Trials and Tribulations--There Is Always Hope

Life is full of them. There isn't a single life that goes without the series. There will be days where it all seems to be too much, but I must say, the next day is a brand new day.

I write to remind you that each day is a new day and nothing of your past matters. Sometimes, a reminder to myself is very well needed. We all endure different types of trials and tribulations, they all may be different in the matters of situation...yet, do they not produce the exact same reactions and feelings from the heart? It may be hard to realize just how much we humans can relate to one another.
Never did I expect people to feel the need to relate to me, but what I've found is when 'we' can relate, it makes the series so much easier to endure and feel comforted. I guess that my main point is to make it known to you that whatever you're enduring, it will end and that there is a brand new day ahead of you, in which will bring joy. I cannot say it will be tomorrow, for I cannot predict our days, but what I can reassure you of is that I can understand, relate, and do my best to keep others hopeful.
That's the one thing that has been instilled within me; hope. What is instilled in me, I pray that I can make it instilled within you, too. Days come and go, but be sure to know that I am always here to instill the hope that is in you and make it alive. You know, the series of trials and tribulations are a funny thing, at least to me. I've been through plenty, and currently as we speak am enduring one. The entire situation has been nothing, but completely frustrating. On the surface, I show that I am okay and happy, but deep down, since August I have felt more frustration over my trial.

Sometimes, it is a really hard time, but then other days, I've pushed it back and not worried for the simple fact of separating my worries and stresses. Moments pass by where I really do my best to present a persona of where I have things under control. That's where I came to my senses and realized, nothing has ever been in my control, nor will it ever be. That was a trigger of frustration. I can confess that I was being entirely immature and wanting my way, but in reality, I knew that what I may want is what may not be needed for me. That caused me to evaluate what my needs are.
When going through the list, I realized that my earthly needs were surpassing my spiritual needs...wait...that cannot be right!
My earthly needs...aren't they just also what I want? If you think about it, needs and wants can be considered practically the same thing. I say this because when you have a need, you want it. You have a want, you say, I need it. Do you not? I certainly have said and thought that.
In this time, I also remember that the Lord knows my every desire, want and need in life. He has promised us so much more and taught us to drop our selfishness so that we can better serve Him and live a life that can be beneficial to others. So many moments where I feel left in the dark over it all, but I keep hopeful and remember just how much the Lord does supply for my earthly and spiritual needs.
Isaiah 58:11 New International Version (NIV) "11 The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Even after I am reminded of how much the Lord will provide for me, also, I remember to be strong and hopeful in what the resolution may be.
"Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going. Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of the light." John 12:35-36 "For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not have yet, we wait patiently." Romans 8:24-25
Everyone, Time may be difficult with all of the trials and tribulations, but just remember that one, the Lord will provide for all of your needs, two, to stay strong and motivated, and lastly, hopeful. Stay hopeful and know that you're not alone. We all are human and share in emotions. Be strong and know that not every situation will come to what you want it to be...just remember, is it what you need it to be? Do you -really- need it?
Sincerely, Just trying to make an impact and spread hope.

Romans 5:3 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, character; and character, hope."

