I hate this, I hate that...*insert swear here*"
I am willing and attempting to change my maturity level and attitude for the better of not only for the glory of God, nor myself, but for others! I am doing this mainly for the benefit for God and people so that they may see this display of Christ and hopefully take initiative to acting similar in their own sense for the glory of God.
I know it is not biblical to 'go over the top'. I have gone over the top about things. I have that tendency, but I have controlled myself, too. I want God to take control and calm me.
I want God to guide my heart to be peaceful, and not angry, nor filled with haste. I want God to help me guide others to even follow the example of Christ who was able to be at peace and at anytime He had felt troubled, He would pray. I want to be able to pray just as Jesus did..along with even Daniel, and other prophets, or followers.
I want others to be able to follow such an example.
I have displayed a character that is pretty outgoing on campus, but am I displaying an example of Christ? That's what I want to know...
I want to be able to have the same attitude Christ had, sharing love and happiness with everyone. Sharing wisdom, guidance, God's word, and the joy of the Spirit that lives not only in me, but surely many of His people on campus, and abroad! :D
I realize that this is a challenge, but this is a challenge that I am willing to take for God and others. I am willing to do this. I want to change for the better. Not only do I feel I need this personally, but others need this so that we may not have issues, or anything, whatever it may be.
Satan is going to try to tear me down, he will do anything and everything possible, but with God, my God is higher, my God is stronger...with God..I have strength. I take refuge in Him.
In the times of hardship in my journey, God will always be my strong tower, and fortress. I will praise and thank Him for the sacrifice of His son Jesus, everything that He gives and takes from me, hardships, people that are in my life, wisdom, intelligence, everything, and anything...that are apart of my life and that I've endured are the true blessings that I will be thankful for from Him.
Thankful, I am for the fact that God is working through me and is wanting to use me in such a way.
The joy I feel is hard to express, but all I can definitely say that I know is it is definitely God. God is so good.
God, you never cease to amaze me.
You're so awesome. I know I don't say it often, but really, You are. :)
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Lord, thank you for helping all of us, Your people, watching over us, guiding us and our hearts towards You. Help us to keep our attitudes and hearts set on the heart that You have so that our attitudes and hearts are a complete display of Your son, Jesus Christ.
Amend our lives according to Your will, never ours. Help us to keep Your decrees and follow them, holding them close and dear to our hearts.
I thank You for all that You do for us, during both the day and night. Guide us to be thankful for such a blessing, it is completely truthful.
Thank you, Lord.
Let our lives be lived all out for the glory of You, according to Your will, full of thanks and praise.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
I hope that this post shares not only my struggles, but touches your hearts in way that you will exam yours, too.
Blessings on your journey in the faith through light and dark.
<3 Mak
Sometimes
Sometimes I do become frustrated.
Sometimes..I am angry.
Sometimes..I act out like a child.
Sometimes...I sit here and think, "you don't understand."
Sometimes, I have been disrespectful to you.
Sometimes, I haven't shown love like I should have.
Sometimes, I have treated you differently.
Sometimes, I sit there and am frustrated with myself.
Sometimes, I really hate myself.
Sometimes, I hate you.
Sometimes, I want to just...really raise my voice.
Sometimes, I don't understand anything at all.
Sometimes, I'm confused and figure, it doesn't matter anyways.
Sometimes...I wonder...why do I even bother?
Really...this is why I bother...
Sometimes, I Love.
Sometimes, I care.
Sometimes, I respect.
Sometimes, I treat you right.
Sometimes...I show love to everything and everyone.
Sometimes, I love myself.
Sometimes, I like and love you.
Sometimes, I know.
Sometimes, I am understanding.
Sometimes....everything matters.
Sometimes...I wonder why it is..
Sometimes...I wonder why I battle.
The battle is that sometimes..a battle is always going to be between you and who you are wishing to be and all that you are now.
Sometimes, it's about change.
Sometimes, it's not.
Sometimes, I wonder...what is it that is changing me now?
Sometimes, I would like to sit here and say, "It's me."
God...it's You, not sometimes, but all the time.
