To War
Look in the mirror
Question every little thought
What are these thoughts made of?
What is it that haunts me?
The heart reveals the reality.
The mind in fear.
Overreaction.
Aggravated.
The mirror shows I'm at war.
Every turn,
every look,
explosion!
Tremble as before,
break away,
hide!
Why run?
What's so different?
The battle rages on;
Imagining what isn't there
It feels too real
Fight!
Explosion!
Shake the head and turn around.
Walking away.
Images, occur...
over and over.
Rapid is the heart beat
Rapid is the mind...
this isn't real.
Fight!
Explosion!
Scattered...
LOOK UP!
The battle rages on!
Shaking,
trembling,
can't get back up,
The feel of being crippled...
itches at my legs...
LOOK UP!
battle rages on.
Play back.
Shakes head.
Slams fists.
Battle.
LOOK UP!
Slams fists,
rises head,
release.
I face myself in battle.
This mirror reflection:
does not define me.
My heart and actions do.
War...
with myself...
finally won.
Crash of the mirror
and begin again....
til next time.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Going against the grain
Things I've learned about going against the grain...
Follow your heart,
despite all of the trials and hardship.
Follow your heart,
despite the anguish and lack of confidence...
Follow your heart,
despite the wounds.
Follow your heart,
because you love.
Follow your heart,
because the road to travel,
can be worth it,
or a dead end,
all in all, follow your heart.
Follow your heart,
because you've learned a better sense of character.
Beat against the grain that sticks rough between your toes...
because to follow your heart and what is right,
hurts,
but
releases all good sides to come...
in time.
I've learned that going against the grain, feeling the anguish of everything...of all the emotions of the good...
you must follow your heart.
I guess I have come to learn those feelings so much more over the past few years because of college helps you immensely grow up in a sense, opposed to other experiences faced in previous time.
I have my moments where I've realized deep down in order to be happy you need to fight for what you want. Fight for what is right. To fight for something you deserve so much.
To fight to protect your own heart, at the up most.
I've learned to go against the grain, also means, to finally break down and show weaknesses. To be vulnerable. To know, that I can't be strong all of the time.
Confession: I have grown up to where I've faced much hardship and found strength from such experiences.
Although, these experiences of hardship have caused me to feel like I need to be strong for everyone else; these people being family, friends, co-workers, anyone to cross my path, or even people that I do not know, and they do not know me.
This strength...has caused me to finally realize, I can't be strong all of the time. There is a time where in my heart, I need to be willing to open up and share what is on my mind, the way I think, feel, everything.
Of course, I've shared my experiences of how I've helped people in many ways or certain hardships (certain---)
and...people will tell me, "You are so strong! You have such a huge heart!"
I don't want that. I want people to actually sincerely want to know me for my heart, know me by my heart, rather than strength.
I feel all of my life this emotional strength has been a self defense mechanism that has helped me to not be so open with my life overall, to not let people in on all of my 'issues', because I've always rather be the one who would be the 'listener' 'advice giver', 'shoulder to cry on', etc etc etc.
To open up my heart about EVERYTHING to someone has taken so much from me because I fear loss of something good. I fear losing a heart that has shared my heart...
due to the very fact I've lost that and never once did I show anyone how much it devastated me...
because I've always been the one not to cry around crowds, friends, family, anyone...I've learned to just cope in my own way and take it up with God.
Don't get me wrong, I've questioned God about situations...
I don't think I have necessarily been angry with Him...if I was, I wouldn't remember why.
It was more so that I was angry at myself and felt like an ignoramus.
Anyways,
moral of story...
don't be afraid to vulnerable,
to let someone share your heart,
whether it'd be a family member, good friend, significant other,
don't be afraid to share it with GOD. God understands better than any human being.
We are told to trust in God rather than man.
Sometimes, I forget that..even deep down I know it.
Don't be afraid to not be so strong for once. We are called to pick each back up, to share the hardships, anguish, and to fight together.
Once you've decided to do so, it shows a better side of strength. A strength that people don't have, only dream of having. Fear brings you down, but I say,
do not fear. God is with you through it all. God has people by your side for a reason.
To help you. Not to harm you. Sometimes, it may hurt...but in the end, has that pain ever really stayed? No.
It's okay to go against the grain..
need not to fear
need not to fear the world
need not to fear love
share and follow your heart.
need not to be alone and so strong
we are in need to share our weaknesses because we were never meant to go about life alone.
lift one another in prayer, sharing each other weaknesses. brothers and sisters, love. love one another.
and with that, you will be fulfilled.
<3 mak
Follow your heart,
despite all of the trials and hardship.
Follow your heart,
despite the anguish and lack of confidence...
Follow your heart,
despite the wounds.
Follow your heart,
because you love.
Follow your heart,
because the road to travel,
can be worth it,
or a dead end,
all in all, follow your heart.
Follow your heart,
because you've learned a better sense of character.
Beat against the grain that sticks rough between your toes...
because to follow your heart and what is right,
hurts,
but
releases all good sides to come...
in time.
I've learned that going against the grain, feeling the anguish of everything...of all the emotions of the good...
you must follow your heart.
I guess I have come to learn those feelings so much more over the past few years because of college helps you immensely grow up in a sense, opposed to other experiences faced in previous time.
I have my moments where I've realized deep down in order to be happy you need to fight for what you want. Fight for what is right. To fight for something you deserve so much.
To fight to protect your own heart, at the up most.
I've learned to go against the grain, also means, to finally break down and show weaknesses. To be vulnerable. To know, that I can't be strong all of the time.
Confession: I have grown up to where I've faced much hardship and found strength from such experiences.
Although, these experiences of hardship have caused me to feel like I need to be strong for everyone else; these people being family, friends, co-workers, anyone to cross my path, or even people that I do not know, and they do not know me.