Just one Ear

Hi friends, It's been awhile since I've last written in this blog of mine, but I do hope to keep it up to date so that those reading and sharing my words are able to find comfort, a form of healing, words of wisdom, or something that they were just in need to hear. No matter what it may be, I just hope and pray that it is beneficial and provokes a renewed perspective and attitude. If you are new to this blog, please feel free to read anything that I post and comment. I welcome you to my personal blog that is a dive into what I've experienced, how I've found comfort and wisdom, what I've learned and gained, what I've lost, but what I've also more so learned to appreciate, love, and accept. I share this with you. May this blog be a blessing to you. Sincerely, Mak Quite often throughout today, I've chatted with a few friends of mine and kept thinking about certain things that were the subject matter. How does one impact another by just giving a listening ear and showing that they care? Think about it, how much of an impact does it do for a person in need to receive a listening ear? An infinite impact will be made whenever you take the time to listen to the one in need. How do you know? Well, have you ever needed someone to just hear you out? Think back to a time where you needed someone to just listen to you either vent or talk about something that may have been eating away at you. The moment a person had taken the time to listen and help, did that help you? Did they say or do something that helped you? The feeling from that moment, now, think, just if you could be on the opposite side, helping a person feel better about a situation, whatever it may be... It's not too often that a person will simply reach out to a person in need because they're afraid, too. Afraid that they won't have the right words to say or even if they're in the position to help. Trust me when I say this, if the opportunity is present and in your reach, it's your turn to reach out and change a life. Do not be afraid. How will you ever learn and know what it means to have said the right words or done the right thing for someone if you have never tried? You'll never know until you have pursued the experience. Just one ear can go farther than even imagined and I can say this out of experience from being on both sides. It's often that I'm found on the side where I'm giving advice and doing the listening which nothing makes me happier than knowing I've helped a person somehow, even in the smallest matter, it's a huge deal to me. Though, the moments that I am on the other side having the person listen to me talk about whatever it is, I remember to be very appreciative and thankful of that listening ear because it goes a long way in the sense of not just helping me realize the importance of a situation and how it's impacting either just my life or others, but how I am seriously learning and gaining wisdom out of the entirety of it. This is what a listening ear does! It helps us to grow into the people we are. It's an action that says a lot about the willing and open heart that we may have. It really says, "How can I learn from this?" "What can I gain from this experience?" "What can I do to help?" It goes a whole long way on a variety of matters and this long road is immensely worth it because it is a gain for both ears involved. Giving and receiving, it's being done and we are taught to be giving rather than receiving. Although, it doesn't hurt to be on the receiving end when needed because what one may be giving is a true gift that cannot be taken. Friends, make the one true gift and do not take it for granted, make a step out of your comfort and give that listening ear, because surely, one who is in need is ready to receive such a precious gift that only someone like you can give. Be strong and ready, I know that you can. I believe that you can make a difference. Praying that each and every single one of us is prepared with the right mind set and heart to give and reach out to the ones in need. To be prepared in knowing there is silence, but to be ready to break the silence so that there is a new light and day for each one in need that is reached and touched greatly. I pray that all of you will put others before you to truly feel and know what it means to have changed a life for the better. To keep that and carry it within your heart in wanting to grow in such a feeling that you yearn to keep making a positive impact in those around and before you in time. May the Lord keep you and bless your journey(s) in the faith, <3 Mak P.S. Even if you are not familiar with God, who He is, and what has been done for you, I still keep you in my prayers and thoughts because you are a friend to me and I care about you. I pray that this has made an impact on your heart, nevertheless. <3 An extra prayer goes out to those dealing with depression, anger, and other issues. Know that you are not alone and you are so much more. You are more than your past choices, you are more than your past mistakes, you are more than the problems that you create, you've been remade.

The simple, "I love you."

Good morning my friends! It has been quite some time since I've last written to you! I hope that the each of you are doing well and have been experiencing good days. As of lately, I have experienced my share of ups and downs, but what is grace to me right now is the fact that the Lord always has and will continue to give me the strength and confidence to know that these hard times I experience even while in school are for a reason to build me up and He is using me, nothing is a waste. Learning experiences, really. I'm growing in all aspects of who I am and if anything I've really come to terms with so much more transferring to RIT and meeting all these new people from all forms of diversity is that we are made to be diverse. The different cultures that I am learning about and how these new people in my life were raised has been quite interesting for me to gain an understanding about. This understanding has helped me to realize that all of who we are really is derived partially according to how we are raised by our parents in a certain environment. The impact is deep and sharp. Deeper and sharper than I had ever grasped before. This form of deep and sharp has really just shot me right into the heart in a way that isn't necessarily harsh, but an eye opener. An eye opener to just how much I am blessed to have the parents and entire family that I do. We all do become frustrated with our own parents and family altogether, right? (Who doesn't?) I guess that when hearing one talk about their parents and family, how annoying they may be or how rude they are makes me feel not exactly bad for what I hear, but pity because a family isn't and shouldn't be about a person feeling as if they cannot trust one another or communicate period with such haste. Family is about love. The Lord has made great emphasis on how much we should respect and love one another in the family all throughout His entire Word. He has told us repetitively how we should be living and respectful towards one another. He has told us to submit to Him. Proverbs 3:6 New International Version (NIV) 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.[a] When we are told to submit to Him, it also applies to our parents as well. Now, submitting isn't necessarily giving in, don't take that in such a form of connotation. It's really about one being able to give their hearts and minds to being open and just, honest, and respectful towards the one above them. It is about obeying. The Lord is above us and so are our parents and elders. Those who are in line with you, you should also treat the same aka siblings, relatives, friends, neighbors, etc. The Lord talks about how obeying (being respectful, if you think about it) is something that pleases Him and it is right. Colossians 3:20 New International Version (NIV) 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Ephesians 6:1 New International Version (NIV) 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Thinking about all of this, really makes me remember that all of this should be done out of love. When one truly loves, they are displaying a form of respect (submitting, obeying) and honesty. One honestly and sincerely shows respect when they are able to show love, this love is respectful and kind...it is derived from the Spirit and is abundantly fruitful in all forms of kind things of the heart. With all this said, when we do that and even say, "I love you." It's a very fragile and important phrase. Think about it. Just what does this all mean when you are sharing it? You don't just say that phrase without meaning something behind it right? Despite you may say that you do, really, if you didn't feel something of what love really means or anything, one wouldn't say it at all. Therefore, it's really a phrase that is said with great importance and isn't shared enough in the right way! It's tossed around so much and when it is, one is tossing around their own heart as if it was loose chain in a pocket! Don't be carrying it around like that, put it in your wallet and protect it! Protect the heart and all of that love you hold inside without being afraid to be sacrificial of course, but protect and use it wisely. All that inside is so vital and vulnerable. That vital and vulnerability is actually something so deeply important to be sharing with YOUR family, not just those outside of the family. More importantly, God and your parents! To say, "I love you," to the Lord, your Father in Heaven...or your parents and family is so vital in this time because we do not hear or say it enough to one another. If we do it's completely one sided. One sided, all coming from the Lord (because His love is constant and is always showing it!) AND our parents! How much does your parents say, "I love you," and you do not say it back, but may only say it back because you feel obligated or annoyed? We all have been there. Don't feel guilty about it because you're not alone, but feel guilty for the fact it is being tossed around as if it wasn't vital or a vulnerable aspect in your life. Those above us that I speak of say and share this because they really do mean it and do their best to show it to you. They show it by their actions, not just words. When one does the same in return it changes everything in the heart in so many good ways. It helps the both of you to realize just how much you mean to one another and does bring everyone closer together not just as a family, but in what is love. Today made me really think about how much, "I love you," really means to the ones above us and how much we are to be sharing it in the right manner with the right state of heart and mind. It made me realize how much I should say and show it to God, my parents, family as an entirety, and those outside of that spectrum because it is deserved even despite at moments, I feel that it isn't, it really is deserving. The times we aren't deserving we still receive it, therefore, why can't we feel the same at times with others? We should. Be open to love and saying, "I love you," only if you really are meaning it in the right place because if you're not, it isn't that person that is at a loss, it is you because it is your heart that has become bitter. Don't let that fill you, let love in. Let love fill, control, and show you the right way to say and show, "I love you," to those above and around you. It changes an entire perspective of multiple hearts. The challenge is, are you willing and ready to use it in the most vital, vulnerable, yet simple way? Today, take the time to say, "I love you," the right way to God, your parents, family, and those around you. If not saying it, show it. Always. In Him, Mak PS. Today, I texted my parents saying that I love you and hope that they have a good day and hoping all is well. Made their days. The littlest gestures with such a phrase goes a long way. That is my proof. Challenge Accepted?

