He has called us out of darkness.

As I sit here contemplating about my faith in Jesus Christ, I really do adore Him.
Yet, I struggle with sin daily and it's been awhile since I've really come back around to my faith and disciplining my self.

For awhile here in MI, I've been really struggling to pray to God, praise Him, go to church, and focus on what is really the true prize in life, our Lord and Savior, Jesus.
Yes, I have felt completely guilty and did nothing about it. The longer it stayed, I really just ignored God and the fact He's trying to lead my pathways.
I wonder...why? Why did I do that? I don't understand why I would have ever wanted to leave God, what He has called me to do, and ministry all together.

It is so often that we are called by God to do great things in His kingdom and we end up leaving that calling, pursuing what we like to do or we get impatient with what He has called us for! I have seen this happen before my eyes and it's so sad.
You know why this happens? Satan. Satan will do anything to be sure that we are not serving our God and gloryfying Him and pursuing His will! Satan will put any option out there in front of us, glamorizing it, which calls us to think, "Oh, this is cool. Maybe...God would want me there instead?" If God wanted you in a certain place in your life, He'll take you there...and place you in that location.

I think that's what we often...get confused about with God. We are so blinded by sin that we think it's actually God calling us to that certain aspect in life that calls us to believe, "Yes, God has sent me here." When really...are you leaving God's placement when -you- decide, "I want to pursue, (insert whatever here)and God gave me this talent, so I should go for it."
God KNOWS you better than anyone else and KNOWS your greatest talents...He will place you a section of your life for you to realize your greatest talents that He has given you so that you may lead a life according to Him and pursuing His will, that will protect and provide for you! If you leave that...wouldn't it cause some type of complication?
Frankly, I am not sure what it will cause, but what we can know and trust in is the fact our God provides, protects, loves us...and will never leave our side no matter what we endure in life because He loves us that much.

We are a chosen generation that was called according to HIS will, not ours. Sometimes, I face and have faced sections in this past year where I have felt completely worthless about ministry and God's will. Confusion and frustration has surrounded me, blinding me what the beauty of pain could really be.
Now that everything just keeps tying together, the realization of pain can be pure beauty in God's eyes because...everything always works out with God and the life we live for Him. He redeems us from all of the confusion and frustrations we face, calling us out of that darkness, reassuring His promise for us. He also reassures that He will provide wisdom and things that are so much greater in life rather than the materialistic aspects that blind us.

I have faced this section of my life enduring the fact of Sam not returning to Concordia to continue his LTD, which leaves me here. I have faced a part me feeling, I couldn't make it through college without him by my side because he is an important person in my life that I was always around. The fact he just had to leave and everything changed.
Yet, this change made me realize...I don't need to be just hanging out with Sam. I have all these friends; brothers/sisters in Christ that love me, I love them, and God has provided me these people in my life to learn from and to provide for them, share the faith, fight the good fight, and continue on with where God has placed me.
I felt that, Sam gone, I would be so lonely, and I had my days where I did indeed, feel that way.
What I learned is...the more I got out of my room, pursued school work, working 3 jobs, and tried my best to be there for Sam, others, while balancing everything, God was there the whole time.
I was praying that God would give me wisdom to help Sam and patience. Oh, He definitely has.
He also made me realize that...I can't help everyone and I need to let HIM do the healing. He has taught me more patience than I could imagine and the fact...I can be around all kinds of people and not 'break.'
What I've gone through, has just opened my eyes so much today. Why would God exactly have me endure what I have?
To make me perservere, grow in the faith, accept what I can and can't do, patience, what it means to love, grow in wisdom and knowledge of not only Him, but the 'real' important factors in life around me.
He has taught me, "You are here because of my calling for you, out of darkness, into the beauty of my kingdom, and for you to live in the will I have for you."

Confusion, arose about His will for me so many times this past year. I had sat here, thinking, "God, what do you want out of me? What do you want from me? What is it that, You are calling me to do?! I'm so lost. I need Your guidance!"
My eyes have filled with tears and fear filled me...
God wants me here, taking one step at a time, living for Him, living as if today were the day He was coming back, pursuing every little bit of my life all for the glory of Him and the promise He has told us about.
He doesn't want me to think of all these thoughts of where my life is going to go, how I'm going to provide for myself and my family, how I'm going to survive college, etc.
God provides everything, why should I worry? What is it that I should worry about whenever I have a God who does such as that. Reassuring His love and guidance to me. Him, being the lamp to my pathways...