This strength...has caused me to finally realize, I can't be strong all of the time. There is a time where in my heart, I need to be willing to open up and share what is on my mind, the way I think, feel, everything.
Of course, I've shared my experiences of how I've helped people in many ways or certain hardships (certain---)
and...people will tell me, "You are so strong! You have such a huge heart!"
I don't want that. I want people to actually sincerely want to know me for my heart, know me by my heart, rather than strength.
I feel all of my life this emotional strength has been a self defense mechanism that has helped me to not be so open with my life overall, to not let people in on all of my 'issues', because I've always rather be the one who would be the 'listener' 'advice giver', 'shoulder to cry on', etc etc etc.
To open up my heart about EVERYTHING to someone has taken so much from me because I fear loss of something good. I fear losing a heart that has shared my heart...
due to the very fact I've lost that and never once did I show anyone how much it devastated me...
because I've always been the one not to cry around crowds, friends, family, anyone...I've learned to just cope in my own way and take it up with God.
Don't get me wrong, I've questioned God about situations...
I don't think I have necessarily been angry with Him...if I was, I wouldn't remember why.
It was more so that I was angry at myself and felt like an ignoramus.
Anyways,
moral of story...
don't be afraid to vulnerable,
to let someone share your heart,
whether it'd be a family member, good friend, significant other,
don't be afraid to share it with GOD. God understands better than any human being.
We are told to trust in God rather than man.
Sometimes, I forget that..even deep down I know it.
Don't be afraid to not be so strong for once. We are called to pick each back up, to share the hardships, anguish, and to fight together.
Once you've decided to do so, it shows a better side of strength. A strength that people don't have, only dream of having. Fear brings you down, but I say,
do not fear. God is with you through it all. God has people by your side for a reason.
To help you. Not to harm you. Sometimes, it may hurt...but in the end, has that pain ever really stayed? No.
It's okay to go against the grain..
need not to fear
need not to fear the world
need not to fear love
share and follow your heart.
need not to be alone and so strong
we are in need to share our weaknesses because we were never meant to go about life alone.
lift one another in prayer, sharing each other weaknesses. brothers and sisters, love. love one another.
and with that, you will be fulfilled.
<3 mak
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Have you ever?
To whom it may concern:
Have you ever wondered about your past actions?
Have you ever stopped to take the time to think?
Have you ever wondered about how I even felt?
Have you ever stopped to apologize?
Have you ever wondered what it would do to yourself?
Have you ever stopped to wonder why it does to me?
Have you ever wondered what it does to our relationship?
Have you ever stopped to wonder why?
Have I, myself done you so wrong?
Have I ever hurt you to the very extent that I hurt?
Have you thought about the future?
Have you thought about how others are affected?
Have you ever cared for the way that I care about you?
Have you ever cared to be thankful?
Have you ever cared to be content?
Have you ever wanted something healthy with us?
Have you ever just thought to be more than what you are now?
Have you ever even cared to treat me with respect?
Have you ever dared to remember that blood is thicker than water?
Oh, my brother...
We are at sea...lost....sailing different routes....
with minds split apart like two worlds...
The storms never cease nor do they still in calm within our worlds...
How is it that the wave of anger rises to where it never crashes?
Have you ever thought the thoughts that I do?
I have said things, too.
Won't deny it.
Respect, I still have, but slowly it sinks to the bottom of the ocean floor...
never a bubble rise.
Gasp for air
Gasp for one last thought of...
knowing there is a chance for us to survive the storms.
Have you ever thought that we'd survive a storm on two different seas within our own sails?
I have faith.
I steer to adjust my ways just for you to know...
I'd go the distance to show how much you mean to me.
One sided...I can't help, but feel...
Oh, brother,
When did you become lost at sea?
When did you decide it was okay to be a sailor with such language and disrespect?
Have you ever wanted to
grab another boat and set sail the correct path?
I, the young one sailor in the world...
wish that you'd come back to shore and never sail afar again...
it's a rough world,
that I know,
yet know..
you mean more to me than these strings pulling us apart.
you mean more to me than an entire crew of mates
because you're the ultimate friend who needs a friend like me.
We don't know each other.
Never a call.
I call out far,
no answer.
Do I hesitate?
Yes.
Though, God gives me hope...
that you'll return to your ways and trust in what could be like gold.
richer in blood than these earned gold pieces...
we'll reach that climax one day that is seen on the map...
sailing together with support and rich in a relationship than anything else...
I want you to be.
You're my brother.
I love you.
Don't stray away.
I try and try...
where else do I go from this point?
Lost, I am.
Found, you shall be.
Love is the key.
Know that you've got mine
Despite all hardships we face,
the arguments,
disagreements
and the fact we are two different people...
I love you still because blood is thicker than water..
Often, I wonder, "have you ever" simply for the fact...
I love you my brother and want what is best for you.
Shocking, but I want a brother/sister relationship. A healthy one.
Not anything different.
Have you ever thought about how close we could be?
Have you ever thought that your love runs deeper with family?
I know I have.
Have you ever?
Have you ever wondered about your past actions?
Have you ever stopped to take the time to think?
Have you ever wondered about how I even felt?
Have you ever stopped to apologize?
Have you ever wondered what it would do to yourself?
Have you ever stopped to wonder why it does to me?
Have you ever wondered what it does to our relationship?
Have you ever stopped to wonder why?
Have I, myself done you so wrong?
Have I ever hurt you to the very extent that I hurt?
Have you thought about the future?
Have you thought about how others are affected?
Have you ever cared for the way that I care about you?
Have you ever cared to be thankful?
Have you ever cared to be content?
Have you ever wanted something healthy with us?
Have you ever just thought to be more than what you are now?
Have you ever even cared to treat me with respect?
Have you ever dared to remember that blood is thicker than water?
Oh, my brother...