I battle and battle, the fight is a fight, through You of this fight of both different types of "Sometimes" a fight is won. Help me to love, ease to anger, ease to frustration, show fruit of the Spirit, grow in wisdom, realize and be thankful for all the blessings that are true blessings in life, especially Your son, Jesus, and to grow in You..not sometimes, but all the time. Help not only me, but all of Your people, and the lost or non believers out there in this world. We all need you, not just sometimes, but all of the time.
I pray this to You, Lord.
-Mak
Sometimes..I am angry.
Sometimes..I act out like a child.
Sometimes...I sit here and think, "you don't understand."
Sometimes, I have been disrespectful to you.
Sometimes, I haven't shown love like I should have.
Sometimes, I have treated you differently.
Sometimes, I sit there and am frustrated with myself.
Sometimes, I really hate myself.
Sometimes, I hate you.
Sometimes, I want to just...really raise my voice.
Sometimes, I don't understand anything at all.
Sometimes, I'm confused and figure, it doesn't matter anyways.
Sometimes...I wonder...why do I even bother?
Really...this is why I bother...
Sometimes, I Love.
Sometimes, I care.
Sometimes, I respect.
Sometimes, I treat you right.
Sometimes...I show love to everything and everyone.
Sometimes, I love myself.
Sometimes, I like and love you.
Sometimes, I know.
Sometimes, I am understanding.
Sometimes....everything matters.
Sometimes...I wonder why it is..
Sometimes...I wonder why I battle.
The battle is that sometimes..a battle is always going to be between you and who you are wishing to be and all that you are now.
Sometimes, it's about change.
Sometimes, it's not.
Sometimes, I wonder...what is it that is changing me now?
Sometimes, I would like to sit here and say, "It's me."
God...it's You, not sometimes, but all the time.
I battle and battle, the fight is a fight, through You of this fight of both different types of "Sometimes" a fight is won. Help me to love, ease to anger, ease to frustration, show fruit of the Spirit, grow in wisdom, realize and be thankful for all the blessings that are true blessings in life, especially Your son, Jesus, and to grow in You..not sometimes, but all the time. Help not only me, but all of Your people, and the lost or non believers out there in this world. We all need you, not just sometimes, but all of the time.
I pray this to You, Lord.
-Mak
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Frustrations, I'm lifting them up to God.
As a lot of you may have been reading through my blogs, following me, etc. I have expressed a great deal of positivity or at least some sort of continuous joy in the Lord, for this attitude, it wasn't always like that in previous times before I had come home from college. I had my share of all sorts of emotion.
Frankly, in this past break God has shown me many sides of my personality that I did not know about before and I'm VERY thankful for that because it brings clarity to how I may communicate with others, have a view on life, perspective on certain issues, or how my way of thinking is processing.
It is a true blessing.
I won't lie, over this break, I have had my share of unfortunate events of finding out certain things that will worry and frustrate me, but all I can do is lift it up to God and keep positive about it in knowing He will take care of it all.
I have also had arguments with my older brother and mother. I love them both dearly, don't get me wrong on that, but to me, I do indeed become very frustrated with them. At times...I wonder what it is that causes this all to blow up into pieces that are scattered over time and never fixed. There are many things between my brother and I that are there, never fixed. I regret that. I do.
I feel a lot of the time when I try, he doesn't give me the chance. What am I to do? I pray and pray...
Just as the same goes for my mother. I pray and pray...
I am always getting told to just pray and keep strong...that's all I know to do really...
God...has worked on my family over this break.
How so?
In the argument:
1. Jason expressed he was frustrated on how apparently on how I have conversations with him. He says I make him sound downsized or that I show expression in opinion a lot.
-Majority of the time, it's not even opinion, I am just sharing a thought that is knowledge of the subject on hand. He takes most things as "opinions".
-This leads me to get frustrated with him on conversations, because he misunderstands what I am talking about...leaving me to explain things in a different sense (which doesn't bother me usually), but if I have someone yelling at me or acting like I don't know what I'm talking about...then yes...that will frustrate me.
-Mom
she cried at the fact Jason and I can't get along.
