It's got me thinking....

Lately,

I've been experiencing a lot of friends talking to me about relationships and it's got me thinking...
what I would want someone.

It's not often that I really thinking about that certain someone that's out there...
but I really want to write about this because deep down, I will confess...
Yes, I think about this subject a lot more than what I express because
I don't want to show that I am weak, but rather strong.

I find it a temptation to want someone here by my side in the journey of faith and life...I don't want to forget that God is the ultimate one who gives me strength in the journey and He walks with me.

I sometimes forget that God wired me a certain way, but when I do remember, I am forevermore thankful because I stand out from all else.

Well, what I guess that I am trying to explain is...whenever I have guys talking to me about other girls...it makes me wonder what I don't have that they're not seeing in me
or what do I have that would do them well?
What is it that some women have that I don't...and they get a guy?
-I am not saying that I am desperate, because certainly, I am not. I just have my thoughts-

What am I talking about...I stand out so much that..a guy would be an idiot to pass me up.
I am a great person.
-I am not saying this to be egotistical, but I am being honest-

I am confident.
I am intelligent, witty, funny, awkward (sometimes...well..all the time)
I am firm in what I believe in.
Honest, blunt, forward, realistic, idealistic, logical, analytical
outgoing...
loving, compassionate, sentimental (don't always show that)...

I don't know why I am even writing about this---

I get frustrated because I hear about my friends who get treated so poorly or NOT good enough OR get treated with what they DESERVE...
and it makes me wonder...what if I was that person...to treat them like they were worth something..
with value, respect, love, trust, honesty, and never holding back to do what is right for them, holding them accountable...
letting them know that they can trust and have faith in me.

I am not the type of person to treat a person poorly (anyone for that matter), it just isn't in my character.

It's just..I get frustrated whenever I'm viewed as the, "best friend", "bro", "friend who games and shares all things inside nerd with..."
I've gotten friends jokingly say, "Makaya-forever alone" I laugh at that...but sometimes I'm like, "okay, seriously...not cool man.." because I know that I am not forever alone.
Maybe single for a long time..which I have no problem with really being single because yes, I am independent...

but there are moments where I think it'd be nice to date or be in a relationship that is worth it.
I don't look to be involved for just no reason, or out of being lonely, bored, etc.

I look to be in a relationship of value and worth between that guy and myself.
To share something significant.
To share the faith in God and in one another.

I take relationships and dating very seriously. I am not saying that I am picky, but I can be. I want to date someone that I feel is very potential for something beneficial and greater for the both of us. I want to find and share faith that betters us both in the heart, not to harm nor tear down.

I've had guys be interested in me, but I didn't feel the same way because it wasn't that I didn't value them, it's due to the fact I felt simply God didn't lead me that direction.
And, honestly, because I didn't feel a special something between me and that guy.
I've had TONS of friendships where yeah, we definitely got a long and all...but..
you always know there is something special with that one person whenever you can literally just express yourself in ways that you've never done before, talk to them about anything and everything...(even if it's..personal, that means so much), share interests, beliefs, and
definitely be able to openly joke with one another..and know that it's because you're such awesome friends to do it.

...

Just now thinking of this..
it's always really weird whenever your own parent considers introducing you to another person to potentially go out with...
I'll never pursue that.
Friendship, yes.
Relationship, NO.

Lesson: Never date someone you haven't known for a long time OR aren't significantly close with BECAUSE it could cause a good friendship to end OR you'll learn things about one another TOO quick..which can end...something that could have been good future wise...
or you just learn you're really opposite and it can't work out...

I have my own standards that I look for in someone, but I take notice to the littlest things about a person and put those into consideration.
I'm very observant and a good listener.
I notice habits fast and I remember the littlest likes/dislikes, generally, facts about a person. I even remember conversations quite well.
Because I take everything into consideration and value the good things in a person.
I notice the flaws, but I don't consider them to be affecting of what I find admirable in a person's heart.
I see past everything because I know that no one is perfect.

I guess, I am yearning to share...something with that person because I won't lie, I want to so badly to just express how much respect, value, admiration, and so much more with that person.


I find meaning in the little things of life to be great...
Valuing what is important.


I am one to value a person for their heart, not what they have done.


One day, I know that God will lead that right person for me to me, and me to him.
I don't fail to believe that.

I just want that one person to know whoever they are,
they're so much more and their heart is what I notice the most.
God loves that person very much.
And I hope to be someone they can depend on, share their heart and faith in God with, share interests, share the hardships with me so that I can help them be strong and help hold them up,
to have faith in me because I won't back down nor leave.
To share respect and love.
To find something more in one another that can be used for the good and beneficial.
To open each other's eyes to the unseen and to know that it's okay and not to fear.

To share what God wanted us to share...

I'm very caring and loving, and I don't always know how to express that...I express myself better with small gestures and words on paper because I feel those have more meaning besides the 3 words said between two people.
I feel that me praying for that someone shows that I do value and love that person.
I strongly feel that me just showing that I actually care about the little and big things in a person..
and holding them accountable...shows that I love and care about them...because I value the well being of a person.
I am not into the materialistic type of relationship.
I am into the Godly type. The type that God wanted us to have with one another.


-am rambling...ergh-

I really wanted this to be organized in a fashion that makes it understandable and...just...I don't even know..good? Good in showing that I am very honest in what I feel and want...I am very real about what is on my heart and mind, all of my feelings...---

I don't doubt that I'll have a Godly, loving, healthy relationship one day...

I just..wonder...when? Ya know?

I don't want to show you that I am weak..because I am not. I am strong in my independence.
Yet, I do say that I am human...and I can't stop these thoughts and feelings arise from time to time..

because every human wants to be loved and cared for...to mutually share everything with that one person and feel something..nice..

It's rare for the general people to have a healthy relationship anymore and that is sad...

It breaks my heart in that sense...but I feel, the broken hearted can always be mended to be greater, stronger, and be of a love that is so deep and intricate..it'll be inspirational.

Whoever you may be, good Sir...
I'm sure that you're awesome and are worth my time, love, respect, and care.
I wish nothing, but happiness for all those couples, singles..and...friendships. :)

To find happiness in one person is a challenge, but there is hope..
because God gives us that hope. Hope in a better heart shared. I admire God for such a gift of love. Praises be to Him.





Btw, dear good Sir...

You might find it a good value you to know that...I love God, Star Wars, Star Trek,
video games, sarcasm, humor, reading, writing, artsy things, and
I do love hockey.
I hate chick flicks...they're too much for me..

and one word for you, "derp."

If we share something purely awesome..that means...we shall be purely awesome together.


The End of all rants of relationships, lovey dovey stuff..and the "like" of such.

-awkward penguin-