As I sit here contemplating about my faith in Jesus Christ, I really do adore Him.
Yet, I struggle with sin daily and it's been awhile since I've really come back around to my faith and disciplining my self.
For awhile here in MI, I've been really struggling to pray to God, praise Him, go to church, and focus on what is really the true prize in life, our Lord and Savior, Jesus.
Yes, I have felt completely guilty and did nothing about it. The longer it stayed, I really just ignored God and the fact He's trying to lead my pathways.
I wonder...why? Why did I do that? I don't understand why I would have ever wanted to leave God, what He has called me to do, and ministry all together.
It is so often that we are called by God to do great things in His kingdom and we end up leaving that calling, pursuing what we like to do or we get impatient with what He has called us for! I have seen this happen before my eyes and it's so sad.
You know why this happens? Satan. Satan will do anything to be sure that we are not serving our God and gloryfying Him and pursuing His will! Satan will put any option out there in front of us, glamorizing it, which calls us to think, "Oh, this is cool. Maybe...God would want me there instead?" If God wanted you in a certain place in your life, He'll take you there...and place you in that location.
I think that's what we often...get confused about with God. We are so blinded by sin that we think it's actually God calling us to that certain aspect in life that calls us to believe, "Yes, God has sent me here." When really...are you leaving God's placement when -you- decide, "I want to pursue, (insert whatever here)and God gave me this talent, so I should go for it."
God KNOWS you better than anyone else and KNOWS your greatest talents...He will place you a section of your life for you to realize your greatest talents that He has given you so that you may lead a life according to Him and pursuing His will, that will protect and provide for you! If you leave that...wouldn't it cause some type of complication?
Frankly, I am not sure what it will cause, but what we can know and trust in is the fact our God provides, protects, loves us...and will never leave our side no matter what we endure in life because He loves us that much.
We are a chosen generation that was called according to HIS will, not ours. Sometimes, I face and have faced sections in this past year where I have felt completely worthless about ministry and God's will. Confusion and frustration has surrounded me, blinding me what the beauty of pain could really be.
Now that everything just keeps tying together, the realization of pain can be pure beauty in God's eyes because...everything always works out with God and the life we live for Him. He redeems us from all of the confusion and frustrations we face, calling us out of that darkness, reassuring His promise for us. He also reassures that He will provide wisdom and things that are so much greater in life rather than the materialistic aspects that blind us.
I have faced this section of my life enduring the fact of Sam not returning to Concordia to continue his LTD, which leaves me here. I have faced a part me feeling, I couldn't make it through college without him by my side because he is an important person in my life that I was always around. The fact he just had to leave and everything changed.
Yet, this change made me realize...I don't need to be just hanging out with Sam. I have all these friends; brothers/sisters in Christ that love me, I love them, and God has provided me these people in my life to learn from and to provide for them, share the faith, fight the good fight, and continue on with where God has placed me.
I felt that, Sam gone, I would be so lonely, and I had my days where I did indeed, feel that way.
What I learned is...the more I got out of my room, pursued school work, working 3 jobs, and tried my best to be there for Sam, others, while balancing everything, God was there the whole time.
I was praying that God would give me wisdom to help Sam and patience. Oh, He definitely has.
He also made me realize that...I can't help everyone and I need to let HIM do the healing. He has taught me more patience than I could imagine and the fact...I can be around all kinds of people and not 'break.'
What I've gone through, has just opened my eyes so much today. Why would God exactly have me endure what I have?
To make me perservere, grow in the faith, accept what I can and can't do, patience, what it means to love, grow in wisdom and knowledge of not only Him, but the 'real' important factors in life around me.
He has taught me, "You are here because of my calling for you, out of darkness, into the beauty of my kingdom, and for you to live in the will I have for you."
Confusion, arose about His will for me so many times this past year. I had sat here, thinking, "God, what do you want out of me? What do you want from me? What is it that, You are calling me to do?! I'm so lost. I need Your guidance!"
