It's Nintendo Tuesday....

Happy Nintendo Tuesday! Tell all your friends! :D

It has been exactly 1 week since I have left college to come home. I feel as if it has been actually a longer time opposed to just a week. Is that weird? I think it is.

In the week I do believe I've accomplished maybe a few things; reflection, prayer, coming to really sit down with myself and just...exam my heart and how I've been as a disciple.

It's been, well, I think successful in those areas to at least try to take care of myself spiritually.

Speaking of spirituality, my friend Mr. Olmstead, who is my friend Matt's dad, he would teach the Sunday Bible study classes for Sr. High youth, well, that is before I left...anyways, he is the only one from the church who really bothered to ask how I was doing spiritually. He asked me that after church this past Sunday. I really wasn't sure how to answer it. I've never been asked that.

That question really...bothered me. I knew I wasn't great, but I was okay. I was..."surviving" simply. I don't want to be just "surviving" whatsoever.

I told Mr. Olmstead that I was just okay, and that I've had my fair share of up and downsides with the journey of faith because I feel that me going to college is just God telling me I can either step it up a notch or stand there while everyone else is actually leveling up to see Him more and more each day opposed to just sinking. I said it was just..a trial I was facing that wasn't the easiest and I was attempting to cope. Not sure of how to really cope except the basics of to keep praying, and seeking God for wisdom because really I don't see what else I could do.

In an email I had received from him before coming home, he told me to keep praying. No reason behind what he said, but he mentioned it. The time I read that, I really did need to hear it.

Realistically here, I have my share of doubts in life, and whenever I do...God is always there to remind me in several ways why I shouldn't doubt what is going on now, why I have been blessed the way I have been.

I have always been that one person to shut out the better things in life once I have received them graciously...such as friendships, a relationship, money, anything really. Anything great, I have brought myself to this point where I would go with it and then feel a build up of fear that something evil would arise within that certain friendship, relationship, or whatever it may be....that is because I fear being hurt.

I fear being hurt because I've been hurt too many times and I know I've grown emotionally/mentally stronger from it all that I have ever endured, but sometimes I just become afraid it'll happen all over again.

Maybe it takes true love to fear, and true fear to love. No love is right without a fear of it. You must be courageous to love. It's okay to have fear. It's okay to love, and to be loved.

I am learning more and more everyday to accept that.

To love is being courageous, because it takes the strong to really show the love that the weak could not bear to show.

To possess wisdom is to speak without fear of knowing one may be wrong or right. To accept correction is to accept a lesson in life.

To share the laughter and tears is to share the happiness and sadness that life brings, but those are the true blessings that bring us to our knees and become humbled in the life we are graciously given.

I may never know what it is truly like to live life to it's fullest, but I do believe that once I do really endure such a moment, I'll be sure to thank God for it. I wouldn't be able to do it on my own.

The blessings in my life are significant to me. God has blessed me in so many ways beyond imaginable by giving me a great family that I may not always show affection and love towards, nor do I always get a long with them, but deep in my heart I'd do anything for anyone of them. I love them so dearly. They're my life. I have a hard time showing that, but I try.

My friends, they're wonderful. I...am not sure where I would be without any of them. If it weren't for my friends, I wouldn't have gone to church to find God, nor would I have met all the people I would have at church. My friends at home and some in college make sacrifices for me beyond belief. I wish I could thank them in such spectacular ways, but I am not sure how to show how truly thankful I am for each and every single person and their ability to show me such fruit of the spirit. These people are like family and I appreciate every single friend of mine that God has blessed me with. Thank God.

My boyfriend, he really is a fantastic blessing and guy to me. God...really has blessed me with a wonderful man. A man of faith and intelligence. We have an immense amount of the same interests. I think the one thing that attracts me most to Sam is the fact he has faith in God, struggles the same way as I do, but is able to share faith with me, and discuss his thoughts with me. He trusts me enough to do that. I really appreciate such an aspect because I don't think I've gained such trust from a boyfriend I have ever had. I enjoy the fact I am allowed to guide him, too and we are able to pray for each other. That is so significant to me. I have thanked God so many times for such an aspect of the relationship to be present because to have a man of faith to share faith with you is the greatest feeling ever.

What is also wonderful is he is a guy who can just...makes me laugh, smile, and makes me feel great about anything and everything. No matter if I am frustrated about something, he is there to comfort. How awesome...

I think what God has really done for Sam and I is to help us both realize it is okay to be loved, to feel accepted, and to grow in the faith in wisdom, love, integrity, and patience with one another. We share all these interests and emotions together that are similar that sometimes I wonder if I am actually dreaming and feel I need to pinch myself, but I am reminded, he is here because God placed Sam in my life for a reason, just as I was placed in his.

To be placed in someone's life is really a blessing because we learn from one another, and I've learned not only from Sam, but friends I've made, or kept.

God is really awesome like that and I don't thank Him enough for what great, loving people He has placed in my life because without them, I am not sure what all would have helped shape me today.

Therefore, Lord, I thank you for all the great and loving people you have placed in my life. I thank you for all the blessings as well. Everything from you is a blessing whether it is good or bad at times because I know from them all I learn something new from You, through that, I consider a true blessing.

Praises be to You.

Amen.

Psalm 116: 5-6 "The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need he saved me."