We are at sea...lost....sailing different routes....
with minds split apart like two worlds...
The storms never cease nor do they still in calm within our worlds...
How is it that the wave of anger rises to where it never crashes?
Have you ever thought the thoughts that I do?
I have said things, too.
Won't deny it.
Respect, I still have, but slowly it sinks to the bottom of the ocean floor...
never a bubble rise.
Gasp for air
Gasp for one last thought of...
knowing there is a chance for us to survive the storms.
Have you ever thought that we'd survive a storm on two different seas within our own sails?
I have faith.
I steer to adjust my ways just for you to know...
I'd go the distance to show how much you mean to me.
One sided...I can't help, but feel...
Oh, brother,
When did you become lost at sea?
When did you decide it was okay to be a sailor with such language and disrespect?
Have you ever wanted to
grab another boat and set sail the correct path?
I, the young one sailor in the world...
wish that you'd come back to shore and never sail afar again...
it's a rough world,
that I know,
yet know..
you mean more to me than these strings pulling us apart.
you mean more to me than an entire crew of mates
because you're the ultimate friend who needs a friend like me.
We don't know each other.
Never a call.
I call out far,
no answer.
Do I hesitate?
Yes.
Though, God gives me hope...
that you'll return to your ways and trust in what could be like gold.
richer in blood than these earned gold pieces...
we'll reach that climax one day that is seen on the map...
sailing together with support and rich in a relationship than anything else...
I want you to be.
You're my brother.
I love you.
Don't stray away.
I try and try...
where else do I go from this point?
Lost, I am.
Found, you shall be.
Love is the key.
Know that you've got mine
Despite all hardships we face,
the arguments,
disagreements
and the fact we are two different people...
I love you still because blood is thicker than water..
Often, I wonder, "have you ever" simply for the fact...
I love you my brother and want what is best for you.
Shocking, but I want a brother/sister relationship. A healthy one.
Not anything different.
Have you ever thought about how close we could be?
Have you ever thought that your love runs deeper with family?
I know I have.
Have you ever?
Friday, December 16, 2011
Something or MANY things to pray about. :)
Dear God,
I know I haven't been prayerful lately with a whole lot of things, but you really have been blessing me in bigger ways than I would have thought a few months ago.
These past few months have been so busy, filled with hardship, confusion, stress, and worry.
Lord, you have not ceased to amaze me one bit with the fact of teaching me contentment, relaxation (and the fact it's okay to relax and NOT worry), to learn more about myself and my relationship with not only you, but others.
I am all the more thankful for my relationships that I have with everyone in my life. You've blessed me beyond words could even say, write, and explain on any elaborate way possible.
Thank you for teaching me contentment. I've learned to be content with being single, not being able to know what was going on in my life, the reasons behind all things, why You had chosen for me to go home, why things played out the way they did with certain people, and why I was chosen to be blessed the way that I was.
Thank you for teaching me that money and possessions aren't important compared to you and everyone else in my life. Thank you for continuously help me to understand that I may not have a lot, but having less is the true blessing to a heart who has less and helps one to be content with all the more that they have in their life that truly matters; You alone, family, friends, and the church body.
Thank you for teaching me that I can be strong even though I don't always like to show that I have moments of weakness and it's okay to be weak.
It's okay to cry, show emotion, and need help. Thank you for teaching me not to be afraid to get the help that I needed long ago and for being mature about it.
I am thankful to you that I now have a better understanding of what you want from me in Your kingdom and where I belong.
I've learned that upmost I belong to You and Your plans for me. I belong in Your heart.
That I belong having a career in the arts where I'm strong.
Lord, learning that I can also do ministry in Philadelphia has been the biggest deal to me because I love serving You. I love to serve You and share the Good News about Your Son, Jesus. I THANK YOU so much for choosing me to do so. I wouldn't want it any other way.
To think that You had chosen me long ago and to know that I come before Your cross surrendering all...I would have never known You would do this to me.
Thank you for choosing me and all of Your people...loving us the ways that You do.
God, I want to dedicate all that I am to you so much that it makes me cry out to You asking that You'd help me.
Awakening my soul...in the ways that You do with every thought of You, situation that comes on hand, and prayer...
what You do to me is amazing and I feel so blessed by You.
Thank you for blessing me the ways that You have because I don't know where I would be without You.
Lord, forgive me for not thinking of You so much lately and being caught up in things of this world.
It's such a harsh temptation, but I know that You understand and I am all the more grateful knowing that You understand me.
Lord, you know my heart best and you know that I am dedicated despite I may fall.
I write to You so that You can see how much I really love you and want to share my experiences and faith so that others may be inspired to love you and seek your face.
Seek you with all of their hearts just as I am.
Lord, I pray that we may seek our hearts to You so that we may be inspired by Your glory to spread the Good News and share of Your great love.
"He said, "Go and tell this people: 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.' Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed." Isaiah 6:9-10
Lord, you have called us out of darkness into lives so glorious, God we live for you. ♥
We are to be understanding, patient, and loving with our eyes, ears, and hearts, opening them up with an open mind, but a mind that is focused on Jesus and His ways ultimately, while being loving to all of His creation.
Lord, I feel so inspired to just share the ways that I speak with you because I am blessed by being open with my writing and I am so thankful!
Friends, our God is so cool! Though, the relationship aspect may seem intimidating, trust me, all He wants is to love you FOR YOU and you to love and accept Jesus as Your savior. It's so awesome. :)
Lord, I pray for everyone to seek your face and to know you one day. I pray that you would guide our hearts to be of you and that our thoughts would be of you.
I pray that we would be patient and understanding with people that are of you and who may not be, so that we are loving in all ways possible.