My eyes have filled with tears and fear filled me...
God wants me here, taking one step at a time, living for Him, living as if today were the day He was coming back, pursuing every little bit of my life all for the glory of Him and the promise He has told us about.
He doesn't want me to think of all these thoughts of where my life is going to go, how I'm going to provide for myself and my family, how I'm going to survive college, etc.
God provides everything, why should I worry? What is it that I should worry about whenever I have a God who does such as that. Reassuring His love and guidance to me. Him, being the lamp to my pathways...
God has spoken to us, telling us, "I'll be by your side." "I will provide for you." "I'll be the lamp to your pathways." "Do not worry, I will provide everything you will ever need."
I mean, those are just summaries...though, that doesn't defeat the purpose of what I am saying to you from our God.
God...holds us up in the palm of His right hand, when we need Him the most. In the times of all darkness, He leads us back into the light, giving us life!
How awesome is He? I feel a bit bad that I've ever ran from God, but what I can reassure all of you on, in my own relationship/faith with Him, is that...there wasn't a moment He has forsaken me, because He won't do that. He loves me too much, just as much as He loves you!
You follow him, you'll live your life in the light that He shines on you.
There wasn't a moment that He did not lead me back.
God has this funny way of leading me back into the light of Him and I'll sit here thinking, "God, you are so cool. You...are sometimes..shocking, but You're the best."
Such as today,
this morning, after a bit, I had made myself breakfast, thanking Him for the food, and asking for a blessing, "The Chronicles of Narnia" was on.
It had come to the section where Aslan was sacrificed on the stone table, that whole entire section of ridicule, and being killed by the witch.
That made me become teary eyed, and it reminds me of what Jesus has gone through. Given, I'm sure it was an allegory written by C.S. Lewis to reflect Jesus's ridicule, and sacrifice on the cross.
Then, Aslan's resurrection being an allegory of Jesus's resurrection, is so cool!
I felt, happy. I thought of Jesus in that way, and watched the battle of the fight for Narnia.
That scene made me think of the fight we are giving out for God. Fighting the darkness of Satan and sin, rescuing all those out of darkness into the light of Jesus, so that they may have life and salvation in Him.
Those few scenes, I feel God has used to make me realize and remind me of what His calling is for me as a disciple. Especially giving me the reassurance of how He rose from the dead, conquering death and sin, letting me know, I can conquer sin because I am more than that with God by my side.
I prayed for forgiveness, wisdom, and guidance on how I could live a better life for Him, not fearing what could come in my pathway leading me to believe what I do believe of our God. He lead me to His word, giving me serenity in my heart, clearing my mind to focus on Him and how I could really reach out to all of You.
My brothers and sisters, we are more than what we've done, we are so much more in God's eyes. With God our on side, we can fight this battle between light and dark, learning what we need to do to live our lives all out for the glory of Him.
We all endure similar experiences, but through these experiences, we grow immensely in God.
We can grow with each other, guiding, praying, loving, and being that mere reflection of Christ for each other and for Him because He has called us out the darkness to do so.
We are called out of darkness, to have His eyes for humanity..to love and care for.
Together, we can defeat the darkness in this battle with God on our side.
Look at it as if we were the citizens of Narnia, fighting for what we believe and doing this all for Aslan and all the others living in the world of Narnia.
We are human who do have the strength to fight for the creation of God, what God has promised us, and with the Almighty God on our side, we can do this.
Continue on, brothers and sisters, fighting for what we believe and for the God who has saved you from yourself.
We have the eyes and heart of Him, with these, we can rescue the lost.
Don't give up. He has called you for this and the fear you feel is only from Satan, not your God. God provides you with peace and serenity. Let Him fill you with His Spirit filling you with strength and endurance.
You can do this.
I can do this.
WE can conquer this.
Praises to the God who has rescued us and promised us life!
9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