5 years ago the 20th

Hello friends, At midnight, when it strikes the 20th of July is the anniversary mark of when I gave my heart to Jesus and believed that He saved me by dying on the cross for not only my sins, but the sin of the world. Here I am 20 years old and looking back on how 5 years has gone by, wow. I can't believe that it's been 5 years since I was baptized at Hilton Head Island, SC in the Atlantic Ocean. Thinking back, it's rather nostalgic to me. I guess it's because it isn't everyday that a Christian is baptized in the ocean at midnight. Of all days, times, and moments....God called me there. I almost cannot fathom over such an event for the simple reason of it's really deep. Back then, I didn't think much of the baptism itself until I felt anew. Let me explain briefly who I was and what was going on back at the time. There I was, 14 years of age. Living with my Mom, older brother; Jason, and a stepfather; Craig. (Craig had kids who well, weren't kids. They're adults. I was rather close with one; Corinne who I still am relatively close with, along with her husband; Tim.) Anyways, during that Summer, I was going through a lot of issues and Corinne had noticed and asked if it was alright that I had gone down to have a 'vacation' with her and Tim for about a month by staying at their apartment. My mom had agreed it was fine and in July I ended up staying in Hilton Head Island, SC. Corinne and Tim are two Christians who are very kind, loving, and warm hearted people. Enjoyable company. At the time, they were working/volunteering at their church where they were involved with Youth Ministry. Also, Tim played drums in the worship band and Corinne helped with slides. They were church goers. I...was not. I did not grow up in that environment whatsoever. It's not that my family is not spiritual or 'Christian' it's just, they didn't force Christianity into our lives, despite, I did know what church and somewhat knew of who Jesus Christ was, slightly, that is. At this point, I was really uncomfortable knowing I would be in the church setting most of my days within a week due to them being so involved. While they were busy, I knew no one. That made me nervous and very uptight. While being exposed to the church setting, I was quite nervous, but...ended up relaxing over a week or two that had passed. People there would greet me with a hug and were attempting to get to know me for who I was. That was really odd to me. I didn't get it. Why were these people being so friendly and loving towards me? They did not know who I was. I felt awful and worrisome. ------- Note: At the age of 14, my past was dark. At that time, I was going through many medical concerns and was very depressed. Depressed wasn't even a description of how I felt about myself. I had almost no confidence, felt unhappy and misunderstood, frustrated, angry, and wanted nothing to do with people. I was immensely bullied at school, given, home wasn't any better. I was emotionally/verbally/physically abused from a stepfather and had to witness seeing my family being treated the same way. That broke my heart and I felt as if I could do nothing about it. While with school and home being so broken, I felt life was meaningless and attempted suicide various times, yet unsuccessful. 3 days before I had left for SC, I attempted suicide and did not succeed. I didn't understand why I was given life.-------- After 2 weeks had gone by, the third week I began to open up with others. My personality started to shine a bit more. I was talkative, animated, and smiled for the first time in a long time. I was given a Holy Bible and was taught how to pray. I never prayed alone, I prayed with others who helped me know and learn until I felt comfortable. I didn't know how and where to start with reading the Bible. I first learned about the life of Jesus Christ and what He did for us, then I was introduced to Law, so that I could distinguish between Law and Gospel. After that, I started from the beginning to learn about how God created us and the world altogether. Won't kid you, I was very intimidated and a little frustrated, yet remained patient. The last week in SC, it was late at night. I had stayed after with Corinne, an elder, and the Pastor. They were cleaning up and all of that. I waited patiently for them to finish so Corinne and I could head back to the apartment. While talking, Corinne asks me a life changing question..."Makaya, do you want to be saved?" Saved? What's that? What's this 'saved' matter that she speaks of? I didn't really know what that meant and didn't want to seem dumb, so I denied the offer. She asked if I was sure and I nodded my head yes. Then, I felt something inside of me, say, "It's okay, do not fear. It's okay." I listened and after 10 minutes or so...I went up to Corinne and said, "Corinne, I want to be Saved. I want to accept Jesus." She smiled and hugged me. She was so excited. There, she had called over the Pastor and elder telling them that I wanted to be Saved. They rejoiced and asked if they could pray over me and I accepted. Each, they placed a hand on me and after 10 minutes or so of prayer, Corinne's hand was lead up to the back of my neck and she asked, "Makaya, I feel God leading my hand here...did something happen to you?" I broke down in tears, sobbing like a child who had fallen off of their bike..or scared at the least. I had confessed that we were being abused by Craig and I had been experiencing physical bullying in school, too. I poured my heart out right there to these people who I had not known long, unlike Corinne I had known for a few years. Never did I cry, so hard in my entire life. I had then made a deeper confession of how I attempted suicide multiple times and didn't understand why love would hurt and if I was loved, then why was I so broken inside? Why would God love me when I've attempted to hurt myself and have hurt others in the long run...especially by breaking my own mother's heart at hating myself. A parent would never want that for their child. There, they each hugged me and reassured me of how loved I was and that God loves me so much and that I was His child. They continued to pray and after about 30-45 minutes of praying and confession, they then exclaimed, "LET'S TELL EVERYONE AND CELEBRATE! WE MUST CALL EVERYONE AND TELL THEM TO MEET US AT THE BEACH FOR YOUR BAPTISM!!" I felt better and looked at them like they were crazy loopy for at midnight... After their excitement, we left for the beach so that I and another man would be baptized