I pray that our love would be spread throughout the world aboundingly and that we would learn to accept the heart rather than what a person may have done for whenever those things do not define the heart, but rather shows a mistake. We as a people are no where near perfect and we all need to understand no one is better than the other...we're equal and should be loved for who we are now and will be in the future rather than the very past.
Lord, I thank you for teaching us to love and giving us the ability to love.
The ability to love is a blessing alone.
God, I thank you for opening and closing doors in the ways that you have.
I thank you for blessing me with all of my family, friends, and boyfriend. They're all amazing to me and they would not be here in my life if it weren't for you.
Therefore,
thank you for blessing me with these people in the ways that You have.
I pray that you would guide my family, friends, and boyfriend to be of You and that you would guide their hearts, minds, and faith to be surrendering to You so that You may be glorified ultimately.
I know that You will do great things with my family, friends, and boyfriend. You will bless them in ways unimaginable.
Despite, not everyone that I know is of the faith, I still pray that You would work through them so that they may grow close to You. Use Your Spirit Lord according to Your will and ways.
Lord, my mind is going a thousand milliseconds fast and I can't help, but want to pray for the world.
Our world is at fault with one another and of worldly ways. I pray for this world, every single country, leader, citizen, and all of the things because we need Your guidance, wisdom, and love present in these times.
Things are hard right now, but I have faith and hope that You will have Your way with all the things in this world and that we may see You working.
Lord, we need You...at every hour. We need You so much.
I feel that our world is coming to an end at some point soon and I feel the need to pray that when You do return that none of Your people (including myself) would not be in fear, but great joy to see Your face.
It does make me nervous, but I am happy to know that I will be in Your kingdom finally!
God, I pray for all the financial issues arising. It's so hard right now, especially with families and those alone. There is children and adults that are homeless and starving world wide and I pray that you would provide for these people and nourish their minds and bodies. Help and protect these people.
I pray for my family's financial situation. I pray that You would provide for us according to Your timing and ways...that my mother would be relax and not worry and know that You will provide.
It's hard for her to have faith, but I pray that you work in her.
Give my family comfort in knowing we'll make it through just as we always have.
You have always provided us little by little and I am thankful because it's always enough for us to realize how blessed we are by the little things rather than the big.
We have never had big things in life and that makes me thankful in knowing that we are able to learn so vastly that we can live without possessions and bigger values because we are so understanding of what matters in life, what is important to have and not have and consider each other a blessing with a home...a home not only that isn't just a roof, but a home where the heart is so vibrant where we are warm and welcoming to all those who enter in our presence.
That, I am thankful for. THANK YOU!
My family is the best and I wouldn't trade any of them ever despite I may get annoyed with some family, but that's okay and normal!
Okay, I am totally just rambling here, Lord, but You know writing this out helps me out with my thoughts. :)
Just thank you for everything and everyone that has happened and blessed me in these past couple months.
You're truly awesome.
God will never fail you. I know there are times where we may feel God isn't there, but trust me, He is.
God has always been there from the very beginning and will always be, even when the world is no more..He will be there!
May God bless you in the ways that He has blessed me, if not even more so!
I pray for all of you and extend my love out to you.
<3
God, thanks for letting me be up this late at night just to write to you.
Please protect us through the night and bring us tomorrow a day for You.
I pray that tomorrow will go well and that you will protect all of your people. Thank you.
-In Jesus's holy precious name,
Amen!
<3 Mak
Ps. I know this is really scattered..but I feel SOOO much better getting this off of my chest and mind!
I know I haven't been prayerful lately with a whole lot of things, but you really have been blessing me in bigger ways than I would have thought a few months ago.
These past few months have been so busy, filled with hardship, confusion, stress, and worry.
Lord, you have not ceased to amaze me one bit with the fact of teaching me contentment, relaxation (and the fact it's okay to relax and NOT worry), to learn more about myself and my relationship with not only you, but others.
I am all the more thankful for my relationships that I have with everyone in my life. You've blessed me beyond words could even say, write, and explain on any elaborate way possible.
Thank you for teaching me contentment. I've learned to be content with being single, not being able to know what was going on in my life, the reasons behind all things, why You had chosen for me to go home, why things played out the way they did with certain people, and why I was chosen to be blessed the way that I was.
Thank you for teaching me that money and possessions aren't important compared to you and everyone else in my life. Thank you for continuously help me to understand that I may not have a lot, but having less is the true blessing to a heart who has less and helps one to be content with all the more that they have in their life that truly matters; You alone, family, friends, and the church body.
Thank you for teaching me that I can be strong even though I don't always like to show that I have moments of weakness and it's okay to be weak.
It's okay to cry, show emotion, and need help. Thank you for teaching me not to be afraid to get the help that I needed long ago and for being mature about it.
I am thankful to you that I now have a better understanding of what you want from me in Your kingdom and where I belong.
I've learned that upmost I belong to You and Your plans for me. I belong in Your heart.
That I belong having a career in the arts where I'm strong.
Lord, learning that I can also do ministry in Philadelphia has been the biggest deal to me because I love serving You. I love to serve You and share the Good News about Your Son, Jesus. I THANK YOU so much for choosing me to do so. I wouldn't want it any other way.
To think that You had chosen me long ago and to know that I come before Your cross surrendering all...I would have never known You would do this to me.
Thank you for choosing me and all of Your people...loving us the ways that You do.
God, I want to dedicate all that I am to you so much that it makes me cry out to You asking that You'd help me.
Awakening my soul...in the ways that You do with every thought of You, situation that comes on hand, and prayer...
what You do to me is amazing and I feel so blessed by You.
Thank you for blessing me the ways that You have because I don't know where I would be without You.
Lord, forgive me for not thinking of You so much lately and being caught up in things of this world.
It's such a harsh temptation, but I know that You understand and I am all the more grateful knowing that You understand me.
Lord, you know my heart best and you know that I am dedicated despite I may fall.