Trust me, it kills me, too. To hear that my brother even hated me..really...broke my heart. I love my brother with all my heart. I would never want anything to hurt him. I only want the best for him. Yes, I may have said things about my brother in the past that downed his character to others, but that doesn't change what I want to do now. I want to change everything that I've been attempting to change for the longest while.
It is a struggle just for me as much as it is for Jason.
Deep down, I am broken hearted at the fact Jason and I have the hardest time communicating.
We are completely opposite, but we are blood. This does not mean we can't or shouldn't be able to communicate or get a long.
I remember growing up...Jason and I used to ride bikes, go karts, dirt bikes, skateboards, and snowboards together. We used to shoot guns together. Play in the cornfields, woods, mud, everything together. We were always close. In school, he was always there for me most of the time when it came to people messing with me..(well he's still here for me now. He offers to kick anyone's ass for me. xDD) My point, I miss...the days where we could bond. I miss all those days. They have simply disappeared into nothing more than just mere memories that I can just hold onto dearly.
I want to fix my attitude towards not only my brother, but towards people in general.
Usually everyone who has come to know me usually has nothing bad to say about me. Knowing me, I could say bad things about myself because I'm not happy with how I've treated some people or handled situations..etc.
I'm very disappointed in my acts.
Whatever happened to being disciplined in keeping mature in thoughts, way of speaking towards one another, and even in certain situations?
Temptation and sin has gotten the best of me.
I really would like to make a change for the better in cases of my family situation, certain people that I have a rough time with back at college (aka my roommate), and possibly any other people I may have hurt or something. I'm not sure of who I may have hurt, but I know if anyone it would definitely be the fact I have a hard time getting a long with my roommate.
I've expressed before how I was really wanting to amend things for the better with her, again, I stand by that. I am dedicated to working on that. I know I have issues with connecting with people at times, but seriously....I want to give it my all. If she doesn't show any effort, what more can I do? All I can do is remain loving and kind, without being a complete pushover, and pray for her.
I just want to set things..right for all the people who I've messed it up with...and even work on all the relationships I have with everyone in my life to make it better. To show that I am willing to be all I can be for them as a friend, girlfriend, relative, daughter, sister...whatever title it maybe. I want to be all I can be for them in the most positive way as possible...I HOPE to really do this and keep it up.
Anywho...
I will be praying about this and guidance from God I am surely going to be needing. I am hoping that God will continue to keep my focus for the better. This I am thankful for. :)
I pray for all of you, too.
<3 Mak
-
Frankly, in this past break God has shown me many sides of my personality that I did not know about before and I'm VERY thankful for that because it brings clarity to how I may communicate with others, have a view on life, perspective on certain issues, or how my way of thinking is processing.
It is a true blessing.
I won't lie, over this break, I have had my share of unfortunate events of finding out certain things that will worry and frustrate me, but all I can do is lift it up to God and keep positive about it in knowing He will take care of it all.
I have also had arguments with my older brother and mother. I love them both dearly, don't get me wrong on that, but to me, I do indeed become very frustrated with them. At times...I wonder what it is that causes this all to blow up into pieces that are scattered over time and never fixed. There are many things between my brother and I that are there, never fixed. I regret that. I do.
I feel a lot of the time when I try, he doesn't give me the chance. What am I to do? I pray and pray...
Just as the same goes for my mother. I pray and pray...
I am always getting told to just pray and keep strong...that's all I know to do really...
God...has worked on my family over this break.
How so?
In the argument:
1. Jason expressed he was frustrated on how apparently on how I have conversations with him. He says I make him sound downsized or that I show expression in opinion a lot.
-Majority of the time, it's not even opinion, I am just sharing a thought that is knowledge of the subject on hand. He takes most things as "opinions".
-This leads me to get frustrated with him on conversations, because he misunderstands what I am talking about...leaving me to explain things in a different sense (which doesn't bother me usually), but if I have someone yelling at me or acting like I don't know what I'm talking about...then yes...that will frustrate me.
-Mom
she cried at the fact Jason and I can't get along.