the same night. About 15 minutes or so we arrived at the beach and it was really dark out. I remember the scenery. It was a clear night sky, with a full moon, and the stars were bright and vibrant with their pale white value. The air was fresh and the ocean was calm with a slight tide. No one had shown up, but Tim, the Pastor, the other man (my brother in Christ so to speak), and myself had walked out to the water where it was about...ehh, waste high. They prayed and I watched them baptize my brother in Christ and realized, "Oh man, this is it...I wonder what this feels like?" After they prayed, they then told me to hold my breathe and bend back. There, I went under water. ----this next part, I am NOT kidding---- Came up out of the water and saw a beam of light and then wiped my eyes once more and saw the beach full of people from the church rejoicing and cheering. My feelings? FREE. LIGHT. HAPPY. JOYOUS. EXCITED. AND...I can't explain all of these crazy happy feelings and the feeling of...no weight on my chest or..shoulders there. I couldn't remember the past things then and could not...get out of this 'state of mind' where I was just..happy. I went back to the beach and hugged everyone. When I was there, I ran around and said, "Thank you. Just..thank you!" I was on this emotional high..even on the way back. ---this next part not kidding!--- While in the car on the way back to the apartment, it was just Corinne and I. As she was talking, I kept hearing this voice say, "Pray for Jason! Pray for Jason, now! He's being hurt!" I listened and was like, "Corinne, sorry, but...I feel something telling me to pray for Jason now!" So we did as she drove. As we prayed, I felt better. But I heard this voice so loudly speaking out to me and it was really freaky at the time. It kept telling me to pray about all of these things, to not fear, and to know that things were alright and I was going to be better. That night, as I went to bed...I remembered seeing others and Jesus paintings with Him kneeling on the ground praying. Therefore, I did the same. I got down on my knees, placing my hands together lying them on the edge of the bed and prayed. I thanked God for the baptism, saving us, and loving us for who we are despite our sins. I asked that He would teach me to be like Him and that I would know what love really was and what it meant to show and be loved as His Son did. Went home, baptized the next day...surprising my parents with the news. They were happy for me. 2 years later at 16, I was invited by my friend Amanda to attend church with her. She is a member at St. Luke Lutheran Church Cabot, PA. At this time, I was getting involved with the Youth Ministry and volunteering opportunities. I then, began attending church services as well and became actively involved. That same year, was my first mission trip to Richmond where I served by working with various other church groups along side them, working with the mentally disabled and helped rebuild and fix up an elderly couple's home. I also made a few life long friends who I am still in contact with today and visited with over Thanksgiving. They're such a blessing to me. 2 years after that, at 18 years old I became a member of St. Luke Lutheran by taking their Discipleship course and that Summer of 2010 after I had graduated HS, I attended the LCMS National Youth Gathering to only have grown in my discipleship, fellowship with brothers and sisters in the faith, witness, and love for Christ, and His people. That same Summer, then transitioned within the Fall, beginning at Concordia University of Ann Arbor, Ann Arbor, MI where I intended a Family Life Youth Ministry major. There, I spent from August 2010-November 2011 in attendance. Yet, within that time period I have made some of the greatest friendships and have come to know that God has such a great group of disciples out there that I've crossed paths with. The many friendships that I still have today with those who have attended CUAA are...some of my best and most close friends...not only because of who they are, but the fact they have shown a love for me as Christ did by taking the time to know me for my heart and share in fellowship. They have been one of biggest blessings to me and I love each and every single person significantly. Friends who are reading this that I met at CUAA, thank you for being you and I love and appreciate your friendship and the heart that you have. Many prayers of thanks have been lifted for and because of the each of you. Keep growing in your faith and love for Christ. <3 Also, while at CUAA I was given the opportunity and blessing to be a speaker at a Youth Ministry event called, "Tool Time." There, I had shared my testimony of how I came to Christ and said how that...we are a chosen people of God and we are able to stand tall in all cases because God is our rock and refuge. That...had to of been one of the biggest blessings to me because I had met many youth and am a mentor to them..praying and keeping in touch with them and their faith. Between these times, I've shared of my testimonies of how I've gone from feeling like nothing to feeling like something..and that something is being a disciple of Christ, who feels completely called to love and share the love of Jesus with those who cross my path. By doing so, it has influenced my family who aren't the most spiritual. They've been open to prayer, attending church, and discussing God's love and wisdom. Thanks be to God! Here I am at 20 years old, a child of God who chose to have life and I know my calling. My calling is this: "1 Thessalonians 5:14-15, 10-11 "And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." You and I are saved. He saved us and we are so loved. I tell you the truth, I am no longer the person I was at 14. Rather, this is what has happened to me and who I am is a loving being. I love you my brother, sister. God loves you, please know this. "20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 I pray that by my testimony, God has spoken through me to you so that you are well aware that no matter what you are going through, no matter your past mistakes or decisions, you are loved for the heart that God has created in You. You are created in His image, not the world's. You, my brother, sister, are loved by a God who wants to love and save you. I went from lost to found, won't you be found, too? I pray and ask in God's holy precious Son's name that you will be found and saved because we love you. Thank you for reading and blessings to you, Makaya