I write to You so that You can see how much I really love you and want to share my experiences and faith so that others may be inspired to love you and seek your face.
Seek you with all of their hearts just as I am.
Lord, I pray that we may seek our hearts to You so that we may be inspired by Your glory to spread the Good News and share of Your great love.
"He said, "Go and tell this people: 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.' Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed." Isaiah 6:9-10
Lord, you have called us out of darkness into lives so glorious, God we live for you. ♥
We are to be understanding, patient, and loving with our eyes, ears, and hearts, opening them up with an open mind, but a mind that is focused on Jesus and His ways ultimately, while being loving to all of His creation.
Lord, I feel so inspired to just share the ways that I speak with you because I am blessed by being open with my writing and I am so thankful!
Friends, our God is so cool! Though, the relationship aspect may seem intimidating, trust me, all He wants is to love you FOR YOU and you to love and accept Jesus as Your savior. It's so awesome. :)
Lord, I pray for everyone to seek your face and to know you one day. I pray that you would guide our hearts to be of you and that our thoughts would be of you.
I pray that we would be patient and understanding with people that are of you and who may not be, so that we are loving in all ways possible.
I pray that our love would be spread throughout the world aboundingly and that we would learn to accept the heart rather than what a person may have done for whenever those things do not define the heart, but rather shows a mistake. We as a people are no where near perfect and we all need to understand no one is better than the other...we're equal and should be loved for who we are now and will be in the future rather than the very past.
Lord, I thank you for teaching us to love and giving us the ability to love.
The ability to love is a blessing alone.
God, I thank you for opening and closing doors in the ways that you have.
I thank you for blessing me with all of my family, friends, and boyfriend. They're all amazing to me and they would not be here in my life if it weren't for you.
Therefore,
thank you for blessing me with these people in the ways that You have.
I pray that you would guide my family, friends, and boyfriend to be of You and that you would guide their hearts, minds, and faith to be surrendering to You so that You may be glorified ultimately.
I know that You will do great things with my family, friends, and boyfriend. You will bless them in ways unimaginable.
Despite, not everyone that I know is of the faith, I still pray that You would work through them so that they may grow close to You. Use Your Spirit Lord according to Your will and ways.
Lord, my mind is going a thousand milliseconds fast and I can't help, but want to pray for the world.
Our world is at fault with one another and of worldly ways. I pray for this world, every single country, leader, citizen, and all of the things because we need Your guidance, wisdom, and love present in these times.
Things are hard right now, but I have faith and hope that You will have Your way with all the things in this world and that we may see You working.
Lord, we need You...at every hour. We need You so much.
I feel that our world is coming to an end at some point soon and I feel the need to pray that when You do return that none of Your people (including myself) would not be in fear, but great joy to see Your face.
It does make me nervous, but I am happy to know that I will be in Your kingdom finally!
God, I pray for all the financial issues arising. It's so hard right now, especially with families and those alone. There is children and adults that are homeless and starving world wide and I pray that you would provide for these people and nourish their minds and bodies. Help and protect these people.
I pray for my family's financial situation. I pray that You would provide for us according to Your timing and ways...that my mother would be relax and not worry and know that You will provide.
It's hard for her to have faith, but I pray that you work in her.
Give my family comfort in knowing we'll make it through just as we always have.
You have always provided us little by little and I am thankful because it's always enough for us to realize how blessed we are by the little things rather than the big.
We have never had big things in life and that makes me thankful in knowing that we are able to learn so vastly that we can live without possessions and bigger values because we are so understanding of what matters in life, what is important to have and not have and consider each other a blessing with a home...a home not only that isn't just a roof, but a home where the heart is so vibrant where we are warm and welcoming to all those who enter in our presence.
That, I am thankful for. THANK YOU!
My family is the best and I wouldn't trade any of them ever despite I may get annoyed with some family, but that's okay and normal!
Okay, I am totally just rambling here, Lord, but You know writing this out helps me out with my thoughts. :)
Just thank you for everything and everyone that has happened and blessed me in these past couple months.
You're truly awesome.
God will never fail you. I know there are times where we may feel God isn't there, but trust me, He is.
God has always been there from the very beginning and will always be, even when the world is no more..He will be there!
May God bless you in the ways that He has blessed me, if not even more so!
I pray for all of you and extend my love out to you.
<3
God, thanks for letting me be up this late at night just to write to you.
Please protect us through the night and bring us tomorrow a day for You.
I pray that tomorrow will go well and that you will protect all of your people. Thank you.
-In Jesus's holy precious name,
Amen!
<3 Mak
Ps. I know this is really scattered..but I feel SOOO much better getting this off of my chest and mind!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Angered Filled Poetics
Angered and Grace Filled Poetics By: Makaya Hicks
References: Books of Ezekiel, Matthew, Psalms, the Bible itself.
Is it worth it?
Is it worth the fact I feel ever so angered
Filled within my own hands
Forevermore gone
Not so...factual anymore
Here it goes, nothing....
Anything can change this..
For I, am the only one
Pathetic right now, but yet
I disgress.
Time and time goes on
filled my eyes
watch the clock
ticking
newsprint read for all those days
Not so....factual anymore...
Here it goes, nothing
Anything can change this..
For I, am the only one
Concerned right now, but yet
I disgress.
Questioned, non answered
holding back
unopened, folded
painted dark, un-neutralized
Not so...factual anymore....
Here it goes, nothing
Anything can change this..
For I, am the only one
Willing right now, but yet
I disgress.
Corrosive, forevermore like the Raven
It's all holding me down in the chains of darkness
Your hand, it reached out
I reached
Your light it guides me, out of this dungeon for I am with held upon
The light
the stronghold for whom shall I be afraid?
When He is here to guide me.
The Raven it devours, but yet I will still say "For whom shallth I be afraid, for the man with four faces and four wings is right beside me with His glory!"
