Wednesday, July 18, 2012
5 years ago the 20th
Hello friends,
At midnight, when it strikes the 20th of July is the anniversary mark of when I gave my heart to Jesus and believed that He saved me by dying on the cross for not only my sins, but the sin of the world.
Here I am 20 years old and looking back on how 5 years has gone by, wow. I can't believe that it's been 5 years since I was baptized at Hilton Head Island, SC in the Atlantic Ocean.
Thinking back, it's rather nostalgic to me. I guess it's because it isn't everyday that a Christian is baptized in the ocean at midnight.
Of all days, times, and moments....God called me there.
I almost cannot fathom over such an event for the simple reason of it's really deep. Back then, I didn't think much of the baptism itself until I felt anew.
Let me explain briefly who I was and what was going on back at the time.
There I was, 14 years of age. Living with my Mom, older brother; Jason, and a stepfather; Craig.
(Craig had kids who well, weren't kids. They're adults. I was rather close with one; Corinne who I still am relatively close with, along with her husband; Tim.)
Anyways, during that Summer, I was going through a lot of issues and Corinne had noticed and asked if it was alright that I had gone down to have a 'vacation' with her and Tim for about a month by staying at their apartment. My mom had agreed it was fine and in July I ended up staying in Hilton Head Island, SC.
Corinne and Tim are two Christians who are very kind, loving, and warm hearted people. Enjoyable company. At the time, they were working/volunteering at their church where they were involved with Youth Ministry. Also, Tim played drums in the worship band and Corinne helped with slides.
They were church goers.
I...was not. I did not grow up in that environment whatsoever. It's not that my family is not spiritual or 'Christian' it's just, they didn't force Christianity into our lives, despite, I did know what church and somewhat knew of who Jesus Christ was, slightly, that is.
At this point, I was really uncomfortable knowing I would be in the church setting most of my days within a week due to them being so involved. While they were busy, I knew no one. That made me nervous and very uptight. While being exposed to the church setting, I was quite nervous, but...ended up relaxing over a week or two that had passed. People there would greet me with a hug and were attempting to get to know me for who I was. That was really odd to me.
I didn't get it.
Why were these people being so friendly and loving towards me? They did not know who I was.
I felt awful and worrisome.
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Note: At the age of 14, my past was dark. At that time, I was going through many medical concerns and was very depressed. Depressed wasn't even a description of how I felt about myself. I had almost no confidence, felt unhappy and misunderstood, frustrated, angry, and wanted nothing to do with people. I was immensely bullied at school, given, home wasn't any better. I was emotionally/verbally/physically abused from a stepfather and had to witness seeing my family being treated the same way.
That broke my heart and I felt as if I could do nothing about it. While with school and home being so broken, I felt life was meaningless and attempted suicide various times, yet unsuccessful. 3 days before I had left for SC, I attempted suicide and did not succeed. I didn't understand why I was given life.--------
After 2 weeks had gone by, the third week I began to open up with others. My personality started to shine a bit more. I was talkative, animated, and smiled for the first time in a long time.
I was given a Holy Bible and was taught how to pray. I never prayed alone, I prayed with others who helped me know and learn until I felt comfortable.
I didn't know how and where to start with reading the Bible. I first learned about the life of Jesus Christ and what He did for us, then I was introduced to Law, so that I could distinguish between Law and Gospel. After that, I started from the beginning to learn about how God created us and the world altogether.
Won't kid you, I was very intimidated and a little frustrated, yet remained patient.
The last week in SC, it was late at night. I had stayed after with Corinne, an elder, and the Pastor. They were cleaning up and all of that. I waited patiently for them to finish so Corinne and I could head back to the apartment.
While talking, Corinne asks me a life changing question..."Makaya, do you want to be saved?"
Saved?
What's that? What's this 'saved' matter that she speaks of?
I didn't really know what that meant and didn't want to seem dumb, so I denied the offer.
She asked if I was sure and I nodded my head yes.
Then, I felt something inside of me, say, "It's okay, do not fear. It's okay."
I listened and after 10 minutes or so...I went up to Corinne and said, "Corinne, I want to be Saved. I want to accept Jesus."