My Poetic Prayer and Letter

Lord, Help us to not be selfish. We are a selfish people. Help guide our minds, hearts, and paths according to You and Your will, alone. Remind us each time that we step off path that You love us and we are forgiven by the blood of our Savior, Jesus. Lord, we are blind, but You provide insight, wisdom, guidance, healing, love, and reassurance of who You are, what You've done for us, and that You are so much stronger and mighty than anything in this world. By that, we have great comfort in You and can lean on You as Your children should to their Father. Father, we love You. Keep us. Your child, Makaya 1-We're blind 2-We need to see 3-To see You 4-You, the One who loves 5-Loves us all. 6-All who are created by You 7-You are the only One 8-One who can show us 9-Us who need wisdom 10-Wisdom from You 11-You provide guidance 12-Guidance from Your hands 13-Hands that heal 14-Heal us, help us 15-Us who are blind 16-Blind will walk 17-Walk into the insight 18-Insight of the Mighty 19-Mighty, Lord who corrects 20-Correct our crooked paths 21-Paths are now corrected 22-Corrected by the One who loves 23-Loves you, alone, 24-Alone, He gave it all 25-All He wants is you, 26-You to know 27-Know that He loves 28-You, 29-You are forgiven, 30-Forgiven by the blood, 31-Blood of Jesus 32-Jesus cleansed you 33-You are free 34-Free to be you, 35-You are set free!

Hold on, I have faith in you.