For the Raven had then backed away, and disappeared away with the vile demons.
A lightning storm came, with the man with the four faces and the four wings, the glory of God was bestowed before thyself, for I was not ashamed.
Grace upon....
Reigning over the land, merciful
It is a glorious forever seen Yahweh
It is factual
It is believable
It is faith
It is your mercy that was shown upon, thyself
The child had come before her Lord, asking for forgiveness. She was aware of the blood that was shed of the Lord on the cross.
Jesus called out to her, like a child before herself, standing and spoketh these words, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven."
I left forgiven, humbled, and forevermore remembering, Love the Lord your God, humble thyself.
References: Books of Ezekiel, Matthew, Psalms, the Bible itself.
Is it worth it?
Is it worth the fact I feel ever so angered
Filled within my own hands
Forevermore gone
Not so...factual anymore
Here it goes, nothing....
Anything can change this..
For I, am the only one
Pathetic right now, but yet
I disgress.
Time and time goes on
filled my eyes
watch the clock
ticking
newsprint read for all those days
Not so....factual anymore...
Here it goes, nothing
Anything can change this..
For I, am the only one
Concerned right now, but yet
I disgress.
Questioned, non answered
holding back
unopened, folded
painted dark, un-neutralized
Not so...factual anymore....
Here it goes, nothing
Anything can change this..
For I, am the only one
Willing right now, but yet
I disgress.
Corrosive, forevermore like the Raven
It's all holding me down in the chains of darkness
Your hand, it reached out
I reached
Your light it guides me, out of this dungeon for I am with held upon
The light
the stronghold for whom shall I be afraid?
When He is here to guide me.
The Raven it devours, but yet I will still say "For whom shallth I be afraid, for the man with four faces and four wings is right beside me with His glory!"
For the Raven had then backed away, and disappeared away with the vile demons.
A lightning storm came, with the man with the four faces and the four wings, the glory of God was bestowed before thyself, for I was not ashamed.
Grace upon....
Reigning over the land, merciful
It is a glorious forever seen Yahweh
It is factual
It is believable
It is faith
It is your mercy that was shown upon, thyself
The child had come before her Lord, asking for forgiveness. She was aware of the blood that was shed of the Lord on the cross.
Jesus called out to her, like a child before herself, standing and spoketh these words, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven."
I left forgiven, humbled, and forevermore remembering, Love the Lord your God, humble thyself.
Colly Strings-Poem
Colly strings, oh how I've been pulled by each string imaginable this past awhile. Where are you taking me?
To the darkness where I aly myself a tomb,
bury the bones,
narrow in,
narrow out
look into thy tunnel til I see the light of this revelation.
A revelation, that is what I have sat here under this tree to yearn for.
Is it shining through, or is it ceasing away from the grip of my very hand?
The hand is filled with black grease,
the grease of your oil, the oil that slips through every vein of forbid.
Forbidden to foresee everything that I could become,
yet to have it given back to me.
I have reached the revelation for it has been received in grace,
not forbidden when once thought otherwise, for I was, the one...
walking away from you.
Pacing to see the light,
colly strings could you take me along the lines to success?
Colly strings could you see me through? See me, don't forget me.
I'm not walking away anymore, I'm facing the lines of colly.
To the darkness where I aly myself a tomb,
bury the bones,
narrow in,
narrow out
look into thy tunnel til I see the light of this revelation.
A revelation, that is what I have sat here under this tree to yearn for.
Is it shining through, or is it ceasing away from the grip of my very hand?
The hand is filled with black grease,
the grease of your oil, the oil that slips through every vein of forbid.
Forbidden to foresee everything that I could become,
yet to have it given back to me.
I have reached the revelation for it has been received in grace,
not forbidden when once thought otherwise, for I was, the one...
walking away from you.
Pacing to see the light,
colly strings could you take me along the lines to success?
Colly strings could you see me through? See me, don't forget me.
I'm not walking away anymore, I'm facing the lines of colly.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
It's got me thinking....
Lately,
I've been experiencing a lot of friends talking to me about relationships and it's got me thinking...
what I would want someone.
It's not often that I really thinking about that certain someone that's out there...
but I really want to write about this because deep down, I will confess...
Yes, I think about this subject a lot more than what I express because
I don't want to show that I am weak, but rather strong.
I find it a temptation to want someone here by my side in the journey of faith and life...I don't want to forget that God is the ultimate one who gives me strength in the journey and He walks with me.
I sometimes forget that God wired me a certain way, but when I do remember, I am forevermore thankful because I stand out from all else.
Well, what I guess that I am trying to explain is...whenever I have guys talking to me about other girls...it makes me wonder what I don't have that they're not seeing in me
or what do I have that would do them well?
What is it that some women have that I don't...and they get a guy?
-I am not saying that I am desperate, because certainly, I am not. I just have my thoughts-
What am I talking about...I stand out so much that..a guy would be an idiot to pass me up.
I am a great person.
-I am not saying this to be egotistical, but I am being honest-
I am confident.
I am intelligent, witty, funny, awkward (sometimes...well..all the time)
I am firm in what I believe in.
Honest, blunt, forward, realistic, idealistic, logical, analytical
outgoing...
loving, compassionate, sentimental (don't always show that)...
I don't know why I am even writing about this---
I get frustrated because I hear about my friends who get treated so poorly or NOT good enough OR get treated with what they DESERVE...
and it makes me wonder...what if I was that person...to treat them like they were worth something..
with value, respect, love, trust, honesty, and never holding back to do what is right for them, holding them accountable...
letting them know that they can trust and have faith in me.
I am not the type of person to treat a person poorly (anyone for that matter), it just isn't in my character.
It's just..I get frustrated whenever I'm viewed as the, "best friend", "bro", "friend who games and shares all things inside nerd with..."