Trust me, it kills me, too. To hear that my brother even hated me..really...broke my heart. I love my brother with all my heart. I would never want anything to hurt him. I only want the best for him. Yes, I may have said things about my brother in the past that downed his character to others, but that doesn't change what I want to do now. I want to change everything that I've been attempting to change for the longest while.
It is a struggle just for me as much as it is for Jason.
Deep down, I am broken hearted at the fact Jason and I have the hardest time communicating.
We are completely opposite, but we are blood. This does not mean we can't or shouldn't be able to communicate or get a long.
I remember growing up...Jason and I used to ride bikes, go karts, dirt bikes, skateboards, and snowboards together. We used to shoot guns together. Play in the cornfields, woods, mud, everything together. We were always close. In school, he was always there for me most of the time when it came to people messing with me..(well he's still here for me now. He offers to kick anyone's ass for me. xDD) My point, I miss...the days where we could bond. I miss all those days. They have simply disappeared into nothing more than just mere memories that I can just hold onto dearly.
I want to fix my attitude towards not only my brother, but towards people in general.
Usually everyone who has come to know me usually has nothing bad to say about me. Knowing me, I could say bad things about myself because I'm not happy with how I've treated some people or handled situations..etc.
I'm very disappointed in my acts.
Whatever happened to being disciplined in keeping mature in thoughts, way of speaking towards one another, and even in certain situations?
Temptation and sin has gotten the best of me.
I really would like to make a change for the better in cases of my family situation, certain people that I have a rough time with back at college (aka my roommate), and possibly any other people I may have hurt or something. I'm not sure of who I may have hurt, but I know if anyone it would definitely be the fact I have a hard time getting a long with my roommate.
I've expressed before how I was really wanting to amend things for the better with her, again, I stand by that. I am dedicated to working on that. I know I have issues with connecting with people at times, but seriously....I want to give it my all. If she doesn't show any effort, what more can I do? All I can do is remain loving and kind, without being a complete pushover, and pray for her.
I just want to set things..right for all the people who I've messed it up with...and even work on all the relationships I have with everyone in my life to make it better. To show that I am willing to be all I can be for them as a friend, girlfriend, relative, daughter, sister...whatever title it maybe. I want to be all I can be for them in the most positive way as possible...I HOPE to really do this and keep it up.
Anywho...
I will be praying about this and guidance from God I am surely going to be needing. I am hoping that God will continue to keep my focus for the better. This I am thankful for. :)
I pray for all of you, too.
<3 Mak
-
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A New Project
'Allo everyone. ^^ I hope that all of you are doing quite well and had a splendid day.
I will beginning on a new project that really started off as just me writing a fantasy novel, but then I had started to imagine all this imagery in my mind that I really wanted to get down on paper more so.
Therefore, I'm thinking of illustrating a comic or possibly a graphic novel.
This project isn't titled anything at all. It's VERY rough.
Basically, what originated the idea of this was my experiences in my fall semester of college and I had faced some of my own struggles of trust, battles in the 2 worlds of sin and truth. I really wanted to create my college life into a story that would help me to just express myself in a creative healthy way, but a way that maybe people would see it in a different perspective that wouldn't be so forward that's just saying, "oh, mak's life on paper...read it..okay..."
I want a reader to feed off of what I am evoking to them throughout my writing, whether it be a lesson that I learned that I think is important for them to learn as well, or just emotions that I felt..that I want them to feel, too....anything at all, I want the reader to feel like they are there.
That is my initial goal.
Okay here are my ideas.
My ideas are 6 humans get sucked into a realm that has 2 different worlds of its own
they have quests to go on in order to get back to their own world
they'll be your normal fantasy creatures such as warriors, warlocks, werewolves, goblins, elves...etc.
the problem is about this is...the humans can't tell which creature from each world inside of the realm is good or bad. It's all about that very human having to find trust, risking their hearts to be hurt...it takes courage to find trust..and i want to show that.
I'm thinking that inside of the realm, there is a series of tests in everything a human will encounter, and that will give them wisdom and strength if they are successful.
The humans will endure hardship of finding themselves, trust in not only their own hearts, but each other, and who they come to meet within the storyline.
There will be battle scenes, betrayal, and moments of both sadness and happiness.