Dear brothers and sisters, I am writing to you on behalf of some experiences as of lately. Recently within this past week or so, I've been informed by several friends of how they're struggling. Some have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or both along with being bipolar. For these friends, even a few I am completely shocked to hear this from really made me feel sad for them, but alas, it made me all the more want to pray for them. These few people are some of the people who have helped me greatly with my faith in Jesus and I want to help them, too. So, I ask that you who are reading to please keep these few beings in your prayers. Yet, I must tell you a brief story of a friend of mine: (I am leaving names unsaid due to privacy and respectful matters) It had to of been last week that she had been texting me upset and stated how she never felt happy, felt as if God wouldn't want her and did not love her at all because of her past mistakes. She felt that God wouldn't want anything to do with her because she did not pray and read her Bible. She also stated that God must not love her because of all of the hardship in her life aka illness, depression, a hard relationship with family, and struggling with relationships generally. While her texting me this and as I read everything, my heart sank, yet..I knew her exact feelings. I explained to her how she is not alone and I've been there. I know exactly how she feels and that sometimes we go through hardship because God is teaching us and it's apart of His plan to help us grow stronger within our faith in Him. I gave her some examples from my life in the faith to help her understand and reminded her of how much God loves her along with some encouraging and reassuring Scripture. She thanked me and we continued to talk about her struggles. She asked if we could Skype and I said yes of course and we did on a Monday after my class in that evening. After her just pouring all of her heart out to me, I feel I could completely relate and said to her, "Gretchen, Jesus loves you so much. He gave His life for you so that you could live. Life was never meant to be simple, but with Jesus we are made strong and we are able to endure anything in life, whether it be depression, anxiety, or struggles within our faith. God knows how you feel and He will see you through. Keep the hope that lies within you alive. God is faithful. He has never left your side. It may seem as if He did, but trust me, He didn't. Sin blinds us from God so we end up lying there feeling fear and unsure of what God wants for us and of us. Simply, God wants nothing more than to love you. Don't be afraid to let Him in. He's waiting on you. It's your choice, we have free will. The moment you make the choice to let Him in completely, that's the moment He'll completely set you free. I pray that He sees you through and I pray that you keep hoping." She cried and thanked me. She explained how hard it was to stay faithful and to keep praying after no answers. I told her that sometimes we aren't answered right away because it's a process. Everything with God is a process and we shouldn't expect anything from God right away because that teaches us no patience and that is handing us things straight up without any actual form of conscience of learning and processing the entire situation itself. I told her that I was learning the same thing to be patient and that it takes a lot of meditation and prayer. I encouraged her to keep steadfast in the faith and do not lose hope because there is a light at the end! She said it was hard and that she still felt that God wouldn't want her. I told her that she was created in the image of God and was surely chosen to be of His kingdom. That she can find a strength and peace within this time and God has never left her side, neither has those who love her. I prayed to God right there and then, asked some of those in the faith that I trust with so much to pray for her and to keep her in their prayers. I briefly shared her thoughts with them so they had an idea of what to pray about and lift up to God. Mind you, I mentioned the fact her parents were in denial of her diagnosis, felt she was making it all up, and didn't want her to be on medication thinking she did not need it. This made my heart cry out to God praying and pleading He would see this family through and that God would bless them with a solution, wisdom, and understanding. Friends, a few days later said friend texted me telling me she was put on anti depressants, told her parents, and the doctor told her she should continue therapy and start these anti depressants. She feared her parents would not understand as before. But, they did! They told her that it was okay, allowed her to get medication to help her with the depression and anxiety, to continue therapy, and we very understanding of her condition. PRAISES BE TO GOD. When she texted me telling me that her parents were finally understanding and allowing her to go on medication, I rejoiced in God. It's amazing what God can do. Now she has started the medication and is continuing therapy. So far, positive results. We are keeping her in our prayers along with the many others who deal with the same struggles. The point of sharing this story is, many people of the faith honestly do struggle with all sorts of matters, it's just the few that make the mindset to be very negative and hard to deal with is those derived within the emotional and psychological issues causing all forms of negative thoughts making that person feel they're not significant to God, should have life, or anything of the sort and much more. To those who struggle, YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE. Hold on and take heart in the faith because you have a strength within you from God that keeps you holding on. You have a hope that has been instilled within your heart to keep you going and that is your faith in Christ Jesus. You have been chosen by God to live a life according to His will and He sent His only son Jesus Christ to die for you out of LOVE. Deuteronomy 7:6 New International Version (NIV) "6 For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession." 1 John 4:8-12 New International Version (NIV) 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. You are so much more and He loves you. I love you. There is a peace and strength at the end of each day that is given to you by our God. Just know that you are strong. You have the will to keep going and stand firm in the faith. He promises to give you a strength that will last and a firm faith that will keep your eyes set on Him. He really does. Isaiah 40:29-31 New International Version (NIV) 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Psalm 29:11 New International Version (NIV) 11 The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OzzywdDozo It's going to be hard, but know that it's going to be okay. It may not be soon, but it will be alright at some point according to His timing. Know that you're not alone and God understands. It's okay, I promise to be here by your side to help and support you through your struggles because I love you, too. It's going to get better and there is a light. It's okay, no matter your struggle, you have me and Jesus. <3

From the bottom of my heart in all sincereity and truth.