God has spoken to us, telling us, "I'll be by your side." "I will provide for you." "I'll be the lamp to your pathways." "Do not worry, I will provide everything you will ever need."
I mean, those are just summaries...though, that doesn't defeat the purpose of what I am saying to you from our God.
God...holds us up in the palm of His right hand, when we need Him the most. In the times of all darkness, He leads us back into the light, giving us life!

How awesome is He? I feel a bit bad that I've ever ran from God, but what I can reassure all of you on, in my own relationship/faith with Him, is that...there wasn't a moment He has forsaken me, because He won't do that. He loves me too much, just as much as He loves you!
You follow him, you'll live your life in the light that He shines on you.
There wasn't a moment that He did not lead me back.
God has this funny way of leading me back into the light of Him and I'll sit here thinking, "God, you are so cool. You...are sometimes..shocking, but You're the best."
Such as today,
this morning, after a bit, I had made myself breakfast, thanking Him for the food, and asking for a blessing, "The Chronicles of Narnia" was on.
It had come to the section where Aslan was sacrificed on the stone table, that whole entire section of ridicule, and being killed by the witch.
That made me become teary eyed, and it reminds me of what Jesus has gone through. Given, I'm sure it was an allegory written by C.S. Lewis to reflect Jesus's ridicule, and sacrifice on the cross.
Then, Aslan's resurrection being an allegory of Jesus's resurrection, is so cool!
I felt, happy. I thought of Jesus in that way, and watched the battle of the fight for Narnia.
That scene made me think of the fight we are giving out for God. Fighting the darkness of Satan and sin, rescuing all those out of darkness into the light of Jesus, so that they may have life and salvation in Him.

Those few scenes, I feel God has used to make me realize and remind me of what His calling is for me as a disciple. Especially giving me the reassurance of how He rose from the dead, conquering death and sin, letting me know, I can conquer sin because I am more than that with God by my side.

I prayed for forgiveness, wisdom, and guidance on how I could live a better life for Him, not fearing what could come in my pathway leading me to believe what I do believe of our God. He lead me to His word, giving me serenity in my heart, clearing my mind to focus on Him and how I could really reach out to all of You.

My brothers and sisters, we are more than what we've done, we are so much more in God's eyes. With God our on side, we can fight this battle between light and dark, learning what we need to do to live our lives all out for the glory of Him.

We all endure similar experiences, but through these experiences, we grow immensely in God.
We can grow with each other, guiding, praying, loving, and being that mere reflection of Christ for each other and for Him because He has called us out the darkness to do so.
We are called out of darkness, to have His eyes for humanity..to love and care for.

Together, we can defeat the darkness in this battle with God on our side.
Look at it as if we were the citizens of Narnia, fighting for what we believe and doing this all for Aslan and all the others living in the world of Narnia.

We are human who do have the strength to fight for the creation of God, what God has promised us, and with the Almighty God on our side, we can do this.

Continue on, brothers and sisters, fighting for what we believe and for the God who has saved you from yourself.
We have the eyes and heart of Him, with these, we can rescue the lost.
Don't give up. He has called you for this and the fear you feel is only from Satan, not your God. God provides you with peace and serenity. Let Him fill you with His Spirit filling you with strength and endurance.
You can do this.
I can do this.
WE can conquer this.

Praises to the God who has rescued us and promised us life!

9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9

Up, Down, Turnaround...spinning, running...away?

This weekend is Jr. High Tool Time. Well, I have volunteered to be a Small Group Leader and host some of those fellow younglings.
Must I say, I am not that prepared.
The room is a mess and so is the bathroom. I have dishes to clean, as well. *sigh*
Oh, did I mention, I am not all that sure if I am prepared like I was last time, spiritually?