I really want this story to evoke both the struggle both how sin and truth can play a big role in anyone's lives...and how we can work to live with it.
That's really my goal.
I am hoping that the story will evoke the reader to feel every single sense of emotion presented and provoke thoughts of wanting to make a difference for the good of not only their hearts, but for everyone else's.
I have much work to do on this project..like said it is very rough, but I am looking forward to it. :)
One day, I do hope to share it.
Don't be afraid to let your creativity flow any way possible. It may either be drawing, writing, or in a digital fashion..but I firmly believe we were all created to have some sense of creativity...use that talent that God gave you. He wants us to use the talents we were gifted with. :D
Blessings to all of you.
-Mak
I will beginning on a new project that really started off as just me writing a fantasy novel, but then I had started to imagine all this imagery in my mind that I really wanted to get down on paper more so.
Therefore, I'm thinking of illustrating a comic or possibly a graphic novel.
This project isn't titled anything at all. It's VERY rough.
Basically, what originated the idea of this was my experiences in my fall semester of college and I had faced some of my own struggles of trust, battles in the 2 worlds of sin and truth. I really wanted to create my college life into a story that would help me to just express myself in a creative healthy way, but a way that maybe people would see it in a different perspective that wouldn't be so forward that's just saying, "oh, mak's life on paper...read it..okay..."
I want a reader to feed off of what I am evoking to them throughout my writing, whether it be a lesson that I learned that I think is important for them to learn as well, or just emotions that I felt..that I want them to feel, too....anything at all, I want the reader to feel like they are there.
That is my initial goal.
Okay here are my ideas.
My ideas are 6 humans get sucked into a realm that has 2 different worlds of its own
they have quests to go on in order to get back to their own world
they'll be your normal fantasy creatures such as warriors, warlocks, werewolves, goblins, elves...etc.
the problem is about this is...the humans can't tell which creature from each world inside of the realm is good or bad. It's all about that very human having to find trust, risking their hearts to be hurt...it takes courage to find trust..and i want to show that.
I'm thinking that inside of the realm, there is a series of tests in everything a human will encounter, and that will give them wisdom and strength if they are successful.
The humans will endure hardship of finding themselves, trust in not only their own hearts, but each other, and who they come to meet within the storyline.
There will be battle scenes, betrayal, and moments of both sadness and happiness.
I really want this story to evoke both the struggle both how sin and truth can play a big role in anyone's lives...and how we can work to live with it.
That's really my goal.
I am hoping that the story will evoke the reader to feel every single sense of emotion presented and provoke thoughts of wanting to make a difference for the good of not only their hearts, but for everyone else's.
I have much work to do on this project..like said it is very rough, but I am looking forward to it. :)
One day, I do hope to share it.
Don't be afraid to let your creativity flow any way possible. It may either be drawing, writing, or in a digital fashion..but I firmly believe we were all created to have some sense of creativity...use that talent that God gave you. He wants us to use the talents we were gifted with. :D
Blessings to all of you.
-Mak
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Career thoughts
Well I have had some thoughts run through my mind over this break and I've come to realize somethings about what I've encountered about myself from the past and present.
I'll start from the beginning. During my senior year I had applied to 10 schools or possibly more than that, I can't really remember, but I just know that I was very paranoid about getting accepted into college. College was a vital aspect in my life because I would be the first to attend college in my family. My initial thought was, "I have to get into college. I don't care where out of these few, I just want in." After awhile during my senior year I began to really pray hard about it because I was not hearing back from any of these schools. I had taken my SATs a few times and I do suffer from test anxiety, it stops me from succeeding on tests immensely, it's quite a shame. Outside of the tests I know all the information pretty well, but on the tests, I have no clue...
anyways...back to my point...
I wasn't really paying attention to the fact I was pursuing wishful thinking. After awhile I prayed that God would lead me towards a pathway of His will, not my own, and He would guide me to see what He wants for me in my career, and where I would stand in His will, nothing of my own.