Fellow friends, Tonight about 1:30am I am writing to you to share an experience in my faith as of a little bit ago that I felt the need to inform you about. Story: I find at times that when I am just getting back up from falling short from the glory of God, I tend to be all the more tempted harder and intensely. Usually, what is typical of me is to give in from all sorts of sides and feel this voice in my mind saying, "It's okay...He forgives." Well to that little voice, I said no and I wanted to stand strong. I wanted to be different and show God that I really want to change my heart for Him. I tend to write in this Bible journal that I have where I just...do entries with prayer requests, confessions, praise... Basically, I write my entries more so as 'letters to God.' Where I'm just talking with Him generally as my Father. (I find this easy for me to loosen up within my relationship with God) I wrote in that journal entry tonight how I think He is amazing through His unconditional love and how He heals, then telling us we're new in His eyes. I can't imagine what that must be like to see because I certainly do not feel so deserving, despite He says that I am deserving of His mercy. While writing, I felt something just tell me...how much I can be reminded of His love by thinking of the sacrifice on the Christ. Despite, I knew that already, it came to me harder. I really thought about it..and realized, did I ever really know and understand just what that meant for me and His people, by dying for me? What...being would do that for another? No other, but Jesus. By that reminder of such a love, it made me more so contemplate the fact He shows mercy out of the love He has for us no matter what. He's so faithful. He's a faithful Father, lover, and friend. He is everything I could ever need in someone. When I realized how much He loves all at once tonight...despite I knew He loved immensely, it made me realize..how much I want that love He has for people to be in my heart, to be pouring out abundantly so I could be so willing to display and act out in love in the name of Christ. I guess, it made me think about how much..I want to be able to finally show such a love towards that one man that God has for me. I don't know if I've ever truly loved a man out there in the sense of 'more than a friend' or 'best friend.' I've always been one to guard my heart and try to take my time when it comes to growing in friendships and thinking of possibilities in a significant other. I wrote in my journal that...one man, I want God to enable me to love on all ends as needed and give me the strength and courage to do so...to give me the willing heart so that I may know what it means to love and be loved. Because, I confessed that I fear being loved by another out of the experiences of being sexually assaulted and raped when I was young, both being from men I had trusted and highly liked as a teenager. Ever since the events, it's always affected my matter of showing affection or being open to it from both genders, but mainly men. It's odd to me because majority of my friends, especially close friends are men. It had taken me up to sometime in college to regain comfortable matters around men and having a form of 'bromance' or..friendship, whatever you want to label it as. I firmly believe, that was God's beginning way of healing me because I had an abundance of fantastic male friends in the name of Christ. These people have shown me such great friendship that I've never received before in my entire life and it was weird being that...I almost didn't know how to socially handle it. I was completely comfortable with me doing things for others and being that friend who is to stay up all hours of night to talk or be by your side as needed or whatever it maybe. Call me, I'm there. Knock on my window/door, you're welcomed in. Anything, I dropped for anyone just to be there to help them. I had always been that one person to be like that, but to receive it..not so much..and when that started a vast amount in college (still is) it makes me realize how much I needed to loosen and open up my heart to people in that sense...to say, "it's okay to want help." "It's okay to accept help, to not be independent...to actually..let people in to help you emotionally, too." I guess..I have this..strong interior where I just don't let things eat at me like some corrosive acid and where I get all..dramatic about it. I just..let it go and give it up to God. Well, when I had moments where I had felt so alone, nothing was right, people frustrated me, I was angry with God... these friends were there for me, prayed for me AND with me..even when I had refused to pray...they grabbed my hands and prayed anyways...and... for God to give a person or many to me in my life...to show such love is exactly what I needed to help break down my walls. To let me be more open to letting others in. If you can't open your heart to others..how do you expect them to be open hearted to you? How do you expect yourself to help others if you won't help yourself? How do you expect to help improve a relationship between God and a believer when your's isn't intact or it's asleep? God made me realize tonight that the friends I have are special and are a form of love that I've learned to love and accept. By His grace, He's been teaching and healing me from my previous wounds. He took those wounds and made them beautiful by making me strong within Him so that I may be able to help others heal of all sorts of things that eat at their hearts. What I've accepted is, patience in love. I've accepted the fact that I am 20 years old and single. Am I in a rush for a relationship or to feel love? To know what it means to feel special in a man's eyes? To be adored, to be treated with respect and love? To know what it feels like to be on an actual date, where I don't feel like I'm the one wearing the pants? To where I'll know what it feels like..to have a guy..just..want to be my best friend, accept me for all of my little odd bits and quirks, animated personality, and...just all that I am created as and to be. I am in no rush to feel that all...and all the more from a