This weekend is Jr. High Tool Time. Well, I have volunteered to be a Small Group Leader and host some of those fellow younglings.
Must I say, I am not that prepared.
The room is a mess and so is the bathroom. I have dishes to clean, as well. *sigh*
Oh, did I mention, I am not all that sure if I am prepared like I was last time, spiritually?
I guess, with younger age group, I do tend to become a bit more nervous than the older youth only because I feel I can relate and communicate on a more adult level with those youth. Probably, due to the fact they're more near my age...who knows?
Anyways, also, I have come to the conclusion that I do not feel as spiritually prepared for such an event because I have not been attending chapel, church, offerings, compline, anything that church related. It's very solemn that I even attend devotions, due to the fact I am either; 1. Working, 2. With either Sam or friends, 3. Working on homework.
It's pretty disappointing. On Sunday's, I could walk up to St. Paul's, yet, I don't. Due to the fact, I don't really have anyone to attend with and Sam usually sleeps in as it is now...despite, he used to attend quite often.
I just feel so...spiritually unprepared.
I have the willingness in me to do this ministry, but I do not think I should be a small group leader if I am not, 'up to par', so to speak, with my own spiritual life whenever I'll be sitting there lecturing about how these kids need to incorporate Jesus into their lives, and have that strong foundation of reading the Word, confirming what they know about Him and what He has done for us as sinners, etc. You know?
Maybe I am not the only one feeling this way.
I surely do not want to be doing this just to level up my faith in a way to participate in ministry because I am currently weak. Obviously, I would want to ease into my relationship with Christ in a methodological way, such as; praying, going to devos, reading His word on my own time, and attending Chapel/Church...just the basics of getting back into my relationship and communication with Christ, rather than participating in some ministry to just strengthen back up.
Though, this weekend there is worship, prayer, and reading His word...to strengthen the faith of everyone, but I'd rather do it all on my own before participating with others....maybe this is just me afraid or feeling selfish?
I do not know, nor do I wish to risk any false information given to youth...that scares me.
I was a small group leader last semester at Tool Time with both Jr/Sr. high youth and that was spectacular. It was...a very great weekend. Firmly, I believe that the presence of God was working through everyone there, especially the fellow younglings.
This is just probably me doubting my own self...I tend to do that when I become nervous;
but this is like what Jesus wanted us to do whenever He had asked Peter to step out onto the water...it's like Jesus asking me to step out of my comfort zone and work with others who I am not as comfortable with. This is His calling for me as of right now...not my own. I am doing this as a servant hood in the name of Jesus and in the example of Peter and the storm, stepping out into the waters, having faith in Him, because really, it's all I can do...
just as you all can do, too.
I feel today is just a day for praying the fact, it's okay to be afraid at times, but we also need to remember, we need to trust in our God and have faith in Him...especially for all the blessings He does for us..
A blessing from God is how He takes out of our comfort zones and works through us to communicate to all of His people and uses our talents to help others in His holy name...how awesome is that?! Pretty darn awesomesaucetastical.
Therefore, for today, remember how God is taking you out of your comfort zone and using you! Yes, you! How is He using you today so far?
Pray for everyone!
<3 Mak
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