To War
Look in the mirror
Question every little thought
What are these thoughts made of?
What is it that haunts me?
The heart reveals the reality.
The mind in fear.
Overreaction.
Aggravated.
The mirror shows I'm at war.
Every turn,
every look,
explosion!
Tremble as before,
break away,
hide!
Why run?
What's so different?
The battle rages on;
Imagining what isn't there
It feels too real
Fight!
Explosion!
Shake the head and turn around.
Walking away.
Images, occur...
over and over.
Rapid is the heart beat
Rapid is the mind...
this isn't real.
Fight!
Explosion!
Scattered...
LOOK UP!
The battle rages on!
Shaking,
trembling,
can't get back up,
The feel of being crippled...
itches at my legs...
LOOK UP!
battle rages on.
Play back.
Shakes head.
Slams fists.
Battle.
LOOK UP!
Slams fists,
rises head,
release.
I face myself in battle.
This mirror reflection:
does not define me.
My heart and actions do.
War...
with myself...
finally won.
Crash of the mirror
and begin again....
til next time.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Going against the grain
Things I've learned about going against the grain...
Follow your heart,
despite all of the trials and hardship.
Follow your heart,
despite the anguish and lack of confidence...
Follow your heart,
despite the wounds.
Follow your heart,
because you love.
Follow your heart,
because the road to travel,
can be worth it,
or a dead end,
all in all, follow your heart.
Follow your heart,
because you've learned a better sense of character.
Beat against the grain that sticks rough between your toes...
because to follow your heart and what is right,
hurts,
but
releases all good sides to come...
in time.
I've learned that going against the grain, feeling the anguish of everything...of all the emotions of the good...
you must follow your heart.
I guess I have come to learn those feelings so much more over the past few years because of college helps you immensely grow up in a sense, opposed to other experiences faced in previous time.
I have my moments where I've realized deep down in order to be happy you need to fight for what you want. Fight for what is right. To fight for something you deserve so much.
To fight to protect your own heart, at the up most.
I've learned to go against the grain, also means, to finally break down and show weaknesses. To be vulnerable. To know, that I can't be strong all of the time.
Confession: I have grown up to where I've faced much hardship and found strength from such experiences.
Although, these experiences of hardship have caused me to feel like I need to be strong for everyone else; these people being family, friends, co-workers, anyone to cross my path, or even people that I do not know, and they do not know me.
This strength...has caused me to finally realize, I can't be strong all of the time. There is a time where in my heart, I need to be willing to open up and share what is on my mind, the way I think, feel, everything.
Of course, I've shared my experiences of how I've helped people in many ways or certain hardships (certain---)
and...people will tell me, "You are so strong! You have such a huge heart!"
I don't want that. I want people to actually sincerely want to know me for my heart, know me by my heart, rather than strength.
I feel all of my life this emotional strength has been a self defense mechanism that has helped me to not be so open with my life overall, to not let people in on all of my 'issues', because I've always rather be the one who would be the 'listener' 'advice giver', 'shoulder to cry on', etc etc etc.
To open up my heart about EVERYTHING to someone has taken so much from me because I fear loss of something good. I fear losing a heart that has shared my heart...
due to the very fact I've lost that and never once did I show anyone how much it devastated me...
because I've always been the one not to cry around crowds, friends, family, anyone...I've learned to just cope in my own way and take it up with God.
Don't get me wrong, I've questioned God about situations...
I don't think I have necessarily been angry with Him...if I was, I wouldn't remember why.
It was more so that I was angry at myself and felt like an ignoramus.
Anyways,
moral of story...
don't be afraid to vulnerable,
to let someone share your heart,
whether it'd be a family member, good friend, significant other,
don't be afraid to share it with GOD. God understands better than any human being.
We are told to trust in God rather than man.
Sometimes, I forget that..even deep down I know it.
Don't be afraid to not be so strong for once. We are called to pick each back up, to share the hardships, anguish, and to fight together.