She smiled and hugged me. She was so excited. There, she had called over the Pastor and elder telling them that I wanted to be Saved. They rejoiced and asked if they could pray over me and I accepted. Each, they placed a hand on me and after 10 minutes or so of prayer, Corinne's hand was lead up to the back of my neck and she asked, "Makaya, I feel God leading my hand here...did something happen to you?"
I broke down in tears, sobbing like a child who had fallen off of their bike..or scared at the least.
I had confessed that we were being abused by Craig and I had been experiencing physical bullying in school, too.
I poured my heart out right there to these people who I had not known long, unlike Corinne I had known for a few years. Never did I cry, so hard in my entire life. I had then made a deeper confession of how I attempted suicide multiple times and didn't understand why love would hurt and if I was loved, then why was I so broken inside? Why would God love me when I've attempted to hurt myself and have hurt others in the long run...especially by breaking my own mother's heart at hating myself. A parent would never want that for their child.
There, they each hugged me and reassured me of how loved I was and that God loves me so much and that I was His child.
They continued to pray and after about 30-45 minutes of praying and confession, they then exclaimed, "LET'S TELL EVERYONE AND CELEBRATE! WE MUST CALL EVERYONE AND TELL THEM TO MEET US AT THE BEACH FOR YOUR BAPTISM!!"
I felt better and looked at them like they were crazy loopy for at midnight...
After their excitement, we left for the beach so that I and another man would be baptized the same night.
About 15 minutes or so we arrived at the beach and it was really dark out.
I remember the scenery. It was a clear night sky, with a full moon, and the stars were bright and vibrant with their pale white value.
The air was fresh and the ocean was calm with a slight tide.
No one had shown up, but Tim, the Pastor, the other man (my brother in Christ so to speak), and myself had walked out to the water where it was about...ehh, waste high.
They prayed and I watched them baptize my brother in Christ and realized, "Oh man, this is it...I wonder what this feels like?"
After they prayed, they then told me to hold my breathe and bend back.
There, I went under water. ----this next part, I am NOT kidding----
Came up out of the water and saw a beam of light and then wiped my eyes once more and saw the beach full of people from the church rejoicing and cheering.
My feelings?
FREE. LIGHT. HAPPY. JOYOUS. EXCITED. AND...I can't explain all of these crazy happy feelings and the feeling of...no weight on my chest or..shoulders there. I couldn't remember the past things then and could not...get out of this 'state of mind' where I was just..happy.
I went back to the beach and hugged everyone. When I was there, I ran around and said, "Thank you. Just..thank you!"
I was on this emotional high..even on the way back. ---this next part not kidding!---
While in the car on the way back to the apartment, it was just Corinne and I. As she was talking, I kept hearing this voice say, "Pray for Jason! Pray for Jason, now! He's being hurt!" I listened and was like, "Corinne, sorry, but...I feel something telling me to pray for Jason now!"
So we did as she drove. As we prayed, I felt better. But I heard this voice so loudly speaking out to me and it was really freaky at the time. It kept telling me to pray about all of these things, to not fear, and to know that things were alright and I was going to be better.
That night,
as I went to bed...I remembered seeing others and Jesus paintings with Him kneeling on the ground praying. Therefore, I did the same. I got down on my knees, placing my hands together lying them on the edge of the bed and prayed.
I thanked God for the baptism, saving us, and loving us for who we are despite our sins. I asked that He would teach me to be like Him and that I would know what love really was and what it meant to show and be loved as His Son did.
Went home, baptized the next day...surprising my parents with the news. They were happy for me.
2 years later at 16, I was invited by my friend Amanda to attend church with her. She is a member at St. Luke Lutheran Church Cabot, PA. At this time, I was getting involved with the Youth Ministry and volunteering opportunities.
I then, began attending church services as well and became actively involved. That same year, was my first mission trip to Richmond where I served by working with various other church groups along side them, working with the mentally disabled and helped rebuild and fix up an elderly couple's home.
I also made a few life long friends who I am still in contact with today and visited with over Thanksgiving. They're such a blessing to me.
2 years after that, at 18 years old I became a member of St. Luke Lutheran by taking their Discipleship course and that Summer of 2010 after I had graduated HS, I attended the LCMS National Youth Gathering to only have grown in my discipleship, fellowship with brothers and sisters in the faith, witness, and love for Christ, and His people.