I guess, with younger age group, I do tend to become a bit more nervous than the older youth only because I feel I can relate and communicate on a more adult level with those youth. Probably, due to the fact they're more near my age...who knows?
Anyways, also, I have come to the conclusion that I do not feel as spiritually prepared for such an event because I have not been attending chapel, church, offerings, compline, anything that church related. It's very solemn that I even attend devotions, due to the fact I am either; 1. Working, 2. With either Sam or friends, 3. Working on homework.
It's pretty disappointing. On Sunday's, I could walk up to St. Paul's, yet, I don't. Due to the fact, I don't really have anyone to attend with and Sam usually sleeps in as it is now...despite, he used to attend quite often.
I just feel so...spiritually unprepared.
I have the willingness in me to do this ministry, but I do not think I should be a small group leader if I am not, 'up to par', so to speak, with my own spiritual life whenever I'll be sitting there lecturing about how these kids need to incorporate Jesus into their lives, and have that strong foundation of reading the Word, confirming what they know about Him and what He has done for us as sinners, etc. You know?
Maybe I am not the only one feeling this way.
I surely do not want to be doing this just to level up my faith in a way to participate in ministry because I am currently weak. Obviously, I would want to ease into my relationship with Christ in a methodological way, such as; praying, going to devos, reading His word on my own time, and attending Chapel/Church...just the basics of getting back into my relationship and communication with Christ, rather than participating in some ministry to just strengthen back up.
Though, this weekend there is worship, prayer, and reading His word...to strengthen the faith of everyone, but I'd rather do it all on my own before participating with others....maybe this is just me afraid or feeling selfish?
I do not know, nor do I wish to risk any false information given to youth...that scares me.
I was a small group leader last semester at Tool Time with both Jr/Sr. high youth and that was spectacular. It was...a very great weekend. Firmly, I believe that the presence of God was working through everyone there, especially the fellow younglings.
This is just probably me doubting my own self...I tend to do that when I become nervous;
but this is like what Jesus wanted us to do whenever He had asked Peter to step out onto the water...it's like Jesus asking me to step out of my comfort zone and work with others who I am not as comfortable with. This is His calling for me as of right now...not my own. I am doing this as a servant hood in the name of Jesus and in the example of Peter and the storm, stepping out into the waters, having faith in Him, because really, it's all I can do...
just as you all can do, too.

I feel today is just a day for praying the fact, it's okay to be afraid at times, but we also need to remember, we need to trust in our God and have faith in Him...especially for all the blessings He does for us..
A blessing from God is how He takes out of our comfort zones and works through us to communicate to all of His people and uses our talents to help others in His holy name...how awesome is that?! Pretty darn awesomesaucetastical.

Therefore, for today, remember how God is taking you out of your comfort zone and using you! Yes, you! How is He using you today so far?

Pray for everyone!

<3 Mak

Pressing On

Out of everything I could have ever observed with the people I am very close with or even just surrounded by...
it is often noticed by me that people do have the difficulty of just pressing on with their lives because they are so easily scarred by the little events or mistakes they have made in their lives daily.
Why is this?
Why does one make it so difficult on themselves to just live? Why are do you make it so hard to just live whenever Jesus sacrificed His life for you to actually live a life full of REAL life.
Given, we are only human and filthy sinners, but God loves us the same no matter what we have done, therefore, this is why we have repentance and must press on to the finish line to the Lord who has called us His own, to the real home; Heaven.

Whenever I think about pressing on, I don't simply think about 'moving' on, but it's simply realizing where I've gone wrong, what can I do in my own heart and mind to repent, fix my own heart before even setting out to help others in the name of our Lord.
Firmly, it is that I believe we are to fix our own hearts and minds to repent to the Lord that has saved us before we would ever feel the call to help one another in areas of difficulty. Speak this as I do because it is so often we as a people are out there in the 'mission field' serving out to others trying to fix their wrongs when we have the exact or similar wrong in our own hearts. Why is that? We do that to make our own lives feel immensely better and it's a confidence/ego boost.
Now, I am not saying I have never done that, certainly I have. I'd much rather not do so any longer, but rather, examine and articulate the factors of what it is God wishes for me to do in this life to glorify Him in the deepest ways known to man so that we are all seeing our God in the biggest ways and observing our God in ways that we wouldn't even begin to fathom over.
What is it that really has initiated to write about this? Obviously, not just the Spirit working through me, but I have a friend.
My friend, he graduated from here and well, I often hear stories about how he doesn't want to minister to do children, but only youth, and he has complained about the poor. Also, complained about certain aspects of the government, money management, and just the way work has been for him, overall.
Frankly, I do not know where he is standing nor all of his story, but God does. To hear how he complains, and I've heard him in person tell me about such...in ways I can understand the frustrations of not having a job in church work after graduating a couple years ago when told of a job, but feeling the weights of life financially...this is where my friend has possibly lost faith in knowing;
1. God provides. My dear friend, do not lose hope nor faith in knowing your God provides for you and has He not told you this? Has your God not told you that He would provide you with a roof over the top of your head, your daily bread, and so much more beyond what you'd imagine? My friend! You're blind! He has surely blessed you, and as afraid as I am, but you're so blind to these many blessings from your loving God!
Do not lose faith and love for the God that loves you so much. He surely takes care in you. All you must do is Trust in Him and He will listen for you and you listen for Him.
2. Where is your church? My friend, I have noticed and heard that your attendance at church has been decreasing. Life is difficult, yes, this I know. I may not understand it the way you do, but what I do know is, I care about your salvation. Friend, do not stop attending church. Keep strong in the faith. Your God will feed you wisdom and comfort. Why run when He stays by the side of you? He is ever so still. Be still, and He shall take control. God is in control, let Him take control of the life you live and you will be on great comfort under His protection. Do not lose trust in this, I tell you. I tell you, because I love you, my brother. You are my brother in Christ, I am here to help you and I come to help you in the name of our Almighty Father.