I've gotten friends jokingly say, "Makaya-forever alone" I laugh at that...but sometimes I'm like, "okay, seriously...not cool man.." because I know that I am not forever alone.
Maybe single for a long time..which I have no problem with really being single because yes, I am independent...
but there are moments where I think it'd be nice to date or be in a relationship that is worth it.
I don't look to be involved for just no reason, or out of being lonely, bored, etc.
I look to be in a relationship of value and worth between that guy and myself.
To share something significant.
To share the faith in God and in one another.
I take relationships and dating very seriously. I am not saying that I am picky, but I can be. I want to date someone that I feel is very potential for something beneficial and greater for the both of us. I want to find and share faith that betters us both in the heart, not to harm nor tear down.
I've had guys be interested in me, but I didn't feel the same way because it wasn't that I didn't value them, it's due to the fact I felt simply God didn't lead me that direction.
And, honestly, because I didn't feel a special something between me and that guy.
I've had TONS of friendships where yeah, we definitely got a long and all...but..
you always know there is something special with that one person whenever you can literally just express yourself in ways that you've never done before, talk to them about anything and everything...(even if it's..personal, that means so much), share interests, beliefs, and
definitely be able to openly joke with one another..and know that it's because you're such awesome friends to do it.
...
Just now thinking of this..
it's always really weird whenever your own parent considers introducing you to another person to potentially go out with...
I'll never pursue that.
Friendship, yes.
Relationship, NO.
Lesson: Never date someone you haven't known for a long time OR aren't significantly close with BECAUSE it could cause a good friendship to end OR you'll learn things about one another TOO quick..which can end...something that could have been good future wise...
or you just learn you're really opposite and it can't work out...
I have my own standards that I look for in someone, but I take notice to the littlest things about a person and put those into consideration.
I'm very observant and a good listener.
I notice habits fast and I remember the littlest likes/dislikes, generally, facts about a person. I even remember conversations quite well.
Because I take everything into consideration and value the good things in a person.
I notice the flaws, but I don't consider them to be affecting of what I find admirable in a person's heart.
I see past everything because I know that no one is perfect.
I guess, I am yearning to share...something with that person because I won't lie, I want to so badly to just express how much respect, value, admiration, and so much more with that person.
I find meaning in the little things of life to be great...
Valuing what is important.
I am one to value a person for their heart, not what they have done.
One day, I know that God will lead that right person for me to me, and me to him.
I don't fail to believe that.
I just want that one person to know whoever they are,
they're so much more and their heart is what I notice the most.
God loves that person very much.
And I hope to be someone they can depend on, share their heart and faith in God with, share interests, share the hardships with me so that I can help them be strong and help hold them up,
to have faith in me because I won't back down nor leave.
To share respect and love.
To find something more in one another that can be used for the good and beneficial.
To open each other's eyes to the unseen and to know that it's okay and not to fear.
To share what God wanted us to share...
I'm very caring and loving, and I don't always know how to express that...I express myself better with small gestures and words on paper because I feel those have more meaning besides the 3 words said between two people.
I feel that me praying for that someone shows that I do value and love that person.
I strongly feel that me just showing that I actually care about the little and big things in a person..
and holding them accountable...shows that I love and care about them...because I value the well being of a person.
I am not into the materialistic type of relationship.
I am into the Godly type. The type that God wanted us to have with one another.
-am rambling...ergh-
I really wanted this to be organized in a fashion that makes it understandable and...just...I don't even know..good? Good in showing that I am very honest in what I feel and want...I am very real about what is on my heart and mind, all of my feelings...---
I don't doubt that I'll have a Godly, loving, healthy relationship one day...
I just..wonder...when? Ya know?
I don't want to show you that I am weak..because I am not. I am strong in my independence.
Yet, I do say that I am human...and I can't stop these thoughts and feelings arise from time to time..
because every human wants to be loved and cared for...to mutually share everything with that one person and feel something..nice..
It's rare for the general people to have a healthy relationship anymore and that is sad...
It breaks my heart in that sense...but I feel, the broken hearted can always be mended to be greater, stronger, and be of a love that is so deep and intricate..it'll be inspirational.
Whoever you may be, good Sir...
I'm sure that you're awesome and are worth my time, love, respect, and care.
I wish nothing, but happiness for all those couples, singles..and...friendships. :)
To find happiness in one person is a challenge, but there is hope..
because God gives us that hope. Hope in a better heart shared. I admire God for such a gift of love. Praises be to Him.
Btw, dear good Sir...
You might find it a good value you to know that...I love God, Star Wars, Star Trek,
video games, sarcasm, humor, reading, writing, artsy things, and
I do love hockey.
I hate chick flicks...they're too much for me..
and one word for you, "derp."
If we share something purely awesome..that means...we shall be purely awesome together.
The End of all rants of relationships, lovey dovey stuff..and the "like" of such.
-awkward penguin-
I've been experiencing a lot of friends talking to me about relationships and it's got me thinking...
what I would want someone.
It's not often that I really thinking about that certain someone that's out there...
but I really want to write about this because deep down, I will confess...
Yes, I think about this subject a lot more than what I express because
I don't want to show that I am weak, but rather strong.
I find it a temptation to want someone here by my side in the journey of faith and life...I don't want to forget that God is the ultimate one who gives me strength in the journey and He walks with me.
I sometimes forget that God wired me a certain way, but when I do remember, I am forevermore thankful because I stand out from all else.
Well, what I guess that I am trying to explain is...whenever I have guys talking to me about other girls...it makes me wonder what I don't have that they're not seeing in me
or what do I have that would do them well?
What is it that some women have that I don't...and they get a guy?
-I am not saying that I am desperate, because certainly, I am not. I just have my thoughts-
What am I talking about...I stand out so much that..a guy would be an idiot to pass me up.