That same Summer, then transitioned within the Fall, beginning at Concordia University of Ann Arbor, Ann Arbor, MI where I intended a Family Life Youth Ministry major.
There, I spent from August 2010-November 2011 in attendance. Yet, within that time period I have made some of the greatest friendships and have come to know that God has such a great group of disciples out there that I've crossed paths with.
The many friendships that I still have today with those who have attended CUAA are...some of my best and most close friends...not only because of who they are, but the fact they have shown a love for me as Christ did by taking the time to know me for my heart and share in fellowship.
They have been one of biggest blessings to me and I love each and every single person significantly.
Friends who are reading this that I met at CUAA, thank you for being you and I love and appreciate your friendship and the heart that you have. Many prayers of thanks have been lifted for and because of the each of you. Keep growing in your faith and love for Christ. <3
Also, while at CUAA I was given the opportunity and blessing to be a speaker at a Youth Ministry event called, "Tool Time." There, I had shared my testimony of how I came to Christ and said how that...we are a chosen people of God and we are able to stand tall in all cases because God is our rock and refuge.
That...had to of been one of the biggest blessings to me because I had met many youth and am a mentor to them..praying and keeping in touch with them and their faith.
Between these times, I've shared of my testimonies of how I've gone from feeling like nothing to feeling like something..and that something is being a disciple of Christ, who feels completely called to love and share the love of Jesus with those who cross my path.
By doing so, it has influenced my family who aren't the most spiritual. They've been open to prayer, attending church, and discussing God's love and wisdom.
Thanks be to God!
Here I am at 20 years old, a child of God who chose to have life and I know my calling.
My calling is this: "1 Thessalonians 5:14-15, 10-11
"And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
You and I are saved. He saved us and we are so loved. I tell you the truth, I am no longer the person I was at 14. Rather, this is what has happened to me and who I am is a loving being. I love you my brother, sister. God loves you, please know this.
"20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20
I pray that by my testimony, God has spoken through me to you so that you are well aware that no matter what you are going through, no matter your past mistakes or decisions, you are loved for the heart that God has created in You. You are created in His image, not the world's.
You, my brother, sister, are loved by a God who wants to love and save you.
I went from lost to found,
won't you be found, too? I pray and ask in God's holy precious Son's name that you will be found and saved because we love you.
Thank you for reading and blessings to you,
Makaya
Sunday, July 8, 2012
My Poetic Prayer and Letter
Lord,
Help us to not be selfish. We are a selfish people. Help guide our minds, hearts, and paths according to You and Your will, alone. Remind us each time that we step off path that You love us and we are forgiven by the blood of our Savior, Jesus.
Lord, we are blind, but You provide insight, wisdom, guidance, healing, love, and reassurance of who You are, what You've done for us, and that You are so much stronger and mighty than anything in this world. By that, we have great comfort in You and can lean on You as Your children should to their Father.
Father,
we love You. Keep us.
Your child,
Makaya
1-We're blind
2-We need to see
3-To see You
4-You, the One who loves
5-Loves us all.
6-All who are created by You
7-You are the only One
8-One who can show us
9-Us who need wisdom
10-Wisdom from You
11-You provide guidance
12-Guidance from Your hands
13-Hands that heal
14-Heal us, help us
15-Us who are blind
16-Blind will walk
17-Walk into the insight
18-Insight of the Mighty
19-Mighty, Lord who corrects
20-Correct our crooked paths
21-Paths are now corrected
22-Corrected by the One who loves
23-Loves you, alone,
24-Alone, He gave it all
25-All He wants is you,
26-You to know
27-Know that He loves
28-You,
29-You are forgiven,
30-Forgiven by the blood,
31-Blood of Jesus
32-Jesus cleansed you
33-You are free
34-Free to be you,
35-You are set free!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Hold on, I have faith in you.
Dear brothers and sisters,
I am writing to you on behalf of some experiences as of lately.
Recently within this past week or so, I've been informed by several friends of how they're struggling. Some have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or both along with being bipolar.
For these friends, even a few I am completely shocked to hear this from really made me feel sad for them, but alas, it made me all the more want to pray for them.
These few people are some of the people who have helped me greatly with my faith in Jesus and I want to help them, too.