Well, despite what I wanted...I did cry each time I had gotten denied from a college. One after one, they came. I felt very discouraged. I thought, "this is it, I won't get in anywhere just because of a stupid test score..that's all they rely on." Then one day, I had gotten a call after school from Andrew my admissions counselor at Concordia Ann Arbor and he told me I was accepted, congratulating me on my acceptance. Overjoyed, I asked, "Are you serious?!"
I seriously could not believe I was accepted, finally. Given, Concordia was in my top 3 choices. I was very pleased.
This...had shown me..everywhere I applied, God denied, and opened this door because He WANTED me to Major in Family Life-Church Work-Youth Ministry and study Art as well, at Concordia University Ann Arbor, a LCMS affiliated university. If God wanted me to go anywhere else, or study anything else, He definitely would open that door.
Being that He didn't, after all my trust and prayer going to God...for all of that winter of 09-10, Spring of 2010, early summer of 2010, He reassured me of His will..and continues to do so!
I now am a student at Concordia University Ann Arbor, and to be honest, I have experienced my moments where I was all, "eh, do I really want to be here? am I only here because it is the only place I was accepted?"
I then contemplated that the only reason why these thoughts would ever occur is Satan. Satan is trying so very hard for me to become discouraged from going out and performing works for the God that loves me!
God chose Concordia for me, and I feel very called to do youth ministry.
Given, I've prayed about youth ministry since I was 16, therefore, if I were to give it up now, I would be an idiot...because all it is, is Satan trying to get into my thoughts and in the way of my relationship of God, the people who are at CUAA to help me succeed to perform ministry and preach the Gospel, and advance in my college career, destroy my relationships with everyone I've met and grown close with, everything.
I am choosing to talk about this because...I've fallen into temptation and wishful thinking once again so easily. I will not regret this because I've learned from it, simply, and I've learned how to stand firm against for next time around...continuously, that is, too.
Back in December of 2010, earlier in that month, I had applied to transfer to SCAD for the Spring of 2012 quarter. I was just..in a state of feeling really upset about classes and I just felt that Photography was really something I wanted to pursue.
What I have learned is...I would be running away from EVERYTHING that God has set up for me at Concordia. No lie. IT WAS WISHFUL THINKING.
I kept looking for excuses to leave Concordia. I have no excuses to leave Concordia at all. The only thing I could say about it, is...not much to do on weekends, but that's okay, I don't mind walking around, getting outside..I could do that more! :D I could share those moments with Sam and friends. :)
SCAD was...my first choice. Once I had heard that Smithy was attending there..she kept saying how she wanted me to transfer, and was all, "You could be my roomie!" I was thinking of how awesome that would be because we had talked about it long before I knew I was going to attend to CUAA. Smithy is one of my great friends, I would love to be there for her, but...
I'd rather be here. God sent me here, not SCAD. I thank God for what He has done for me.
It may have taken me this long to realize that God has given me so much more than what He could have given me at SCAD, but..no matter, I wish Smithy the best at SCAD because that's His will for her. She has great things going for her now..She's talented in illustration and sequential art. I wish her nothing but the best. :)
My point is..if I would have gone to SCAD as a transfer..I think that I would have been sinning greatly because I would have been chasing after wishful dreams that were nothing but selfish acts against God. The dream of SCAD would have been nothing, but wishful thinking of my own. I don't want that. I don't need that in my life.
All I need is God to guide me in my pathways and to grant my friends, boyfriend, family, church, and His people, guidance, love, and eyes that are His.
There is so much more when it comes to God, and life in Him. At Concordia there is sense of community I believe I would have gotten nowhere else, but at Concordia. I love Concordia, it is wonderful. I have wonderful friends, professors, classmates, campus, and a sense of knowing I will be safe. At Concordia, I love how I can attend chapel everyday, offerings, compline, and then there is church on Sunday's right up the road at St. Paul's that is close enough for us students to attend to. It's nice. There are devos, as well. It does have it's own sense of comfort when it comes to spirituality, it just takes one to get involved in it.
I like how I know a lot of people..and it is small. I enjoy a familiar face. Everyone is friendly. :) It's very lovely.
Now that I think of it...I don't think I'd rather be anywhere else, but Concordia studying what I am studying because...it's glorifying God, exactly what I want it to do.