I am a great person.
-I am not saying this to be egotistical, but I am being honest-
I am confident.
I am intelligent, witty, funny, awkward (sometimes...well..all the time)
I am firm in what I believe in.
Honest, blunt, forward, realistic, idealistic, logical, analytical
outgoing...
loving, compassionate, sentimental (don't always show that)...
I don't know why I am even writing about this---
I get frustrated because I hear about my friends who get treated so poorly or NOT good enough OR get treated with what they DESERVE...
and it makes me wonder...what if I was that person...to treat them like they were worth something..
with value, respect, love, trust, honesty, and never holding back to do what is right for them, holding them accountable...
letting them know that they can trust and have faith in me.
I am not the type of person to treat a person poorly (anyone for that matter), it just isn't in my character.
It's just..I get frustrated whenever I'm viewed as the, "best friend", "bro", "friend who games and shares all things inside nerd with..."
I've gotten friends jokingly say, "Makaya-forever alone" I laugh at that...but sometimes I'm like, "okay, seriously...not cool man.." because I know that I am not forever alone.
Maybe single for a long time..which I have no problem with really being single because yes, I am independent...
but there are moments where I think it'd be nice to date or be in a relationship that is worth it.
I don't look to be involved for just no reason, or out of being lonely, bored, etc.
I look to be in a relationship of value and worth between that guy and myself.
To share something significant.
To share the faith in God and in one another.
I take relationships and dating very seriously. I am not saying that I am picky, but I can be. I want to date someone that I feel is very potential for something beneficial and greater for the both of us. I want to find and share faith that betters us both in the heart, not to harm nor tear down.
I've had guys be interested in me, but I didn't feel the same way because it wasn't that I didn't value them, it's due to the fact I felt simply God didn't lead me that direction.
And, honestly, because I didn't feel a special something between me and that guy.
I've had TONS of friendships where yeah, we definitely got a long and all...but..
you always know there is something special with that one person whenever you can literally just express yourself in ways that you've never done before, talk to them about anything and everything...(even if it's..personal, that means so much), share interests, beliefs, and
definitely be able to openly joke with one another..and know that it's because you're such awesome friends to do it.
...
Just now thinking of this..
it's always really weird whenever your own parent considers introducing you to another person to potentially go out with...
I'll never pursue that.
Friendship, yes.
Relationship, NO.
Lesson: Never date someone you haven't known for a long time OR aren't significantly close with BECAUSE it could cause a good friendship to end OR you'll learn things about one another TOO quick..which can end...something that could have been good future wise...
or you just learn you're really opposite and it can't work out...
I have my own standards that I look for in someone, but I take notice to the littlest things about a person and put those into consideration.
I'm very observant and a good listener.
I notice habits fast and I remember the littlest likes/dislikes, generally, facts about a person. I even remember conversations quite well.
Because I take everything into consideration and value the good things in a person.
I notice the flaws, but I don't consider them to be affecting of what I find admirable in a person's heart.
I see past everything because I know that no one is perfect.
I guess, I am yearning to share...something with that person because I won't lie, I want to so badly to just express how much respect, value, admiration, and so much more with that person.
I find meaning in the little things of life to be great...
Valuing what is important.
I am one to value a person for their heart, not what they have done.
One day, I know that God will lead that right person for me to me, and me to him.
I don't fail to believe that.
I just want that one person to know whoever they are,
they're so much more and their heart is what I notice the most.
God loves that person very much.
And I hope to be someone they can depend on, share their heart and faith in God with, share interests, share the hardships with me so that I can help them be strong and help hold them up,
to have faith in me because I won't back down nor leave.
To share respect and love.
To find something more in one another that can be used for the good and beneficial.
To open each other's eyes to the unseen and to know that it's okay and not to fear.
To share what God wanted us to share...
I'm very caring and loving, and I don't always know how to express that...I express myself better with small gestures and words on paper because I feel those have more meaning besides the 3 words said between two people.
I feel that me praying for that someone shows that I do value and love that person.
I strongly feel that me just showing that I actually care about the little and big things in a person..
and holding them accountable...shows that I love and care about them...because I value the well being of a person.
I am not into the materialistic type of relationship.
I am into the Godly type. The type that God wanted us to have with one another.
-am rambling...ergh-
I really wanted this to be organized in a fashion that makes it understandable and...just...I don't even know..good? Good in showing that I am very honest in what I feel and want...I am very real about what is on my heart and mind, all of my feelings...---
I don't doubt that I'll have a Godly, loving, healthy relationship one day...
I just..wonder...when? Ya know?
I don't want to show you that I am weak..because I am not. I am strong in my independence.
Yet, I do say that I am human...and I can't stop these thoughts and feelings arise from time to time..
because every human wants to be loved and cared for...to mutually share everything with that one person and feel something..nice..
It's rare for the general people to have a healthy relationship anymore and that is sad...
It breaks my heart in that sense...but I feel, the broken hearted can always be mended to be greater, stronger, and be of a love that is so deep and intricate..it'll be inspirational.
Whoever you may be, good Sir...
I'm sure that you're awesome and are worth my time, love, respect, and care.
I wish nothing, but happiness for all those couples, singles..and...friendships. :)
To find happiness in one person is a challenge, but there is hope..
because God gives us that hope. Hope in a better heart shared. I admire God for such a gift of love. Praises be to Him.
Btw, dear good Sir...
You might find it a good value you to know that...I love God, Star Wars, Star Trek,
video games, sarcasm, humor, reading, writing, artsy things, and
I do love hockey.
I hate chick flicks...they're too much for me..
and one word for you, "derp."
If we share something purely awesome..that means...we shall be purely awesome together.
The End of all rants of relationships, lovey dovey stuff..and the "like" of such.
-awkward penguin-
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