3. I see fear in you. What is it that you fear? I do not know your life story, nor have I known you for a long time, but what I do know is that, I read fear. This fear comes from what you've built upon from sin. Brother! Do not fall! I see you falling! Let God catch you! Take His hand and He will catch you from all great discomfort and hold you up!
I say this out of experience. I share such advice for I have experienced such discomfort and I've been in your place of being 'lost.' No need to be lost, come out of that darkness into the light. The light shines on you decreasing all darkness, for you are a new creation. Remember your baptism, my friend. You're a new creation by God! God loves you, you are His.
Do not fear God. God wishes only a great life for you and my friend, Jesus saved you because God loved you so much that He gave His only son for our sins! That's an infinite love! Everlasting love! Do not lose trust and faith in this. Do not fear the guidance of God. God will guide your pathways and will hold you up with His righteous hand.
Trust in all of this and you will see Him in new ways. It's amazing.



Life is hard, life is easy, life comes at you both ways, but no matter what we were given life through the son of our God. We were given life through Jesus Christ, our Lord because He died for not only my sins, but your sins, too.
How amazing is such love?
Sometimes, it's an amazing love that I can't begin to describe just how blessed and happy I am to know I have a God that loves all of us so much and has shared the ability to love His people through me. I begin to thank God for that.

All of you who read this, my friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, do not let life bring you down no matter how difficult it gets. Press on. I observe how difficult life is in different ways for my friends in numerous ways, it makes me lament for them, yet, I have faith knowing our God will provide and keep you all strong. Do not lose faith in God and what He has promised you. He is there for you. Keep strong.
Press on to the finish line to our God. He is the true prize that you truly yearn for.

ACTS 20:24
24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

Fight the good fight friends by pressing on so that you may be able to say as Timothy said in the eyes of God,

2 Timothy 4:7
7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.


I'm praying for all of you to keep the faith, to fight well by pressing on through the hardships of both dark and light of our journeys in faith, and finishing this race.

<3 Mak

thoughts thoughts and more thoughts

I have thoughts...

I just do not know how to organize them in files. My brain does not contain file holders for each set of thought and the particular category that thought would fall under.

How do I organize my time?

How will I organize my work?
Is my work even effective in the life of others?

Is anything I do effective in the lives surrounding me? How am I to be effective and what makes me effective?

Not all what I learn, but how I use what I learn, and my experiences tied together, and how I deliver that. What makes me effective as a person, is my God. My God makes me effective to society to make a difference, it isn't me alone. I can do nothing alone. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

What makes my faith actually exist? I have faith, yes. Is there a way I can make my faith an extension to a faith shaper in other's lives? How am I a faith shaper in another person's life? How have I changed that life or my own in faith and in our relationships with Jesus Christ?

Will I have the courage to step out and do the right thing no matter what I may face out in the 'mission field'? I am constantly in a battle and the battle only seems to get a bit worse each time. What is making me stronger, not faith alone, but God?


Why is it I am one of the few who feel I can relate to someone so easily and find that person so genuine and another can not?

How is it God uses me for ministry at times and I don't even know how I have actually influenced that person, but yet, when I find out I've impacted their lives so infinitely, I still don't understand what I exactly have done...how is that??
I don't get it.



Sometimes, God uses people who have the guts to really stand up for what they truly believe what is right and who aren't afraid to step out in faith for Him, to make a difference in other's lives...I just sometimes never realize, I have the guts, but don't always apply it.
Yet, when I've stepped out in faith, helped out other people, acted out on what I think Jesus would have done, and what I know is right Biblically and everything, and I try to be an example of Christ, I shine...maybe God is really telling me...ministry is for me...and I'm too blind to always see that.