If it weren't for God..I wouldn't of met all of my friends and boyfriend that are spectacular people...my professors that help me beyond belief..they're great. They're all such a blessing.
God has really blessed me with Concordia University Ann Arbor and everything it has to offer there, and the people on the campus. I am thankful for the people I've met. They're awesome.
I hope God blesses them all throughout this new year and guides their pathways just as He has been for me.
As I've said, I don't regret the fact of what I did about SCAD, but for one thing is for sure I am NOT transferring to SCAD. I'm staying at CUAA.
I do plan on attempting to graduate in 3 years from the Family Life/Art programs.
What I feel God also maybe leading me towards is...to do more study on psychology, ministry, and art. The thoughts of becoming an art therapist as a form of ministry as crossed my mind, while still studying youth ministry and art at CUAA. I am not sure exactly if I would do this...but it's something that has crossed my mind over this break. I will not pursue anything until plenty of prayer has passed and I probably have accomplished this Spring semester.
I just thank God..for letting me learn this lesson and having me realize..where I went wrong and seeing what I need to do to get back on track with Him. It's easy to fall from Him and see temptation from the past come back to haunt you and say, "ooohh this looks attractive" because SCAD is very...attractive in my mind as a college..but it isn't for me. Concordia is for me.
Therefore, thanks and praises be to God for helping guide me, setting my eyes straight back on to Him and His will, rather than my own! I needed it! :D
I pray that all of you keep your eyes on His will, rather than your own and that He guides you all according to His awesome and wonderful will. I pray that He also blesses you this new year. :)
-Sincerely,
Mak
I'll start from the beginning. During my senior year I had applied to 10 schools or possibly more than that, I can't really remember, but I just know that I was very paranoid about getting accepted into college. College was a vital aspect in my life because I would be the first to attend college in my family. My initial thought was, "I have to get into college. I don't care where out of these few, I just want in." After awhile during my senior year I began to really pray hard about it because I was not hearing back from any of these schools. I had taken my SATs a few times and I do suffer from test anxiety, it stops me from succeeding on tests immensely, it's quite a shame. Outside of the tests I know all the information pretty well, but on the tests, I have no clue...
anyways...back to my point...
I wasn't really paying attention to the fact I was pursuing wishful thinking. After awhile I prayed that God would lead me towards a pathway of His will, not my own, and He would guide me to see what He wants for me in my career, and where I would stand in His will, nothing of my own.
Well, despite what I wanted...I did cry each time I had gotten denied from a college. One after one, they came. I felt very discouraged. I thought, "this is it, I won't get in anywhere just because of a stupid test score..that's all they rely on." Then one day, I had gotten a call after school from Andrew my admissions counselor at Concordia Ann Arbor and he told me I was accepted, congratulating me on my acceptance. Overjoyed, I asked, "Are you serious?!"
I seriously could not believe I was accepted, finally. Given, Concordia was in my top 3 choices. I was very pleased.
This...had shown me..everywhere I applied, God denied, and opened this door because He WANTED me to Major in Family Life-Church Work-Youth Ministry and study Art as well, at Concordia University Ann Arbor, a LCMS affiliated university. If God wanted me to go anywhere else, or study anything else, He definitely would open that door.
Being that He didn't, after all my trust and prayer going to God...for all of that winter of 09-10, Spring of 2010, early summer of 2010, He reassured me of His will..and continues to do so!
I now am a student at Concordia University Ann Arbor, and to be honest, I have experienced my moments where I was all, "eh, do I really want to be here? am I only here because it is the only place I was accepted?"
I then contemplated that the only reason why these thoughts would ever occur is Satan. Satan is trying so very hard for me to become discouraged from going out and performing works for the God that loves me!
God chose Concordia for me, and I feel very called to do youth ministry.
Given, I've prayed about youth ministry since I was 16, therefore, if I were to give it up now, I would be an idiot...because all it is, is Satan trying to get into my thoughts and in the way of my relationship of God, the people who are at CUAA to help me succeed to perform ministry and preach the Gospel, and advance in my college career, destroy my relationships with everyone I've met and grown close with, everything.