Once you've decided to do so, it shows a better side of strength. A strength that people don't have, only dream of having. Fear brings you down, but I say,
do not fear. God is with you through it all. God has people by your side for a reason.
To help you. Not to harm you. Sometimes, it may hurt...but in the end, has that pain ever really stayed? No.
It's okay to go against the grain..
need not to fear
need not to fear the world
need not to fear love
share and follow your heart.
need not to be alone and so strong
we are in need to share our weaknesses because we were never meant to go about life alone.
lift one another in prayer, sharing each other weaknesses. brothers and sisters, love. love one another.
and with that, you will be fulfilled.
<3 mak
Follow your heart,
despite all of the trials and hardship.
Follow your heart,
despite the anguish and lack of confidence...
Follow your heart,
despite the wounds.
Follow your heart,
because you love.
Follow your heart,
because the road to travel,
can be worth it,
or a dead end,
all in all, follow your heart.
Follow your heart,
because you've learned a better sense of character.
Beat against the grain that sticks rough between your toes...
because to follow your heart and what is right,
hurts,
but
releases all good sides to come...
in time.
I've learned that going against the grain, feeling the anguish of everything...of all the emotions of the good...
you must follow your heart.
I guess I have come to learn those feelings so much more over the past few years because of college helps you immensely grow up in a sense, opposed to other experiences faced in previous time.
I have my moments where I've realized deep down in order to be happy you need to fight for what you want. Fight for what is right. To fight for something you deserve so much.
To fight to protect your own heart, at the up most.
I've learned to go against the grain, also means, to finally break down and show weaknesses. To be vulnerable. To know, that I can't be strong all of the time.
Confession: I have grown up to where I've faced much hardship and found strength from such experiences.
Although, these experiences of hardship have caused me to feel like I need to be strong for everyone else; these people being family, friends, co-workers, anyone to cross my path, or even people that I do not know, and they do not know me.
This strength...has caused me to finally realize, I can't be strong all of the time. There is a time where in my heart, I need to be willing to open up and share what is on my mind, the way I think, feel, everything.
Of course, I've shared my experiences of how I've helped people in many ways or certain hardships (certain---)
and...people will tell me, "You are so strong! You have such a huge heart!"
I don't want that. I want people to actually sincerely want to know me for my heart, know me by my heart, rather than strength.
I feel all of my life this emotional strength has been a self defense mechanism that has helped me to not be so open with my life overall, to not let people in on all of my 'issues', because I've always rather be the one who would be the 'listener' 'advice giver', 'shoulder to cry on', etc etc etc.
To open up my heart about EVERYTHING to someone has taken so much from me because I fear loss of something good. I fear losing a heart that has shared my heart...
due to the very fact I've lost that and never once did I show anyone how much it devastated me...
because I've always been the one not to cry around crowds, friends, family, anyone...I've learned to just cope in my own way and take it up with God.
Don't get me wrong, I've questioned God about situations...
I don't think I have necessarily been angry with Him...if I was, I wouldn't remember why.
It was more so that I was angry at myself and felt like an ignoramus.
Anyways,
moral of story...
don't be afraid to vulnerable,
to let someone share your heart,
whether it'd be a family member, good friend, significant other,
don't be afraid to share it with GOD. God understands better than any human being.
We are told to trust in God rather than man.
Sometimes, I forget that..even deep down I know it.
Don't be afraid to not be so strong for once. We are called to pick each back up, to share the hardships, anguish, and to fight together.
Once you've decided to do so, it shows a better side of strength. A strength that people don't have, only dream of having. Fear brings you down, but I say,
do not fear. God is with you through it all. God has people by your side for a reason.
To help you. Not to harm you. Sometimes, it may hurt...but in the end, has that pain ever really stayed? No.
It's okay to go against the grain..
need not to fear
need not to fear the world
need not to fear love
share and follow your heart.
need not to be alone and so strong
we are in need to share our weaknesses because we were never meant to go about life alone.
lift one another in prayer, sharing each other weaknesses. brothers and sisters, love. love one another.
and with that, you will be fulfilled.
<3 mak
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