So, I ask that you who are reading to please keep these few beings in your prayers.
Yet, I must tell you a brief story of a friend of mine:
(I am leaving names unsaid due to privacy and respectful matters)
It had to of been last week that she had been texting me upset and stated how she never felt happy, felt as if God wouldn't want her and did not love her at all because of her past mistakes. She felt that God wouldn't want anything to do with her because she did not pray and read her Bible.
She also stated that God must not love her because of all of the hardship in her life aka illness, depression, a hard relationship with family, and struggling with relationships generally.
While her texting me this and as I read everything, my heart sank, yet..I knew her exact feelings.
I explained to her how she is not alone and I've been there. I know exactly how she feels and that sometimes we go through hardship because God is teaching us and it's apart of His plan to help us grow stronger within our faith in Him.
I gave her some examples from my life in the faith to help her understand and reminded her of how much God loves her along with some encouraging and reassuring Scripture.
She thanked me and we continued to talk about her struggles.
She asked if we could Skype and I said yes of course and we did on a Monday after my class in that evening.
After her just pouring all of her heart out to me, I feel I could completely relate and said to her, "Gretchen, Jesus loves you so much. He gave His life for you so that you could live. Life was never meant to be simple, but with Jesus we are made strong and we are able to endure anything in life, whether it be depression, anxiety, or struggles within our faith. God knows how you feel and He will see you through. Keep the hope that lies within you alive. God is faithful. He has never left your side. It may seem as if He did, but trust me, He didn't. Sin blinds us from God so we end up lying there feeling fear and unsure of what God wants for us and of us.
Simply, God wants nothing more than to love you. Don't be afraid to let Him in. He's waiting on you. It's your choice, we have free will. The moment you make the choice to let Him in completely, that's the moment He'll completely set you free. I pray that He sees you through and I pray that you keep hoping."
She cried and thanked me. She explained how hard it was to stay faithful and to keep praying after no answers.
I told her that sometimes we aren't answered right away because it's a process. Everything with God is a process and we shouldn't expect anything from God right away because that teaches us no patience and that is handing us things straight up without any actual form of conscience of learning and processing the entire situation itself.
I told her that I was learning the same thing to be patient and that it takes a lot of meditation and prayer. I encouraged her to keep steadfast in the faith and do not lose hope because there is a light at the end!
She said it was hard and that she still felt that God wouldn't want her. I told her that she was created in the image of God and was surely chosen to be of His kingdom. That she can find a strength and peace within this time and God has never left her side, neither has those who love her.
I prayed to God right there and then, asked some of those in the faith that I trust with so much to pray for her and to keep her in their prayers. I briefly shared her thoughts with them so they had an idea of what to pray about and lift up to God.
Mind you, I mentioned the fact her parents were in denial of her diagnosis, felt she was making it all up, and didn't want her to be on medication thinking she did not need it.
This made my heart cry out to God praying and pleading He would see this family through and that God would bless them with a solution, wisdom, and understanding.
Friends,
a few days later said friend texted me telling me she was put on anti depressants, told her parents, and the doctor told her she should continue therapy and start these anti depressants.
She feared her parents would not understand as before.
But, they did! They told her that it was okay, allowed her to get medication to help her with the depression and anxiety, to continue therapy, and we very understanding of her condition.
PRAISES BE TO GOD. When she texted me telling me that her parents were finally understanding and allowing her to go on medication, I rejoiced in God. It's amazing what God can do.
Now she has started the medication and is continuing therapy. So far, positive results.
We are keeping her in our prayers along with the many others who deal with the same struggles.
The point of sharing this story is, many people of the faith honestly do struggle with all sorts of matters, it's just the few that make the mindset to be very negative and hard to deal with is those derived within the emotional and psychological issues causing all forms of negative thoughts making that person feel they're not significant to God, should have life, or anything of the sort and much more.
To those who struggle, YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE. Hold on and take heart in the faith because you have a strength within you from God that keeps you holding on. You have a hope that has been instilled within your heart to keep you going and that is your faith in Christ Jesus.
You have been chosen by God to live a life according to His will and He sent His only son Jesus Christ to die for you out of LOVE.
Deuteronomy 7:6
New International Version (NIV)
"6 For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession."
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