man. Yes, I yearn for it and yearn to feel what it means and feels like with that one person, but I don't need that to feel confident and comfortable with who I am inside and out. God helps and gives me all the confidence that I need to accept and be comfortable with who I am and with others. I won't lie, I do yearn to show my affection towards a man one day. I am awkward about it because I'm..learning and everything. I'm very cautious and thoughtful of the boundaries and what the other person maybe feeling or thinking because I want them to be comfortable with me. From what my friend Brezinski said to me, I'm really awful in relationships in the sense of physical affection because...I don't pick up on ques. I don't think it's so much the ques, but the matter of me just being..shy in that sense? Honestly, God knows how I feel and think. I'm..a very suttle person in this case. I enjoy holding hands, hugs, cuddling, and little signs of affection. Not the bigger physical aspects. I take greater appreciation in the small things of physical and emotional attributes. For me to show a guy I really appreciate him, I'll do things for him. I'll surprise him with..something I've made by using my artistic or musical skills, writing poetry (yes, I write poetry from the bottom of my heart...it helps me express my feelings), cooking food that he likes, offering to help with things, do things for him openly and willingly, offering my listening ear and advice...letting him I'm the type to pretty much go all out and do anything for a guy to please and make him happy. I ENJOY doing it..it makes me happy to know that I've made that one person happy. I honestly would love just sitting there watching a movie, hockey (if he likes it too), playing games, going on walks or runs together..anything. I'm simple and laid back. I take greater appreciation when a guy and I can just...be spending time together without having to spend money. I don't need a guy to spend money on me to make me happy or pleased. Seriously, I am with you to spend time with -you- not for you to spend money on me. One thing I'm struggling with in that sense is..letting a guy pay for me. I'm so independent..and actually used to..paying for me and the guy...it's...just not locked into my mind that I do not need to pay...and the guy should do it. I was raised that way, but never experienced it completely..except...once..I think? -while in a relationship that is- and that was our first date. All in all...by needing much healing and understanding of what I value most in a man and how I'm so simple..about it...has helped me to realize that God provides everything I could want in a guy, but no earthly man is perfect like God. God has that man out there for me and whoever He is..I just want God to help me love him unconditionally without falter and fear of being hurt physically. I can take emotional, but physical..affects me...in ways...well..yeah...leads to emotional issues deep down..but honestly, I'm healed from it by the grace of God. I told God that I wanted him to let that man know that I am 'waiting' for him and promise to remain faithful. And that I love him for who he is no matter what because I'm loving him just as God does. I don't care what that man has done or anything. It does not define him. God defines the human, not the humans decision. God makes that judgement, not me. God has helped me to not worry about these things because I trust and know that God has someone out there for me and..everyone really. Know that, dear, if I've met you already or haven't...and you read this..I love and accept you for you. I pray for you and know that God loves you so much. I hope and pray that when we do know of each other and God's plan for us to be together, that we are a couple that is for Christ and our relationship is serving and bringing glory to God. I promise to pray and help you spiritually and emotionally, in all aspects that I can. God does everything, but I'll do what He calls me to do. I promise to make you proud and know that everyday, I appreciate you for the heart that you have. I promise to protect, guide, and give support as needed. I promise to do my best to understand and even if I don't, I'll do my best by being honest to be sincere and helpful by showing compassion. I promise to let you know whenever I think you're not doing right in the eyes of God, so that you may be disciplined and able to be guided in the faith, so I know you're being encouraged at the same time to be all the more strong and steadfast in your faith. I understand that you're not perfect and I don't expect you to be. I just want you to be of Christ and dedicate yourself to Him..that's all I want. I want you to know you are saved by God through the blood of Christ. You are more than anything and everything you've done because Christ made you anew and clean. Because He loved you first. He told me to love and I am going to love to my fullest, I promise. My God healed me of wounds made by previous earthly men. Now, I'm healed in the blood of Christ. He has fully healed me after 3-4 years have passed by. I will fear no other man or evil. I will fear nothing because my God is my armor and He is with me. Praises be to God! Brothers and sisters, If you know of any persons in your life who has experienced any form of sexual abuse, assault, or rape, please do not hesitate to pray or be there for them even when they say no. The power of prayer is strong and effective. God listens and hears all prayers. There is healing, strength, confidence, and courage in His name. Please read 1 Peter. It'll open up your eyes to how our lives should be lived and how we should treat others in our lives. I pray and hope that the reading is a blessing just as much as it is to me. I praise God for those who read this journal entry. It honestly had taken a lot from me to share a bit of my experiences and..well..all these..feelings. I'm not one to be so..open about how I..yearn to treat that one person or them treat me. It's a ...touchy subject, I guess? Thank you. In Him with love, -Mak 1 Peter 1:3-9 Praise to God for a Living Hope 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.