Maybe God really wants to work through me in infinite ways and I'm always running from it because I fear. Fear is insecurity, if I'm insecure, where is my faith? Where is my faith in God, then?
"Who should I fear, when I have God?" Do not be insecure, you have God. God is an Almighty, powerful, merciful God who loves. Therefore, do not worry. Just trust and have faith.
Lose the insecurity, and be secure. "my heart secure"-is with Jesus.

-<3 Mak

It is stirring upon me everyday now...the more that I know...the more I don't even want to know..the more I wish I hadn't known...

My grandma has cancer. I'm afraid. I have come home to hear so much devastating news going on...what do I do? How is this playing a role in my life? What can I do to make it better for them? How is God going to use me in their lives to make an impact?

I don't know, but I want to know, now...so I can take action..

Lord use me...please. They need You and everything of You. I am near them...but You are so much nearer..but if it is in Your great will, please use me in their lives in some way that is a glorification to You.

Your love has no bounds...
why can't mine be such as that? why can't Your people have such a mere reflection as such love?

Lord...use my love to be alike as Yours...to pour down like rain unto those who need the steadfast love in their hearts and lives...

this...isn't a title anymore

i'm not sure how to really explain how i feel at this moment after all i've been hearing and finding out since i've been home.

i feel i'm on that roller coaster of emotions.

i just want to keep running...and...not ever turn back because maybe something will decrease in thought that the worry will decease itself.

well...i know i intend this blog to be mainly all about my faith and for it to be example for others to observe upon to see how they can work on their own faith and to be a ministry to other's lives and their relationships with God..

right now, i really just need to write here what's on my heart as a worry.
Today, my mom had to take my grandma murrary to the hospital. they are putting her on blood pressure pills now. she just was out of the hospital a week ago because of breathing issues...(she's always having issues with that) and now...it's not only her blood pressure, but my grandma may have cancer.
i'm afraid for her.

I have faith that our God is so great and almighty that He will heal her. He will bring peace and rest to her body. He will call her home to Heaven one day so that she will no longer have to suffer on this Earth. Maybe that's what is His will, I don't know...I can't question nor predict it. I can only have faith in knowing what the Bible says to me and how God loves us.

God loves...and I know He loves Grandma. He will bring peace to us knowing she will be okay in His healing hands. We shall praise Him for all that He does in our lives...the blessing she is in our hearts...we shall continue the thanks and praises to Him.

I have my fear because I am insecure there...I am fearing not only because of insecurity in that aspect, it's because...I'd rather suffer than her. I cannot stand knowing..she may have to suffer in such a way. I love her.

God's will is His will. I pray that His will be done according to His great wonders.

Praises to Him forevermore.

Just pray for healing, peace, guidance, and rest in my family, please and thank you. I don't know who all actually will read this or anything, but if you do pray for my family, I am very thankful and appreciative. God bless you and may the Lord keep His blessings on you and your heart, and may He be a lamp to your feet as He is to mine.

Keep praying in times of hardship. We persevere in this time. He uplifts us. It is well in our souls.

May the Lord keep you in the journey of faith in both light and dark.

<3 Mak

Have I lost it?

Today, I was looking back through numerous amounts of my art work from over the years.

I realized that, I may be more technical and a critical thinker of certain things in my art now only if I am not filled with stress or worry of other school studies.

Back then, I wasn't so worrisome. My art work, impresses me compared to now. This art work now is quite amatuer. I feel really depressed over it.
Don't get me wrong, I've learned techniques I had never known. Also, I had learned technical terms and how to use those terms effectively in a sentence when in critiques or speaking with other artists, or the professors.

Yet, comparing my work, I'm disappointed in myself. I should work my hands to the bone, and I'm not. What is this, shit? This shit I've composed is not my work, my work is so much better.

I'm an artist. An critical thinker. A mathematician. A scientist. A magician. A philosopher. A writer. A poet. A messenger.
Where am I?

Have I lost my creative touch? Simply, have I lost all that I had once loved and was passionate about?
Where are my passions?
Where are my great works?

I once was a critical artist...where have I ever ran off to? I miss you, afar. Come back and we'll be great friends. I'm sorry I have lost communication of you, let's meet again and I'll try harder this time.


Goal. Be the critical artist I am. I can do this.