I am choosing to talk about this because...I've fallen into temptation and wishful thinking once again so easily. I will not regret this because I've learned from it, simply, and I've learned how to stand firm against for next time around...continuously, that is, too.
Back in December of 2010, earlier in that month, I had applied to transfer to SCAD for the Spring of 2012 quarter. I was just..in a state of feeling really upset about classes and I just felt that Photography was really something I wanted to pursue.
What I have learned is...I would be running away from EVERYTHING that God has set up for me at Concordia. No lie. IT WAS WISHFUL THINKING.
I kept looking for excuses to leave Concordia. I have no excuses to leave Concordia at all. The only thing I could say about it, is...not much to do on weekends, but that's okay, I don't mind walking around, getting outside..I could do that more! :D I could share those moments with Sam and friends. :)
SCAD was...my first choice. Once I had heard that Smithy was attending there..she kept saying how she wanted me to transfer, and was all, "You could be my roomie!" I was thinking of how awesome that would be because we had talked about it long before I knew I was going to attend to CUAA. Smithy is one of my great friends, I would love to be there for her, but...
I'd rather be here. God sent me here, not SCAD. I thank God for what He has done for me.
It may have taken me this long to realize that God has given me so much more than what He could have given me at SCAD, but..no matter, I wish Smithy the best at SCAD because that's His will for her. She has great things going for her now..She's talented in illustration and sequential art. I wish her nothing but the best. :)
My point is..if I would have gone to SCAD as a transfer..I think that I would have been sinning greatly because I would have been chasing after wishful dreams that were nothing but selfish acts against God. The dream of SCAD would have been nothing, but wishful thinking of my own. I don't want that. I don't need that in my life.
All I need is God to guide me in my pathways and to grant my friends, boyfriend, family, church, and His people, guidance, love, and eyes that are His.
There is so much more when it comes to God, and life in Him. At Concordia there is sense of community I believe I would have gotten nowhere else, but at Concordia. I love Concordia, it is wonderful. I have wonderful friends, professors, classmates, campus, and a sense of knowing I will be safe. At Concordia, I love how I can attend chapel everyday, offerings, compline, and then there is church on Sunday's right up the road at St. Paul's that is close enough for us students to attend to. It's nice. There are devos, as well. It does have it's own sense of comfort when it comes to spirituality, it just takes one to get involved in it.
I like how I know a lot of people..and it is small. I enjoy a familiar face. Everyone is friendly. :) It's very lovely.
Now that I think of it...I don't think I'd rather be anywhere else, but Concordia studying what I am studying because...it's glorifying God, exactly what I want it to do.
If it weren't for God..I wouldn't of met all of my friends and boyfriend that are spectacular people...my professors that help me beyond belief..they're great. They're all such a blessing.
God has really blessed me with Concordia University Ann Arbor and everything it has to offer there, and the people on the campus. I am thankful for the people I've met. They're awesome.
I hope God blesses them all throughout this new year and guides their pathways just as He has been for me.
As I've said, I don't regret the fact of what I did about SCAD, but for one thing is for sure I am NOT transferring to SCAD. I'm staying at CUAA.
I do plan on attempting to graduate in 3 years from the Family Life/Art programs.
What I feel God also maybe leading me towards is...to do more study on psychology, ministry, and art. The thoughts of becoming an art therapist as a form of ministry as crossed my mind, while still studying youth ministry and art at CUAA. I am not sure exactly if I would do this...but it's something that has crossed my mind over this break. I will not pursue anything until plenty of prayer has passed and I probably have accomplished this Spring semester.
I just thank God..for letting me learn this lesson and having me realize..where I went wrong and seeing what I need to do to get back on track with Him. It's easy to fall from Him and see temptation from the past come back to haunt you and say, "ooohh this looks attractive" because SCAD is very...attractive in my mind as a college..but it isn't for me. Concordia is for me.
Therefore, thanks and praises be to God for helping guide me, setting my eyes straight back on to Him and His will, rather than my own! I needed it! :D
I pray that all of you keep your eyes on His will, rather than your own and that He guides you all according to His awesome and wonderful will. I pray that He also blesses you this new year. :)
-Sincerely,
Mak
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